January 10

How to be a Player: 5 Steps to Becoming a Ladies Man


How to be a Player

how to be a player

Learning how to be a player will ensure you always have women in your life.  Every man wants sex and affection from beautiful women.

You may want to play the field for the rest of your days.  Or you might just want to have some fun for a few years.  Either way, developing your skills and acquiring the knowledge on how to be a player will help you with your interactions and relationships going forward.

You’ll create a fun life style with sexual abundance, and you’ll figure out what you really like in a woman.  If you decide to settle down then learning how to be a player beforehand will ensure you have options.  Becoming a player with women will also help you to play the game of life.  Your confidence will sky rocket and carry over to other areas.

You’ll need to put in a few months to even a few years to master your player abilities.  It’s not easy to become a ladies man.  However, the fun and experiences you’ll have will make it more than worth it.  If you’re interested in learning how to be a player and dominate your dating life then this guide is for you.

And this is to teach you how to be a male player.  The majority of females in today’s society are already players.  You need to learn how to counter act their game if you want to have the dating life you deserve.

Not a short read

This is a long, in depth guide.  It’s over 10,000 words.  If you’re busy, then come back and read this later.  It’s not a “short read”, or something that’s meant to be skimmed.  This is the full strategy for you to implement to become a player and have lots of women in your life.

But enough with the intro.  If you’re reading this, then you’re probably already sold and just want to know how to be a player.  Well, fair enough.  I’m going to break it down with a few keys rules of the game, and then discuss the steps to how to be a player.

Rules you need to know before you learn How to be a Player

There are 5 steps to become a player.  Before we dive into those steps, we must cover the 7 basic rules of the dating game.

Rule 1: Women do the choosing

woman choosing

Women do the choosing.  This means that women get to decide if they want to fuck you or not.

It’s up to them who they decide they like.  Most guys are just so thirsty they’ll fuck any pussy that come their way.

What this comes down to his breaking down the myth of building attraction or seducing women.  A player knows from experience that women know if they want to fuck you in a matter of seconds after they meet you.  Whether the actual sex happens come down to you not messing up along the way and of course logistics.

Basically, you can’t create attraction from nothing when you’re interacting with a woman.  There needs to be some level of interest in you.  Which is why you need to have sexual market value.  However, even with high smv, some girls will like you and other won’t.

It’s there or it’s not.  Anyone learning how to be a player needs to realize this.  You can raise attraction or interest with your game, personality, and masculine energy.

If you accept this rule then playing the game will be a lot easier.  You won’t take it personally when a girl doesn’t like you, and you’ll start to focus on the ones who choose you.

Rule 2: Women only date up

woman rejecting man

Women only date / fuck guys that they see as better than themselves, or at the very least on par.  They don’t date lesser men.  Also known as hypergamy.  Sometimes this means fucking with richer guys, but not always.  Money is one form of value but it’s not the only thing.

A woman might cheat on her rich husband or boyfriend in order to fuck with a broke guy.  But that broke guy may be giving her good dick and act like he’s more important than her.  In this case, the woman sees the broke guy as more valuable.

The same can be true.  A different woman might value security and money more and will leave her broke boyfriend for a doctor or business man.  On the outside it may look different, but in the eyes of the woman she was going for the better option.

Adopting a player mentality will help you realize that women date up whenever they can.  Men tend to care more about looks, so we’ll fuck with the most beautiful girls we can get.  If you want to get the highest quality girls, then you have to make yourself a high quality man.

Rule 3: Eye contact is key

flirting, facing her, eye contact

If you grasp the important of eye contact then figuring out how to be a player will be a lot easier for you.  If you want to know how I became a player versus just another dude, it all started with seeing the signs a girl liked me.  That way I could approach girls who already were going to  feel me.  With the biggest sign being eye contact.

Eye contact is key. When a woman is choosing you, she’ll give you eye contact.  A more submissive woman will look at you for 2-3 seconds then look down, and a more dominant women will hold for longer.  I prefer submissive women but either way, when a girl likes you she’ll check you out.

