Checking your girl: How to put her in her place and stop the disrespect
Checking your girl is a necessity if you’re going to have a relationship that has any functionally and real chance of working.
The title of this article sounds harsh and it will be taken out of context. I am by no means saying you should ever hit a woman, that’s abusive and weak. And you don’t even need to yell at her. But you do need to stop the disrespect and check her if she’s going against your values.
We live in a time period of bitch ass men. Men who are really males instead of men. Guys who are too afraid to put her in her place when she’s acting up. Women will test you. Commonly referred to as shit tests or whatever term you prefer. They do this to test a man’s strength.
These are easy to pass when you first meet a girl and are just trying to get laid. But once you start dating a woman for a while and get into a relationship is where things get hard. These are when real tests will come up. Essentially your girl will disrespect you in some form or fashion.
The more masculine she is… or the more feminism she has consumed, the more or harder to test. That’s the bad news. The good news is that most women are feminine and not masculine by nature. If you’re able to be more masculine than her, then you won’t become weak. You’ll be able to put her in her place and make her look foolish for testing you.
What Checking your Girl means
It means stopping her from bad behavior. Stopping her from disrespecting you.
A woman must respect a man in order to be attracted to him. It’s a prerequisite for her having sexual interest in you.
And she can only respect you if you stand up to her bullshit. Checking your girl doesn’t mean you hit her or lay a hand on her. Don’t do that. It also doesn’t mean yelling and arguing with her all the time. It definitely can involve a stern, powerful voice. But you need to use this sparingly and use it to end conversations, not to begin a yelling fight.
Why you need to check your girl
Checking your girl is absolutely vital for the relationship. I mentioned this above, but because it’s so important I’m going to emphasize it again. Checking your girl is critical because it gives you:
- Respect – so she respects your leadership, respects you as a man
- Keeps her feminine
- Keeps her attracted and in love with you
If you want to have control in your life, you need to lead any relationship with a woman you’re in. You need to be the leader with your girlfriend or wife especially. If you let them lead, it’s going to have a negative ripple effect across the rest of your life.
You need her to respect you. Way, way, way too many guys are so quick to throw out the respect they have for themselves over a woman. When this happens, shit goes down hill. We’ll get to that in a minute.
When you stop the disrespect and put her in her place, you get a much more feminine woman. She’ll be more loyal, sweet, and submissive towards you. And you’ll be able to keep her attracted to you for the entirety of the relationship. Which means she’ll chase your validation all the time. She’ll chase you for love. And the two of you can have a solid relationship.
What happens when you don’t check her?
But what happens when you don’t put her in her place? That’s when you get all the negatives that probably drove you to this site in the first place. You get things like:
- She tests you more and more
- Takes the power from you
- Dumps you or cheats on you
- Unhappiness and confusion
She tests you more and more
Women test you to make sure you’re masculine. If you want a woman who will never test you, then keep looking. It’s true that women from different cultures can test you much less and be more feminine than say American women. But all women will test you to some degree.
However, the tests stop when you put her in her place. Checking your girl will cause the tests to stop and it will be a while before she tests you again.
But when you fail to check your girl, when you become weak… is when you’ll get more and more tests. It will start out with her trying to get you to do things on her schedule. Then she’ll start to go out more with her friends without inviting you, give you less sex, and becoming more distant.
Takes the power from you
When you don’t stop the disrespect, your girl is going to take the power from you. As men, we value respect. In fact it’s the only thing we value more than sex.
And there’s a reason for that. Consciously, most men don’t think about this. But subconsciously, we know how important respect is. Respect is necessary for women to be attracted to us. Even with men respect is what keeps us from constantly fighting each other. When there’s no respect, men fight for status and power. And then once that’s established, respect can be found again.
That’s why we need to stop the disrespect from people. Otherwise they walk all over you. From men we inherently know this. This also applies to women. If you’re not checking your girl when she disrespects you, then her lack of respect for you will cause her to gain the power. You care more than she does which allows her to disrespect you. Then the relationship is fucked.
