Never Go Back to An Ex Girlfriend: 5 Reasons it Won’t Work out

Never Go Back to An Ex Girlfriend, especially when she dumped you

never go back to an ex girlfriend

You should never go back to an ex girlfriend, especially if she dumped you.

This article is the answer to a question I had by a reader.  He was telling me about his situation and asked why you should never go back to an ex girlfriend, as I mention in my article on how to be a man.  So I thought I’d devote a post to go into a little more detail on exactly why this is a bad idea.  It’s bad for your masculinity, and the relationship won’t work out.  But I’d figure I’d share more detail on exactly why.  As I know there are many other men in the same situation who want to get back with their ex girlfriends.

It’s going to be the same as before

Just like women initiate 70% of divorces, they also initiate the majority of the break ups.  I’m sure most of you reading this, besides my regular boys, have been dumped by your ex.  Getting back with your ex girlfriend won’t be better than it was before.  Even though you miss her and just want her back, it’s not going to work out.

Since you’re still wondering if there’s a chance, I’m going to give you 5 reasons why you should never go back to an ex girlfriend.  Hopefully you’ll see after reading this that you’re wasting your time and energy trying to make things work with an ex.

On the off-chance you broke up with her, you still shouldn’t get back with her, although things are more favorable than the guys who got dumped.  I touch briefly on this later in the article.

Reasons why you shouldn’t get back with your Ex

The 5 main reasons why you should never go back to an ex girlfriend:

  1. She’s going to dump you again
  2. It didn’t work out for a reason
  3. De-masculinize yourself
  4. Bad for your self esteem
  5. She has the power

1. She’s going to dump you again

getting back with your ex dump you

She dumped you once.  And she’s capable of doing it again.  The fact that she left you meant she thought she was more valuable than you.  Otherwise she would’ve stayed with you.  Regardless of the specific reason, which is still important, she didn’t feel your manhood.

Your ex knows that she can get you back, especially if you’re acting weak towards her right now.  If she broke up with you once or more, then she’ll always be able to do it again.  And the next time it will only be easier for her.  Even if you do get her back, this will cause you to act more desperate in the relationship.

If she dumped you leave her alone.  Ironically, full blown no contact will likely get her to come back.  But you should still never go back to your ex girlfriend.  Because you’ll still fall into your same patterns and she’ll dump you sooner or later.

2. It didn’t work out for a reason

Whatever your situation was, it didn’t workout.  And that reason will always be there.  Whatever problems the two of you had will still persist.

If she’s breaking up with you, then she couldn’t feel your masculinity at some level.  Maybe she didn’t like the sex, or you never lead in the relationship, she didn’t feel emotionally stimulated, or you let her get away with too much.

The same problems will re-emerge.  In your desperate attempts to get her back, you’ll fool yourself into thinking that things can be different this time.  But the unhappiness that you or she felt will be painfully present.

3. De-masculinize yourself

beta getting back with ex

You should never go back to an ex girlfriend because it will de-masculinize yourself.  Going back to an ex girlfriend is a weak behavior.  And by doing so, you won’t be as masculine and as strong.  This is even more true if she dumped you, and even more true if you begged for her to get back with you.

You basically begged for her to get back with you, and out of lack of options or just feeling pity for you, she went for it.

The relationship is doomed because you’re in a de-masculinized state and she’ll lose interest again.  Now, if she’s the one who is begging for you back then you can regain your masculine position.  But it will be an uphill battle to maintain it because she’ll resist the change in relationship dynamics.

4. Bad for your self esteem

Getting back with an ex girlfriend will make you feel worse about yourself.  Sure, in the short-term you may feel good that you got her back.  But overtime, you’ll start to feel like shit for getting back with her.

You got dumped by her before, and being with someone who thought less of you will make you lose your confidence.  Even if you dumped her, getting back with her will still make you feel bad about yourself.  You weren’t happy and you ended the relationship for a reason.  The fact that you got back with her shows you were desperate or had no other options.

Either way you look at it, getting back with an ex girlfriend is going to make you feel worse about yourself.