Women like to look at men’s bodies, but the eyes are key.

Eye contact is important with dealing with people in general.  Besides the initial choosing, a woman who’s giving you eye contact shows her interest. Even a beginning player will be able to pick up on if the girl he’s getting drinks with wants to come back to fuck that night just by the way she’s looking at him.

Having a player mentality will mean that you apply this rule to life as well.  You can usually tell by someone’s eye contact if there’re interested in you and the conversation or if they’re bored.  The better your instincts get, the more you’ll be able to guess at the integrity of people just by their eyes.

Mastering eye contact will help you in business and build better friendships with people.

Rule 4: You’re a Man before you’re a Player

man up like the rock

Before you can really learn how to be a player you need to be a man.  Every true player needs to value his manhood.

If you’re not a man then your weakness will simply hold you back.  You won’t be able to stand up to the women you’re seeing, let alone get them on a schedule.  A player values that he’s a man before anything else.

Your masculine energy is going to be one of the things that allows you to become a player in the first place. Women will find you more attractive the more masculine and more of a man you are.  A man values his own goals and dreams over the pursuit of women.  It takes a man to master his time and not back down when push comes to shove.

Rule 5: Always have options

how to text a girl, man texting

Would a player be a player if he doesn’t have options?   No, he’d just be pretending.

A player always has options.  You need to have options if you want a real player mentality.  This means having more than one girl in your life and always looking to see if any can be added or subtracted.  If you’re afraid to be sleeping with / dating multiple women or if you feel bad… then learning how to be a player is a waste of your time.

You don’t need to be in a relationship and cheating.  I’m not advocating you guys cheat on your girlfriends or need to lie to girls.  But you don’t need to say everything easier.  You just tell girls you’re seeing other women or aren’t looking for a committed relationship right now.  Most women will still try to lock you down, but it sets expectations.

A man who’s a player simply has multiple women he’s fucking.  He’s a player because he’s playing the game.

Player mentality 

There’s no specific amount of women you have to be seeing.  If you’re applying the player mentality beyond just dating and are building your own business then you might only have time for 3 women you’re seeing at a time.

If you can manage seeing more than you could have 5 or even 8.  I think 4 or 5 consistent girls with a solid pipeline is already a lot to manage, especially if you’re applying your player mentality to your career by starting a business. Every player is different and you have to do what’s best for you.

While the player lifestyle is fun is can be a lot to handle.  Sometimes you won’t have the ability to pursue every pretty girl that wants to fuck with you.  But that’s a player’s problem.  Having options is a must.  If you have options, then this stuff comes naturally.  You won’t need to learn how to text like a player, or talk like one, because you’ll naturally text girls back slowly and be flirty with girls in person.

Rule 6: A Player needs to have his own place

have your own place

You need your own place, period.  This is where you can bring girls back to fuck and have fun.  Are you really going to have multiple girls come over a week when you’re living with your parents or your friends?  Maybe the latter, but it’s much better to have your own place.

Girls will be more comfortable fucking, not worrying about being quiet, and doing whatever freaky shit you’re into.  More importantly, every player needs his own space.  You need a master den where you can plan out your business, invite girls over, and temporarily escape from the world.

It’s hard to become a player when you don’t have a place to bring girls back home.

Rule 7: A Player needs to live in or by a city

central location in city

How can you study how to be a player, let alone actually become a player, if there are no girls?

Well, you can be a player in all areas of your life.  And the player mindset is more than just about getting women.  But right now I’m talking about how to be a player when it comes to having women in your life.

The answer is you can’t.  You can’t get women if there are no women.  That’s why you need to be in or near a city if you’re seriously going to learn how to be a player.  Bigger is often better, but logistics are important too.

A lot of being a player comes down to having good logistics.  The ideal logistics involve living in a city, especially near the downtown or most popular / trendy parts.  However, being close to a city or suburbs can still work, it’s just not as ideal.  I tip my hat to guys trying to be players in small ass towns.  That’s hard as shit and you’re going to see the women you’re fucking everywhere.

