Getting an Ex Back: What you must do (Step-by-Step Guide)

Getting an Ex Back

getting an ex back

Getting an ex back may be a mistake.  In fact it probably will be.  The two of you broke up, and even if you get back together, you’re likely to break up again.  I’m going to tell you not to get her back.

But if you’re a heart broken mess and want her back, then you’re going to ignore that anyway.  I remember a bad break up where I wanted to get my ex back.  And I was able to learn how to win my girlfriend back.  But there’s no way to guarantee to learn how to get your ex back permanently.  Even if you two get back together, you’ll likely break up.

With that said, whether you should try to get her back or not isn’t why you’re here.  You’re wondering if getting your ex back is possible.  The answer is yes.  It won’t be all sunshine and rainbows.  It’s not recommended, but it’s definitely possible.  And to be fair, there are couples who get back together and then make their relationships better, it’s just not the majority of them.

But I get it, you just want to get your ex back right now.

A few things to consider.  Did she break up with you?  Or did you break up with her?

If you broke up with her

If you broke up with her, and you did this recently, then you can probably still get her back.  It’s best to reach out to her, see if she wants to meet up and talk.  Invite her over, have sex with her and fuck her brains out.  Then tell her you still want to be with her and try to get her back.

A girl whose still heart broken over you will likely want to talk things through.  And she’ll feel you’re more valuable than her because you dumped her.  So having her come over and having sex should be pretty easy.  It’s important that you make her cum and fuck her well so she feels you two are strongly connected.

From there, she might have some resentment towards you at first, but she’ll probably take you back.

If she broke up with you

getting out of a relationship

However, I’m sure the far majority of the readers are in a different situation.  Getting an ex back is usually something that’s desired by the one who got dumped.

So it’s more likely that she broke up with you, or you broke up with her but waited too long and she moved on.  But more likely the first option.  So your ex broke up with you and you want her back?

Getting an ex back is tougher in this position, because she saw herself as more valuable without you.  Which is why she left.  In order for her to want to get back with you, she has to feel that you’re more valuable than her.

I know most of you guys are here because your ex girlfriend dumped you.  And it probably feels like shit.  Don’t worry.  You can still get her back.

Did you act desperate?

But before we dive in to get your ex, a little context.  Every situation is different.  The big question is did you act desperate?

What I mean by this is did you act desperate when she dumped you and afterwards?  Like begging her to stay, pleading with her, calling her, texting her a bunch, and so on.

I expect the answer if yes from a lot of you.  If you did, then it’s imperative you follow this guide to the tee of you want to figure out how to get your ex girlfriend back.

But on the off chance you didn’t, getting an ex back will be much easier.  If you acted like you didn’t give a fuck when she broke it off, she might’ve changed her mind on the spot or even the next day.  My major girlfriend in my 20’s tried to break up with me a few times.  I didn’t know the science behind it.

But I always reacted in a non desperate way.  She tried doing this to me on a phone before, so I hung up and ignored her until she apologized via text and begged to have me back.  She tried to break up with me in person and so I walked out the door and then she was blowing up my phone.  I should’ve ended the relationship always of course.  The point is though that she was never able to really break things off with me for the long, because I would show my higher value in not acting desperate.

Desperateness makes it worse 

So if you didn’t beg, plead, or fight to keep her when she broke up with you then you’re already ahead in getting an ex back.  That’s if she was able to go through with it.  For you guys, follow these steps, but realize that it might take a lot less time for her to come running back.

For the rest of you, who got dumped and acted desperate, don’t worry.

Yes, you fucked up by acting like a nice guy.  You lost your balls.  The best thing to do is just walk away.  But here’s the steps you should follow to give you the best chance of getting an ex back.

No contact

stop texting her first

You’ve probably heard of No Contact before.  It’s as simple as it sounds.  It’s the best way to get your ex back.  Or at least it’s the best first step. You cut off all contact with your ex.  It sounds counter intuitive if you want to get your ex back.  But you need to follow it.  No exceptions.  Don’t call her, text her, show up at her work, talk to her friends, send her letters, nothing.