Dumps you or cheats on you
Failing to put her in her place when she’s acting up is what leads to a woman dumping or cheating on you. If she does that shit it’s still her loss, she’s responsible for her actions. No need to get her back.
However, you need to look at why that happened so you can avoid that next time. You definitely need to choose a higher quality woman.
And you also need to make sure you’re managing the relationship correctly. Women can dump or cheat on a masculine man who puts her in her place and fucks her right… it’s just extremely unlikely. In fact it almost never happens, except sometimes when couples go long distance. Like if he’s a masculine man but is in the military and gets deployed or something else. In that case there’s only so much you can do.
But checking your girl when she is testing you will keep her feminine. She’ll be reminded that you’re not going to take her shit. She can kick rocks if she’s going to disrespect you. Just her knowing that will keep in her a state where she would think twice before losing you.
Unhappiness and confusion
You’ll end up unhappy and confused why the relationship turned sour and why she changed. But in most cases it’s just because you didn’t check her bad behavior when it came up.
How to put her in her place
Knowing how to put her in place will keep the relationship on your terms. The way to put her in her place is not to ever lay a hand on her or yell at her. Instead, you’re much better off being cold to her and firm when needed. Checking your girl involves:
- Initially set standards to begin with in every new relationship
- Ignore / withdraw attention
- Be firm
Initially set standards to begin with in every new relationship
The easiest way to put her in her place is to set the standards from the get go. Even when a woman isn’t your girlfriend, she’ll see your standards from the way you carry yourself. The way you value and allocate your time, the way you take charge, and the way she sees you move as a man.
And when you do get in an official relationship with a girl, after she is asking you for one and you’ve vetted her, you directly set your standards. This is when you’ve been seeing a woman for a few months already. She’s brought up what your intentions are and by this point she is trying to lock you down for a relationship.
Terms for relationship
Once you’ve determined she’s high quality woman and someone you want to be exclusive with, you give her your terms for the relationship. Make it your own words, but you can say something like this when she’s asking about relationships:
- “_____(Her name), you’re a cool girl and I enjoy the time we spend together. I feel there is more we can build with each other. However, being committed to me is a big task for you. My goal in any relationship to to elevate the person I’m with. In order to do that, I have certain standards and things you need to understand to ensure we’re on the same page.
- First off, my business (or job) takes up a huge chunk of my time. You must understand this and be okay with that. I’ll work to still make time for us, but it might not be as much as you want. My business is how I’m going to support us, how we’re going to have a greater potential for our lives, and will impact how we can help other people in the future.
- Secondly, I have some things in the relationship I’ll need you to agree to. 1. Being supportive of me and my purpose. 2. Respecting me as a man and my role to lead the relationship, as I’ll respect you as a woman and your role to nurture the relationship. We’re both equal and can have discussions, but I need to rule my kingdom 3. Not hurting the integrity of the relationship by entertaining male friends.” – many women will complain about this but getting agreement here will make your life much easier later on
- And so on, you can make up terms s you see fit for what you need.
Starting off right
A beta will think the above is a weak thing for a red pilled man to say. But this is advanced game. It’s being authentic and at the same time getting in her head. You’re getting her to buy into your world even more. And what you’re saying is coming from a position of power and authenticity. Never weakness. If she objects to any of them no need to worry. You can briefly explain to her why you value that, but at the end of the day that’s your stance and if she wants to be with you she needs to comply with it.
Setting the terms at the beginning of a relationship will make checking your girl so much easier later on. Trust me. It will prevent many issues from coming up, and when they do, you’ll be able to bring up the terms she agreed to. This gives her something that holds her accountable. As men, it’s our job to take responsibility. When you create clear terms, you’re setting standards.
It’s so much easier to put her in her place when you clearly define what her place directly to her is in the beginning.
Ignore / withdraw attention
The first thing you should do in most cases to put her in her place is to ignore or withdraw attention.