Half a million or more

500,000 people or more is recommend.  This way there’s ample amount of women.  If you’re in a bigger city then you’ll have more options on average, however every city is different in how its built.

Plus, the young, beautiful girls all flock to the city.

In the U.S., NYC, LA, Chicago, Miami, San Francisco, Boston, and Atlanta are all good cities to be a player in.  You may like some more than others depending on what city suits you.  I like San Francisco, even though most men hate it, because the it’s so condensed so logistics are easy.  The 55-65 degree weather round year is also amazing to me.

However, you may not like all the hills, the dirtiness, or terrible ratio’s of guys to girls and may opt for something else.  Or the fact that it’s expensive as fuck.  I also love San Diego, and I can do well in areas that still have bad ratio’s.  But if I was starting off in the game and wanted to become a player with less effort, moving to somewhere like NYC would be amazing for a young bachelor.

Whatever city you choose, can be one of those, another one or a totally different city in a different country all together is fine.  If you’re in Australia maybe it’s Sydney or Melbourne.  Maybe you’re in the Southeast Asia region, so you make Bangkok your home.

But you can’t figure out how to be a player if there are no girls to play in the middle of nowhere.

Recap on the Rules

  1. Women do the choosing
  2. Women only date up
  3. Eye contact is key
  4. You’re a man before you’re a player
  5. Always have options
  6. A Player needs to have his own place
  7. A Player needs to live in or by a city

You need to know these rules before you can learn how to be a player.  If you don’t have your own place or don’t live in or near a city, fix those asap.  The other rules can be mastered as you have a chance to dive into the game.  The logistics part is key though.  If you’re broke as fuck or don’t have the ability to meet those criteria then you need to address your situation.

That’s because the steps I’m going to show you so you can assess how to be a player and actually become one require those last two.

I have some great knowledge to give.  But it’s not magic.  A lot of it is common sense if you really break it down and think about it.

Nail down logistics first

So nail your logistics down first.  This doesn’t mean you have to afford a nice apartment in downtown manhattan right now.  Although that would be insanely great logistics.

What it does mean is you have to out yourself in a position to finally become a player.  Maybe you just live outside a city or you’re getting closer to one.  And you need to have your own place.

Yea, you can be a player with roommates or living with your parents.  But it’s really half-assing it.  And you’ll only be hurting your game.  Get your money right and get your own place if you don’t already have it.  With that said, let’s dive into the steps you need to take to learn how to be a player.

The 5 Steps to follow to become a Player

You’ve made it through the rules.  Write them down, put them in your phone, or do whatever you need to ingrain them in your brain.  Now it’s time to cover the actual 5 steps so you know how to be a player.  These are the 5 things that you do, in order, to attract women, meet them, sleep with them, and then get them addicted to you.

It’s crucial that you don’t skip the steps, otherwise it will make things hard or impossible for the following steps.

Step 1:  Raise your Sexual Market Value as high as possible

smv - looks, status, money

The first step is to raise your sexual market value as high as possible.  Naturally, some girls will like your look and feel and some won’t.  So if you’re an attractive guy, you may be an 8 to some women, but even a 9 or 10 to women who really like you.  You could be a 5 to girls who aren’t into you.

It’s less about the individual and more about making yourself as sexually valuable to the most amount of women. This way you’ll have more and more options.  This means maximizing every area that defines your sexual market value.

Women know if they want to sleep with you from the moment they see you.  You don’t really seduce women.  You increase your options and don’t fuck up the interaction.

Learning how to be a player involves making yourself more attractive to more women.  You do this by working on your purpose/career/money, your style, your body, and the confidence/swagger you have.

You can’t do much about your height or your natural facial looks.  But learning how to be a player means you get in where you fit in.  And all women like guys who have money/ambition, style, a good body, and confidence.  Across the board.  That’s why it’s important to raise every single area.

Purpose, career, and money

Working on your purpose, career, and money game will no doubt increase your sexual market value.  You should be working on it for more than just getting girls.