Avoid all contact with her.  If she contacts you, then that’s another story.  You can skip below to the “Let her contact you first” section.

The reason for no contact is you have to get her to miss you and build up attraction for you.  Women like high value men.  She broke up with you, and likely because your value was lowered in her eyes.  By not contacting her at all, you allow her to miss you, think of you, and build up the value of your image in her eyes again.

It sucks, but people want what we can’t have.  By not blowing up her phone and giving her validation, she’ll wonder why you haven’t messaged her or reached out to her at all.

No contact at all

No contact means no contact at all.  Don’t hit her up for anything.  If you want to know how to get your girl back, she needs to miss you.

The only exception is if you have a kid with her and have to coordinate parental duties.  But other than that, do NOT contact her first.  If you do, you’ll lose.  Instead, let her contact you.  It may be a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months.  This all depends on how into she was.  If she was super into you, then it will only take a few days.  More than likely, she wasn’t as into you since she dumped you, and it might take a week, or even months.  But whatever you do, do’t contact her.

Focus on your purpose

In the meantime, follow your purpose.  Your purpose should’ve already been your main priority in life.  If it was, she probably wouldn’t have dumped you.  And if she still did, then you wouldn’t be reading this article.

So focus on your purpose to keep you distracted.  This will also give you confidence, fulfillment, and money.  You purpose is the reason you’re here.  It brings you money and it only requires that you put it on a tall ass pedestal and stay loyal to it.

Your purpose will never break up with you.  Getting back an ex is easy if just focus on your purpose.

For those of you who don’t know, your purpose is something that you

  • enjoy doing
  • are good at
  • can make good money with

For most men, the purpose is a business.  If you don’t have a purpose, you need to create one for yourself.  Having a purpose you create in life will solve many of your problems.  You’ll be able to build wealth and not be a wage slave anymore.  If you work a job, then you don’t need to leave it yet.  Start your side business and then you’ll be able to quit your job when your purpose can pay for it.

Date other women

sexual strategies

I know she’s the love of your life.  But you need to date other women if you want to get your ex back.

Dating other women will help keep your kind off of her for you can implement the no contact method effectively.  Seeing other women helps out a ton because it makes you non-desperate.  It gives you options.  And ironically it’s the best way to get your ex back.

Especially once you start fucking other women, you’ll start to feel more like a player.  You won’t be worried about your past girl as much.

Instead, you’ll be enjoying the energy of other women.  The feeling of positive energy from new girls will make you feel alive and well.

For those new to the game or rusty, here’s some articles for getting back in the game:

Social media – don’t block

Now this isn’t necessary with getting an ex back, but it can definitely help.

If you use social media, like Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook, don’t block your ex.  Definitely don’t contact her, but don’t block her either.  Blocking is a weak move.  Let her block you if she wants.

However, if she doesn’t block you, then this is a great opportunity to use social media against her.

Women dominate social media because most men are weak and will like all their pictures.  Women use social media or validation.  It’s a temporary confidence boost for them.

As men, we don’t really care if we have a big following on social media.  That being said, now is the best time to start using social.  If you can good decent pics of you out with friends, or just shots that show you living and enjoying life, then post on Instagram once or twice a week.  It doesn’t matter how many likes or anything like that.

If your ex follows you on Instagram or your social channel, she’ll see you having a good time.  Once she sees a few posts like this, she’ll think that you’re doing better without her.  This will cause her not to be happy for you.  But instead to hit you up.  Because in her mind your value has gone up.

Making yourself look like your living life

Again, you’re not doing this for validation or to feel good.  Your ex may post pics and if she’s decent looking there will be plenty of likes and comments on her photos.  But she’s just doing that to try and give herself an image of having this incredible life.  And the images she posts are far from her real life experience.

The same may be true for you.  These pictures you post aren’t the everyday moments of your life.  You may have a wage slave job and had one or two good nights where you had a friend snap a good picture of you.

