Choosing Signals and Power Dynamics between Men and Women Explained
I get tons of questions regarding choosing signals and the overall power dynamics between men and women. in this article we’ll discuss the basics of choosing signals, the natural dichotomy between the sexes, and what you should do about it.
What are “Choosing signals?”
Choosing signals are essentially when women show interest in you. They’re called “choosing signals” because the woman is trying to let you know she’s selected you as a potential mate. Women do the choosing in the mating game, because they bear consequence of the result of sex with pregnancy. Men are more willing to sleep with whoever because we don’t have to invest the same amount of energy. A woman can only get pregnant once a year, while a man could impregnate hundreds of women if he had the access. Therefore, women are naturally more selective than men, and do the “choosing”. Men obviously still pick the women we want to deal with, but in general men are much less choosey when it comes to sex. Even a promiscuous women who has slept with 100+ men has easily rejected thousands of other men.
Why don’t women just approach me?
While it’s possible that women might approach you, as we’ll discuss below, it’s much more rare. Usually women will give you choosing signals. Women don’t have the testosterone needed to fuel an approach. And also on a purely physical level, it doesn’t make sense why a woman would approach you. A man is potentially a physical threat to a woman, while a woman isn’t a threat to a man. It’s only natural that the more secure, physically stronger of the two would make the approach.
You might think “well I’d never hurt a woman”. Yea, but some other guy could. As a man, you’re the more dangerous of the two, and therefore, you’ll have to take the action to make a move.
However, choosing signals exist for a reason. While women are not programmed to get men by approaching, they are programmed to invite the men they select over. This is where choosing signals come into play. If a woman is giving you choosing signals, she’s inviting you to make a move. If you don’t like her, then just ignore these. But if you like what you see, then make a move.
Examples of choosing signals
The most common choosing signal is simply checking you out. It’s usually just a quick look. You two make eye contact, then she looks down to to the side.
You know that feeling when you were at a club or party and a girl looked at you and you thought “I think she likes me but I’m not 100% sure”. Well, she more than likely was choosing you and you were too scared to do something about it, or you didn’t like her. Again, you’re not obligated to like the woman back. But if you do fancy her, you’d best make a move.
Women may do other things like come stand near you, and occasionally glance in your direction (she’s desperate at this point), or even stop in front of you to pick something up.
More obvious choosing signals can be seen on social media where a girl will like old photos of yours, or even respond to a story / reel on IG.
Unattractive give me strong choosing signals and even approach me?
Why Women Give Choosing Signals Rather than approach you
Attractive women still find you attractive, but they’re generally not going to give up their power in a big way.
Usually they’ll give you “the eyes” or glances as choosing signals. And even this is usually involuntary – meaning they do it without thinking about it.
Don’t expect any more than that. Sure, it’s possible they might do more. If you’re at a social gathering with mutual friends, then they might come up with some excuse to talk to you.
However, if you’re out a night club, bar, or just in an otherwise public environment, attractive women aren’t going to make the first move.
It’s the masculine role to be approach, and the feminine role to be receptive. Think about sex. A man gets erect, he literally extends himself to penetrate. While a woman makes herself receptive to receive the man.
A woman checking you out, giving you a slight look, is the invitation for you to make the move.
Exceptions to the Rule: Drunk and Masculine Women
Are there exceptions to this? Of course. If you’re just the right type of guy for her, she might just approach you directly. However, this takes a combination of her being masculine (energy / attitude wise, not looks wise), you being her perfect type, and / or her relying on liquid confidence (aka alcohol).
I’ve had this happen to me before a few times. However… it’s extremely rare. On a night out I might get anywhere from a few to quite a few attractive girls check me out, which could equate to thousands of choosing signals in my life. Where as I’ve only been directly approached by a handful of women. Usually it involves the woman being semi-drunk and being pumped up by a few friends to come say something like “you’re hot” or just come up to dance on me (nightclub setting).
I’ve had an attractive woman cold approach me directly on the street before while on semen retention.
But this is an anomaly and not a reliable way to meet women. And in order to approach a man directly, especially sober, requires a masculine drive not even found in most males. So while the woman looked feminine, her energy was masculine and not something I was going to entertain in any kind of serious manner.
What about Women messaging me first on Online Dating or IG?
Online dating could be an “exception”, as women can often message you on Tinder or DM you on Instagram. However, I don’t really consider this an approach. Yes, it’s a “digital” approach, but it doesn’t require the same will needed to approach someone in real life.
That’s why both beta males and women can message their target on these platforms and yet never do so in real life.
So if a woman messages you first on a dating app or on IG, that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily masculine. Rather just treat it like a (very strong) choosing signal.
Also, just to be crystal clear – this article is focused on the initial approach or introduction. An ex girlfriend calling you isn’t the same as a woman cold approaching you, as you two already have a history. Once you two are in contact, there should be a somewhat balanced approach to communication if you two are on good terms.
The Power Structure
You can’t blame women for their lack of balls when it comes to approaching men. They literally don’t have the balls to. Even most men in today’s era need a good dose of alcohol before they get the confidence to talk to women.
A lot of men on the internet get upset by this, but they have simply chosen to ignore human nature.
Women do the choosing, and men do the approaching.
That’s the power structure between men and women.
Even if women were to approach you, they’d be masculine in nature. Think about the women that make a living out of approaching men. These are gold diggers approaching athletes and elite businessmen, etc. While gold diggers are often the hottest physically, they also are the most masculine women at their core. They’re looking to extract a man from his resources.
Where as a feminine woman would rather secure a man with resources. The difference is that the feminine woman still wants the man to have his resources, as she trusts him to use what he’s earned properly. The masculine woman has no more trust in men (generally has been heart broken or abused), and therefore is looking to extract from the man what makes him a man and have it for herself.
What should you do about it?
My recommendation is simple. First, Max out your looks, success, and confidence.
While everyone focuses on looks, money, and status, I believe looks, success, and confidence are what actually matters. Your actual money is generally unknown (people can only guess) and status is also just a measure of your success in a social hierarchy.
By focusing on your health, strength, and having good hygiene, you can maximize your looks without focusing on it too much directly. Maximizing your looks will definitely help you in life, but over emphasizing your looks as a man is also feminine. So don’t get too carried away.
By focusing on your career / purpose, you’ll naturally be focusing on your success. With consistent repetition day in and day out, success will be yours.
Those two will both fuel your confidence, however this can be independently raised as well.
When you have looks, success, and confidence, women will give you choosing signals. From there, you can approach / respond back to / deal with the women who put themselves in your orbit.
That way you don’t waste tons of time cold approaching random women who aren’t a fit for your life. You can selectively approach the women who like you. Essentially, make yourself a man that women like. And from the women that like you, you can choose the ones you like.
Is this always the way the game goes? Of course not. If you see an attractive woman you want, and she’s not choosing you, you can still go ahead and make a move. However, if you want to optimize your life, you have the method to do so. Essentially it boils down to you making yourself a man woman want to be with. You become that man by focusing on bettering yourself and not actually doing it for the women. Some call it ironic, I cal it life.