But, this is an article on how to be a player and it’s one of the most important things you can do.  Especially the older you get.

Good to note if you’re young

If you’re 18-22, then you don’t have to worry about this as much.  That being said, even guys who are 21/22 will benefit from increasing your money game.  Or at least appearing to do so.

Women at this age are looking to have fun and are pretty open about it.  However, they still like a guy with money. Now, they’ll expect the guys in their mid to late 20s and 30s to have money.  You can sell them on your potential and your dreams.  You don’t actually have to have any success.

But… if you are young and develop your purpose, you’re doing the best thing possible.  At this age, you have so much energy and passion.  You can translate your sexual drive into business success.  If you want to be one of the successful guys, then this is the age to get on your grind.

Older guys

As you get older, into your mid 20s, late 20s, and 30s, having your purpose/money down will help immensely.  It’s true that girls are still looking to have fun until 30, and even then some.  But the money will make your style game much easier, not to mention it’s a game changer.

If you’re a below average looking dude, the best thing you can do for yourself is get your money up.  This doesn’t mean spend it on women.  No, not what I’m saying at all.

However, having money, and showing off that you have money will greatly increase your options.  It’s not the warm fuzzy truth, but learning how to be a player means you deal with the cards you’ve been dealt.

Purpose / money will help you no matter what

Good looking guys won’t have to get money like the average or below average dudes will in order to have the most options.  But even if you’re good looking, your looks will fade at some point.

Having money will only make your better with women.  The way you get money is you develop your purpose and start a business.

Now, there are guys with money who suck with women.  But it’s not cause the money makes them worse, it’s cause they’re terrible and have no game whatsoever.  Having money isn’t the only thing, but it’s for sure a game changer.

And you don’t have to be a multi-milllionaire.  Making six figures, $100,000 or more, will put you above the average guy.  If you actually have a purpose in life, then not only will you build wealth, but you’ll have the ambition.  More on that later.


how to be a man - have style

The next thing you need to do to raise your sexual market value is develop your style.  By this I mean how you dress, your shoes, your haircut, and your overall appearance.  Girls love a guy in a well tailored suit.

I get tons of looks from girls when I’m in a blazer with pants or even nice jeans, paired with a nice watch and very nice pair of shoes.  Especially if you’re in your 20’s or 30’s and you’re dressed like this.  It’s not as common for younger guys and if you are then you’ll turn heads.

Now, every guy is different and your style won’t be the same exact as mine.  But there are some general fashion tips that will help.


You want colors that compliment your skin tone.  If you’re a white guy like me, darker colors look good generally speaking.  If you’re a darker guy then lighter colors in general look good.  You might be anywhere in between so you need to find what works best for you.


You want clothes that fit your body well, but aren’t too tight and aren’t too saggy.  If you’re wearing suits or blazers, make sure you get it customized by your local tailor.

Work clothes

For work clothes I usually wear a blazer, button up, nice jeans, nice shoes, and a nice watch.

blue blazer - player clothes

This is a blue blazer I wear for work and sometimes when I go out.  I get more looks from girls than pretty much anything else.  My picture quality isn’t great but it’s actually a great quality blazer.

I would wear more professional pants but I’m based on the west Coast and it’s usually too much.  If I was in NYC or Chicago then that would be a different story.


For casual clothes, I usually wear a v-neck, or button down.  V-necks are great because they are relaxed, but fashionable and can show off your body if you have some muscle.

Blue v-neck, although it kinda looks black in these pictures.

how to be a player - wear v-necks

I’m a lean guy with a muscular shape, but I’m no Arnold.  But v-necks are great for my body type and are good for any guy who’s relatively lean and has some muscle.  And if you’re actually a buff guy then v-necks will help to really show that off.  If you’re lean with a little bit f muscle like me, they’ll make you look more muscular than you really are.

The button downs can be long or short, and are more trendy /cool than what I would wear if I’m seeing clients.

Nice shirt and Watch

jared lang shirt

The shirt above is Jared Lang.