This is the best way to handle girls who aren’t your girlfriend, like plates/fuckbuddies, or with girlfriends you didn’t set the standards with yet. If you set standards and she’s breaking them, you can skip this and go directly to being firm.
However I know most of you didn’t set standards in the beginning of your relationships. I know that I certainly didn’t when I was younger.
But we can work with that. When a girl is going against what you want, but it’s nothing worth breaking up / cutting off yet, just ignore her more.
Remove your attention
Give her less attention. Hang out less. Go to the gym more. Come home late if you live together. Let her pursue you for sex.
Basically run dread game on her. And add a layer of being more cold and distant. This should get her to chase you. If she calls you out on you being distant, you can either be direct and tell her you don’t like her behavior, or deny it.
Being direct will cause drama upfront, but she’ll know what she needs to do to change. This is what I prefer to do in relationships. She already knows you’re being cold on purpose, so getting to the point will get her to change sooner rather than later. This will also help to put her in her place in the future if she reverts to whatever the behavior is.
Or you can deny it. You can say you’re not more distant and lie. I’ve done this before and it works, but I personally think being direct is better.
This can still be effective, and especially for plates/fuckbuddies it’s fine. But you won’t be able to have a healthy long term relationship with this girl since you’re never setting your standards. Again, fine for short term flings, just be aware that it’s not ideal for real relationships.
When you set standards for the relationship like mentioned above, and she begins to break them, you can call her out directly for it. That’s when you sit her down and tell her firmly, yet not emotionally, about her transgressions. You can tell her she’s breaking the terms and she needs to change.
But if you didn’t set standards, and she’s continuing to go against what you want even after you’re cold, you need to sit her down.
Tell her that what she’s doing isn’t something you want from your woman. And that she needs to change. Similar as above, accept that she’ll be able to put up more of a verbal exchange because these terms will be new to her.
As long as you’ve been masculine, been fucking her right, and have maintained your integrity, you should be able to get her to agree with you. But even if you’ve made mistakes, sticking your foot in the ground here is still strong. In fact it’s probably a fresh of fresh alpha energy she craves.
Example of being firm when you didn’t originally set standards
She might not agree with you right then and there. That’s fine. Let’s say she’s been going out with her friends and never inviting you. You go cold at first, start working out more, stop pursuing her. She maybe tries to fuck you more once in a while but doesn’t make serious changes.
This is when you sit her down and tell her she needs to stop. She may agree, but more likely than not she’ll disagree and try to fight with you. Especially since she thinks now you’re trying to be controlling.
That’s also fine. Don’t argue with her. You were cold before and are being firm now with your standards.
If she’s not compliant, tell her she can reach out to you when she changes her mind. From there, it’s time for you to leave. If you live together, go stay somewhere else for a few nights. Ideally you don’t live together and you can kick her out or leave wherever you are.
Don’t talk to her until she apologies and says she’ll agree with your terms.
It’s not about yelling at her, or being cruel. I’m not for treating women badly at all. However you need to be calm and yet strict with how you handle these situations, even more so the longer you two have been together. If this isn’t a girlfriend, then this stuff doesn’t apply to you.
Don’t put your happiness in her
The easiest way to make sure you’re always able to check your girl is to not put all of your happiness in her. She can add to your happiness. It’s hard not to when you get a high quality girl who adds value to your life. That’s what we all want with a woman anyways, whether it’s a girlfriend or multiple women.
But just don’t place all of your happiness in a woman. When you stay focused on your purpose, yet still fuck her properly and maintain your leadership, checking your girl when needed will be a side effect. You like having her in your life, but you know you can replace her if she becomes in-compliant with your values. This will allow you to enjoy the relationship while also giving you the ability to stop the disrespect and keep her in her feminine energy.
Checking your girl or having to put her in her place sounds mean. But it doesn’t need to be done in a fucked up way. Do it calmly, yet firm, and stick to your word. She wants you to be the rock to support her when she’s down, and the same rock that will stop her from bringing the two of you down. Then she’ll know you unshakeable, that you have high standards, and she’ll feel more secure in your ability to be the man.