The importance of Calmness: How to be Calm

The Importance of Calmness: How to be Calm

Calmness is one of the most favorable traits you can have as a human being navigating through life.  As a man in any time period, especially in the current time we live in, being calm is rare.  Yet if you develop calmness, your life will be blessed.

What does it mean to be Calm?

Can you still be on your purpose and be calm?  Yes.  I always talk about being on your purpose, putting in time, and working a lot.  Calmness doesn’t mean laziness.  As the Navy Seals say, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.  Being calm is about having control over your inner being.  This allows you to behave how you choose, in a logical manner to all situations.

While calmness may be associated with monks, it should be a quality all men master.

Being calm won’t slow you down in life.  It may cause you to slowdown for a second.  But slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.  Having the ability to take a step back and put things in perspective will help you to make the right rational choices.

Being calm doesn’t mean you don’t do anything.  Monks who are seen as being calm have the ultimate purpose of achieving enlightenment, nirvana, going to heaven, etc. depending on their spiritual practice.  And as regular men trying to live our best lives, learning to be calm is of great value to us as well.

Calmness definition

Calmness can be defined as

the state or quality of being free from agitation or strong emotion.

This definition is spot on.  Someone who is calm can be sitting still or they can be in middle of a championship fight.  Calmness is when you’re free from the outside world affecting you in a major way.  You may be affected slightly, but this is limited.  It’s when you have control over yourself internally.  When you’re calm, you decide how you act and behave.  You’re not bound to react to everything that might otherwise bother the normal person.

Why being calm is important?

  1. Being calm magnifies your masculinity
  2. Calmness is the center of self control, and self control what leads to success
  3. Happier and higher quality of life

1.  Being calm magnifies your masculinity

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Calmness is one of the defining characteristics of masculinity.  While you might typically think of strength or respect as the biggest components of being a man, and they are very important, I’d argue calmness is just as important.  Calmness is the foundation for having true strength, as well as having respect for yourself + others.

When you’re calm, you’re unaffected by the outside world.  It’s difficult not to let the outside world dominant us.   But when we master calmness, we’re developing will power and self restraint.  And in doing so, we embody what it means to be a man.  Learning how to be calm gives us the ability to be rational in our approach to life.  We all have feelings and emotions.  A man whose become calm can control these and depend on his logic.  He still has feelings, but he can control these and not be overpowered by them.

2. Calmness is the center of self control, and self control what leads to success

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Being calm lays the foundation for you to have self control.   Self control is the difference between success and failure.  Once you have self control, you realize the power you have.  You can achieve financial freedom, make 6-figures, lead relationships, travel the world, and do whatever else you want to in life.

In order to these things, you must have self control.  With self control comes mastery over yourself.  You won’t make mistakes like getting desperate to get laid or make a relationship work, or to get an extra deal, or to depend on anyone for your happiness.   A man whose calm relies on himself for his own well being.  Because he’s not dependent on the outside world for a dopamine rush, he can do the things necessary to achieve his goals.

He can do things like stay in on Friday nights for a year or 2 years instead of going to the club so he ca grow his business and get proper sleep.

We all still enjoy sex and affection from a beautiful woman, watching our favorite shows, or eating food we shouldn’t.  But there’s a time and place for everything.  A man whose calm knows the power of self control, and therefore can practice delayed gratification in order to achieve his long term goals.

3.  Happier and higher quality of life

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When you’re more calm, you’re going to be happier a larger percent of the time.

When you’re calm, things can’t bother you as much.  Life is perfect for no man.  But when you’ve become more calm in yourself, things don’t bother you as much.  The prospect didn’t sign up to be a client, even though you thought you convinced him?  No worries, a calm man will see if he can learn from his mistakes but won’t be bogged down by the loss.   You had a date but the girl canceled on you, or your girlfriend is having a bad day and she’s taking it out on you.  In either case, you’re not going to lose your cool.  You’re not going to be desperate to convince the girl to meet with you on this day.  Or you’re not going to react and apologize when you shouldn’t or start yelling at your girlfriend.  You don’t need to do that.

Instead you don’t make it a big deal about the date.  It wasn’t going to be  the highlight of your day.  You stop pursuing that girl and let her find another time with you, it’s all good.  You can try to support your girlfriend, but can be firm in calling out her bad behavior and then remove yourself from the situation and let her cool down + apologize.

When you’ve mastered calmness,  it’s not like problems disappear.  But they become much less of an issue.  You aren’t fazed by them anymore.  You can deal with them from a place of strength and rationality instead of passion + emotion.

How to be more calm

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1.  Practice

Catch yourself losing your cool.  This is when you get too mad, sad, nervous, or even too excited.  When you lose control of your emotions, you’re not calm anymore.

Practice stepping  back whenever your emotions get too powerful.  If you do this enough, eventually you’ll be able to catch yourself as you begin to build up a feeling and stop it before it gets too overwhelming.  In this way, you can develop emotional control that’s not just bottling up your emotions.  Instead, you’re stopping yourself from having too powerful emotions  in the first place.

2 – Read about stoicism

Stoicism, especially that by Marcus Aurelius.  He was a Roman emperor and a Stoic  philosopher who wikipedia correctly summarizes as being known for his self-restraint, duty, and respect for others.  His works, along with many Stoic philosophers, give huge insight into the nature of the world, and the best way for a man to act.  His works reflections on the world, how to view life, and how to conduct yourself as a man.  After reading one his books, mediations, I took away one of the major themes was value of calmness.  We’re nothing in the  large spect of time and the universe.   Aurelius discusses things such as the importance of having control of yourself, being grateful, and living the best life you can while you have it.   If you  did those 3 things, you would be calm, yet ambitious and positive in your outlook of life.

Calmness is key to navigating life and getting the best results

There are times for aggression or situations where it can be beneficial to leverage extreme emotions.  However, these are few and far between, and even so, it would take a sense of calmness to understand when is the time to let emotion reign.  Calmness is key for getting what you want out of life.   It’s key for being masculine, yet also being happy with your life.  This is the ultimate balance that men want to achieve.

To enjoy life, yet also be masculine.  Yet you won’t be happy if you’re a feminine male, and being masculine yet being miserable leads to a negative life experience.  That’s why mastering how to be calm is the perfect balance.  When you understand that the importance of calmness, you’ll be able to practice it like anything else.   When a man becomes calm, he can get more done and stress less.  A calm man can block out negativity from others – aka he can hold frame, and feel the way he wants to.

He can enjoy simple days in the present and also look forward to future possibilities.  It’s the best way to live as a man.

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