Designer, so more expensive than regular shirts but less than super expensive brands.  This shirt is anywhere from $100-150 but I got it on Nordstrom’s during a sale for $80 or so.  Worth the price in my opinion.  The sleeves can be unrolled to be more conservative.  When the work day is done I can unroll them and go to salsa, on a date, etc.

You can get decent long sleeve shirts at Macy’s for $15 if you’re on a budget.  But once you have some extra cash, investing in nice clothes is definitely worth it for any guy trying to learn how to be a player.


Allen edmonds have professional shoes that are expensive but will last you forever.

how to be a player - shoes

I use these for work, for going out to nice places, and in general just to look good.  If you want more edgy shoes for causal wear, then Creative recreation is a cool brand.  And you also can’t go wrong with a pair of nike or adidas shoes.

If you really don’t have much money, or need something for super causal settings, go for a pair of converse.

Professional and slick, but with an edge

Learning how to be a player means you have to learn how to dress like one.  You want to dress like you’re a young stud who’s also a boss.  Professional and slick but you have an edge to you.

You want to look like you have money, but at the same time you’re not a beta bucks bitch.  This is a player mindset, which you’re adapting to your overall look and style.

It’s like you’re a bad boy who is dressing well and who is out to accomplish shit.  Your style might not be the same as mine and that’s fine.  But the above mentality I laid out is what you need.  Apply the “professional and slick, but with an edge” to what suits your body and preferences best and you’ll be good to go.  But you can also just copy my example and have a killer style from the get go.


Having a better body will increase your sexual market value no matter what.  Guys always ask about fat guys that get girls and how they do that.

  • Those guys are the exceptions for whatever reason.
  • Usually because they have a really good personality – meaning they’re funny.
  • Or some other type of charisma.
  • But if they lost weight and had visible muscle, they would do even better.

Since you’re here to learn how to be a player you need to get your body right. You’re not some super charismatic chubby dude. And if you somehow are, you’d kill it even more if you got in shape.

I’m a lean, skinner guy naturally.  So I workout for size and eat well to keep my leanness.

You might be blessed genetically and don’t have to do that much.  But chances are you’re going to need to lift weights and eat healthy.  If you’re a naturally bigger guy then you don’t have to kill yourself for a six pack.  Instead, build up your muscle and get rid of your belly of it’s there.

Look good

It’s about having a muscular appearance and looking good.  Of course, you want to have as much muscle and be as lean as possible.  This will make things much easier down the line for situations like if you ever have to sext girls to get them excited.

But you don’t need to overdue it.  Lift weights a few times a week, and so cardio a few times a week.  I almost get the same results  looks wise from lifting 2-3 times a week versus when I used to lift 6 times a week.  The minimal extra results you’ll get aren’t worth it unless you’re in the fitness industry.

However, that’s not an excuse to neglect body.  Figuring out how to be a player means getting in shape.  You want to out yourself in the best position to play the game.

There’s also a ton of benefits to lifting weights besides just increasing your sexual market value.

Confidence and Swagger

how to be confident - james bond

Lastly, your confidence and swagger factor in to your sex appeal and your progress on how to be a player.

It’s more difficult to say just do this or do that.  Some guys have natural confidence and swagger, and most guys don’t.  However, there’s a few things you can do.

One is improving yourself in the other three areas.

  • If you have a purpose and get more money, have style, and get a better body, your confidence will increase.
  • It’s hard not to feel better when you gain muscle.
  • It’s hard not to feel more attractive when you have a fresh haircut and are in a custom suit.
  • And it’s really hard not to think you’re the man when you’re making more money.

Confidence doesn’t come from nothing for most men.  You need to achieve some level of success, then you’ll have the belief you can achieve even more.  Confidence is your belief in your abilities.

So the better you get in these three areas, and the more women you get with, the higher your confidence will become. Confidence is important because if you believe in your abilities to do something, you’ll preform better.  But you can also learn how to build your confidence here.  Your swagger, or aura, is the way you carry yourself, in a cool, calm, yet powerful way.  Some guys just have this and others don’t.