But who gives a fuck.  Getting an ex back means making her think you’re a boss and are living a great life.  Women posts tons of pics after break ups.  But you’re a man doing this.  Men usually don’t post pictures of themselves and instead they shell up.  You’ll be different if you’re also posting pictures of you having a great life.

She’s going to think that she’s missing out on you.  Getting back an ex is way easier if they see you having a great life. She’ll want to be apart of that.  A lot of you guys want to know how to make my ex miss me.  And you don’t do that by blowing up her phone.  Instead, you create an image of yourself a boss.

Let her contact you first

applying red pill to business

You’ve been focusing on your purpose and chasing the money.  You’re more confident because you’re seeing other women. And you’ve been posting pictures of you winning and having a good time on your social media.

Even if you wanted to contact her first, you’ve stopped yourself.  And just like I said, she will running back.  Could be a week, two weeks, or two months.  But your ex has finally contacted you first.

Now you’re in a better position than before, and in a position to win your ex back.  But don’t blow it.  Stick to the plan

Keep it short, invite her over to your place

Ideally when she hits you up, she wants to hang out.  She might hit you with a “hey stranger” or “hi” text, or maybe a longer text with more feelings and wondering how you’re doing.

Either way, you’re going to respond in similar ways.  The goal with texting is to keep it short and make plans for her to come over to your place.  Because the game plan is for her to come over, you fuck her as well as you can.  Make her cum a lot.  This will make her not only feel good physically, but will get her more emotionally and mentally involved with you.  Getting an ex back requires that she becomes attached to you again, and this is how you do it.

You don’t do it by texting back and forth over and over again, talking on the phone, or meeting up at a park.

Follow the game plan

Don’t go somewhere on an expensive date, or anything else other than going to your place.

And don’t message her forever back and forth.  Keep things limited.  If she doesn’t want to come over, the ignore her.  Eventually, she’ll likely give in and come over to your place.  Stick to your guns and don’t get desperate.  This is a key step in how to get your woman back.

It’s crucial that you stick to the game plan.  It’s likely that she’ll want to meet you somewhere in public at a bar or restaurant.  But don’t do that.  Women are extremely aware of the logistics of sex.   Just tell her to hit you up when she feels like coming over.  Sooner or later she’ll give in and come through.  Many times it won’t be that hard and she’ll come over right away, especially the more masculine you were in the relationship.  But if you were feminine, then she’s going to test you more.

Don’t do things on her terms.  If you want to know how to win back your ex girlfriend, then you need to get her on your terms.

Amazing sex

Now the next part is you need to have sex with her like a sex god.

Which means you need to give her the best sex she’s had.  You can read my article (linked directly above) if you need to work on your sex skills.

The reason for amazing sex is that it will get her addicted to you.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Getting an ex back is much easier if she’s addicted to your sex game.  And the sex will not just get her into on a physical level.  She’ll start to feel love for you again outside of the bedroom.

Everything with women boils down to feeling.  A man who can give them amazing sex is someone who makes them feel good.  A man who takes them out on expensive dates to “talk things out” is a walking wallet.

Don’t ask to be back together 

player with women, confident

Getting an ex back doesn’t require you to beg for her back.  In fact, this will lessen your chances.  Given that you fucked her well and had a good time, her attachment to you will grow.  Don’t ruin that by acting all needy after sex.

Act cool.  Like as if you were just using her for sex.  You don’t have to kick her out of your place, but don’t put the pussy on a pedestal.  Just because you got the ass doesn’t mean the game is over.  She’s still evaluating you to see if you’re a man or not.

This is why you act chill after the fuck.  Adopt a player mindset for this to be second nature.

You can watch a movie, make drinks, take a shower together, or just chill.  Or even better, take a nap together if you’ve tired her out like you should’ve from your time in the bed.

Deep down, you still want her to be your girlfriend again.  So you can do things like I mentioned that are relaxing things that couples do.  You’re training her subconscious to think how easy it is to be with you.  But you’re not asking her to be together again.