5. She has the power

woman has power in relationship

Getting back with a girl in 90% of the cases gives her the power.  Since she dumped you, and you begged for her back, she now holds the pants in the relationship.  She’ll lead you.  And down the line this will cause her to resent you.

Women try to get the power in relationships, but once they have it, they get bored.

The reason they always want the power is because they’re shit testing you to see if you’re strong or weak.  A strong, masculine man, will keep the power.  Her survival instincts will like this in a man.  But when you give her the power in a relationship, she’ll start to think that you can’t protect her, since you can’t even lead her.  She’ll lose attraction for you and eventually dump you again or cheat.

You can reverse this by not being desperate and letting her beg for you back.  Then you’ll have the power.  But then it’s still not advised that you get back with her.

What if I dumped her?

man leaves woman

Let’s you say dumped her?  Or she was the one that is coming back to try and date you.

This is much, much better than you begging for her back.  Because when your ex girlfriend is the one to beg to get back with you, you now have the power.  You’ll be able to be masculine and lead the relationship.  So it’s possible you two can still workout.

But eventually, you’ll either

  • start to get into your old beta habits with her, and she’ll lose interest
  • still maintain alpha-ness, but you’ll get bored and dump her

In both situations, things will go back to how they were before.  If you were originally alpha, dumped her, and then she begged for you back, then you can date her again.  You’ll likely get bored, but ultimately you’ll have the control that’s needed to maintain the relationship.

For 90% of you guys who got dumped, you should never go back to an ex girlfriend.  For those of you that broke up with her, you have the option, but chances are you’ll end up dumping her again.

Why you want to get back with her

There’s two reasons why you want to get back with her

  1. Nostalgia
  2. Feeling of “Missing her”


getting a girlfriend - keeping the relationship alive

Remembering the “good times” is easy to do when you’re no longer together.  People tend to remember the good things about a relationship rather than the bad when it’s over.  It’s natural, and it’s even more of a thing when she dumps you.  But the past is the past.  Selectively choosing to remember the good and not the bad is a cruel deception you’re trying to trick yourself into doing.

Feeling of “Missing her”

You want what you can’t have.  The feeling of missing an ex girlfriend that you no longer have access to can be immense.  But realize that once you get her back, you won’t even be as happy.  For any of you who have ever gotten back with an ex, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  It feels like you miss her so much when the two of you break up.  But the second you get back together, you don’t feel the same.  You don’t feel so desperate for her anymore.  And you don’t feel that longing to try and make things work.  Because you already got her back.

Human brains can be so smart yet extremely confusing to the person they’re in at the same time.  Your brain is tricking you into missing her.  It thinks it’s losing out on a mating option.  And the lack of you having her raises the value of her in your own head.

But once you get her back, you won’t feel the same anymore.

That’s why things will get bad again.  Because all of the missing her and desire to get her back will be gone once you two get back together.  And then things will unfold the same way they did before.

What you should do instead

boss up and be a man

Know you know to never go back to an ex girlfriend.  But what do you do instead?  Well, first accept that you might just have oneitis.  If you realize this, then you can also accept that you can cure this obsession with her and get over her.

Time heals all, but time alone isn’t enough.  You need to put a lot of energy into living your life so you can move on and become a stronger man.  You need to:

  1. Focus on your purpose
  2. Date other women
  3. Hang out with your bros
  4. Start doing hobbies you love
  5. Hit the gym hard
  6. and enjoy life

Don’t stay inside and cry over this shit.  That’s not going to ever help you.  Instead you’ll feel more desperate for her and you might end up acting in weak ways.  Instead, go out there and live your life.  Create a purpose for yourself.  Use that to make a business that can build your wealth and maybe even make you rich.

Date other women.  Maybe even learn how to be a player.  At the minimum, get some new female energy in your life.  Reconnect with your bros and go out to clubs + bars with them.  Pick up old or new hobbies that interest you.  Hit the gym hard and pack on the muscle.

Enjoy life and get outside.  Never go back to an ex girlfriend and feel like you’re stuck.  The world is your oyster, but you need to accept that there’s better things for yourself.  Put the effort in and you’ll be able to become better from this break up.

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