Swagger / Aura Development

A few tips to develop more swagger

  • speak slower; not slow as fuck, but don’t be so eager to get a word in, be cool
  • have the player mindset, don’t worry about small shit
  • be authentic
  • don’t try to impress people
  • have style

If you do these things and you can’t develop swagger then don’t worry about it.  You can still be confident and learn how to be a player without having swagger.  But it will add more presence to you in a way that’s hard to describe.  It comes down to being authentic and being cool.

Step 2:  Build your pipeline of women

how to be a player - build a pipeline

Becoming a player, a ladies man, means you need to have a pipeline of women.  You can’t be worrying about how to get your ex back or be talking to one girl.  The player mentality won’t allow that to enter your mind.  Instead, you need to be talking to tons of women that can potentially be added to your life.

This means you have multiple women you’re talking to consider for your team.  Learning how to be a player involves developing a team of girls and seeing them.  This team of girls don’t actually work together as a team.

It’s just the main girls you see consistently

You see them individually and ideally don’t tell them about the other girls you’re seeing.  There are two ways to go about it.

  1. Be honest and say you’re seeing other people, but don’t go into any more detail.
  2. Or you can just lie.

Players do both, but it’s much easier just to be authentic and say you’re seeing other people and she’s free to do so as well.

I tell them “I date when I can, but I’m usually too focused on my business to take my dating life seriously. Ideally, I’d like to find the right girl for me.  Someone I can vibe with, have a connection with, and someone I could grow with.”

This is the truth to a degree.  I want this after all.  But I really am too focused on my purpose, and she’ll likely be just another woman I have some fun with.  That being said, I’ve had experiences with women who I connect with well that stand out among the crowd.

The team

Back to the team – If you’re going to have a team, then you need a pipeline of candidates that can potentially join your team.

You can’t only be fucking one girl and still be a player.  Well, if you’re just figuring out how to be a player then it’s not a bad start.  But you can’t continue with just that.  You need to always be building your pipeline.  Just likes in sales.

And you do that through meetings girls.

Ways to build your pipeline

There are tons of ways to build your pipeline, aka meet girls who you can fuck and then see if they’re a good fit for your team.  Online dating apps, nightlife, and meeting girls during the day are your main options.

Online dating 

Since everyone spends all their time on their phones, online dating makes things really easy. You can be building your pipeline when you have a few minutes during the day or 30 minutes every evening.  If you’re not using dating apps then you’re missing out on an easy way to meet women.

Learning how to be a player means you’re trying to leverage the best avenues as possible to meet women.  There’s a lot of apps you can use.  Online dating apps

  • Tinder
  • OkCupid
  • Other apps


tinder matches phone

Tinder is one of the best ways to meet women, at least if you’re in the United States.  I would guess in other parts of the western world as well.  In fact, it’s probably the best way to meet the most amount of women.  You can meet quality women, average, and low quality on here.  However quantity is the real reason you’re on here.

You should still be able to meet girls in real life.  But using Tinder is a great way to get your hands dirty into diving into how to be a player and start interacting with a lot of women.

How to use Tinder to meet and fuck women

So step one is to download the app, no shit.  Then you’ll want to upload pictures.  Selecting your pictures is the most important part of Tinder by far.  Pictures are usually the most important part with most dating apps.  But Tinder especially.

Your description can give girls who like you a reason to hit you up.

The key though is the pictures.  The pictures, the pictures, and don’t forget the pictures.  Too many guys fuck up by not putting up pictures that work.

Pictures are key

Ideally you want a friend with a good camera or amateur photographer taking this fr you.

  • Not looking directly at the camera, not smiling, and dressed well.
  • Pics like this will do way better than smiling or even facing the camera.
  • Pictures of you doing things.  Dancing, martial arts, traveling (NYC or California in background, Paris, famous landmarks, etc.)

I don’t know all of the reasoning being it but I know it works.  Maybe because I look determined, alpha, and women feel like I’m not looking directly at them.