Just assume that she’d be lucky to be with you.  If she doesn’t bring up being together in that interaction, then once she leaves wait for her to hot you up again, rinse and repeat.  Invite her over for sex, give her the best sex of her life, and be chill afterwards.

When she brings it up, set your terms

man becoming leader in relationship

Now once she brings it up, as in you two being together again, it’s time to set your terms.  You need to have a pimp mentality and be a boss in all areas of your life.  Especially your love life.  It may be after the first time she comes over and you fuck the shit out of her (very likely if your sex game is on pint), or it might be the 2nd or 3rd time.

Either way, you’ve waited for her to bring it up.  It may seem counter intuitive, but getting an ex back requires that you wait her to ask.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, but men are the gatekeepers of relationships.  And since she broke up with you, she has to ask for it back.  As the man, you may feel like you should pursue her.  Yes and no.

  • Yes because you should pursue her for sex.
  • But you shouldn’t pursue the relationship, even if you want it.

You need to let her pursue that and “win” the relationship from you.  Just like you “win” sex form her.  Otherwise she won’t feel right about getting back together if you’re the one pushing for it.  In order to feel like you’re wort getting back with, she has to push the conversation of a relationship.

Setting your terms

Now it’s time to set your terms.  She’s either going to ask you directly if you’ll take her back, or she’ll ask where the two of you stand.

If she asks to take you back, and if you want her back, then proceed to give your terms.  But if she asks where you two stand, you can say something like “we’re cool with each other, but we’re not a thing.  It’s fun in the bed with you so we can keep that going.  If you want to make things work and be together, I’ll consider it, but I’d need you to show your dedication to me before I agreed.  I’d want the relationship to be healthy and work differently than before.  If you’re up for that, then we can look into pursuing something”

Example terms

And then from there you can set your terms.  If you’re going to get back together with ex, then you need to have new terms.  Your terms don’t have to be the same as mine, but things I’d set would have to do with

  • her giving you enough time to work on your purpose
  • getting her to cook, clean, help out
  • her getting more emotional control when she’s upset

And so on.  She will revert to old habits once the relationship starts.  But then you’ll be able to go back to your terms to remind her to what she agreed to.  If you have balls and keep her accountable, you can train her to be better and do things you want to do.

She’ll beg for more of your time.  But when she does, you can remind her she agreed to give you this time to work on that business.  You can text her to have dinner ready for when you get home.  And you’ll have the upper hand in arguments going forward when she acts up.

Get her invested in you

Woman serving man good

Getting her to do the things I listed above will also cause her to be more invested in you.  And she’ll be more in love with you.  A woman who cooks, cleans, and helps her man is out is much more invested.  She’ll be more likely to be down for sex for often because she feels you’ll be the man.

She wants a leader

Your woman wants to feel like you’re a leader with her.  You can give her different terms than I gave above.  But the point of the terms is to give leadership and reinforce that you’re the man.  Your life will be better, but the relationship will be better and she’ll actually be happier.

Setting your terms is a big deal that most men miss out on.  Getting an ex back means that you need to set the terms the right way.  Otherwise you’re headed for a bad relationship or another break up.  And if you don’t set your terms, you can bet all of your money she’ll set her terms, and you’ll follow them like the nice guy beta you are.

Getting an ex back or getting over an ex

getting ex back - laying in bed

At the end of the day, you have the choice between getting an ex back or getting over an ex.

I know most of you want to get her back and are going to go for that route.  I don’t fault you for that.  The loss of a relationship can be extremely painful and send many men into depression and despair.  And there are men that get back with exes and make things better.

But they’re the minority.  Most guys that get they’re exes back fall into the same patterns and eventually break up or get cheated on.

My best piece of advice is to cure your oneitis and get over this girl.  There are plenty of other women out there in the world for you.  Father time will heal all wounds, and eventually she’ll just be a memory.

But if you’re insisting on getting her back, then make sure you set your terms and maintain a strong frame.  Stay focused on your purpose, build your net worth and make getting rich your main priority.  She’ll be more likely to stay with you that way.  And if she doesn’t, you’ll have plenty of other options.

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