Online dating in general

Tinder isn’t as great as it was back in 2014 or 2015.  But it’s still by far the best dating app due to the sheer number of real girls on it.  You can use other dating apps like okcupid and bumble with a somewhat similar strategy.  Use the highest quality photos you can find, and keep conversations short.

Your goal is to meet up with the girl at a place close to your apartment.

You shouldn’t also overthink texting girls.  I have a guide right here on how to do that.  But in general, if you want to know how do players text girls from dating sites, imagine how james bond would text a girl.  He’d be short, to the point, and maybe a bit flirty.  If you have really good pictures, you can use this style of game.

The great thing about online dating is you can spend a few minutes a day swiping / messaging and setting up dates.  It’s a lot less work than going out and can give you a full pipeline of girls to fuck.  But it’s not the end all, be all.  Meeting girls in real life is still the best way to learn how to be a player.


nightlife club, being in the market

The three main ways I’ve met girls during the night are at

  • Nightclubs
  • Salsa Clubs
  • Bars


When I first started learning how to be a player, nightclubs were my bread and butter.  They’re not the best place in the world to meet women, but they can be good if you can become the life of the party. The biggest factor is which nightclub you go to.

Ideally you want to go to one with decent ratios and good music.  Unfortunately, a lot of night clubs are sausage fests.  The key to success is to get girls to come up to you.  If you get rejected in a nightclub and the other girls see, this will hurt your chances with the other girls.

Instead, you want to become the life of the party and just have fun.


If you learn how to dance, then you’ll be able to do this easily.    Dance by yourself if you can actually dance.  I’ll use some of my salsa dancing at regular nightclubs to get girls to want to dance with me.

Then all of the other girls see me in the club dancing salsa with whatever girl I’m with and I become the prize.  Especially when all the guys are just standing there not doing shit and the few guys who are dancing just have a girl grinding on them.

If you don’t have the energy or willpower to become life of the party then it’s best to avoid nightclubs. Going in there to buy drinks and stand in the corner won’t get you any women.

But on your path of how to be a player, dominating the nightclub can be a great way to meet a ton of women.  Most guys at clubs are lame as fuck or too wasted.  Be the fun / cool / dancer guy and you’ll slay it at nightclubs.

You’ll find that a lot of success in nightlife depends on your ability to dance… so you should learn how to do it asap.

Salsa clubs

salsa nightlife

This is my favorite way to meet girls when it comes to nightlife, and even in general.  I can actually dance salsa okay.  Maybe I’m intermediate at best.

But it’s more than enough to meet plenty of girls.  Most girls will say yes to you asking them to dance. If they don’t, you don’t look as bad as compared to a regular nightclub because everyone is going there to do salsa with other people.

If you can’t dance, I recommend learning.  It’s one of the best ways to surround yourself with beautiful women.  You’ll also become a better leader.

In salsa and other partner dances, the man must lead the women.  By default, most women you’ll meet at salsa clubs are submissive / followers.  And it’s the best way the average guy can get hotter women, without getting money or status.  Go salsa clubs in your city, dance with cute girls, get their numbers, and set up dates.

A lot of clubs will have lessons earlier in the evening.  This is a great way to get started and even meet girls.


I usually just tend to meet girls at bars that I met fro  tinder or from a salsa/nightclub.

So I’m not the bar expert.  For me, it’s the place where I advance the girl through the pipeline and warm her up to coming back home with me.  But I’ve met girls bars on occasion.

And every time it was when I was alone, and the girls either came up to me, or eye fucked me so I approached them.  I’d recommend going to bigger bars and doing it alone or in a small group.  This will help you to stand out more, and will give girls a chance to check you out.

Bars vs nightclubs

Especially if you’re by yourself in a bar, a lot of people will just come talk to you.

In nightclubs, this only happens to me if I’m dancing and a girl is interested.  But at bars, when I’ve been there waiting for friends or a date, other people will initiate conversation with you.  Especially single girls.  At least if you’re a good looking guy.  If you’re on the uglier r average side, you might have to actually do some approaches or just do a totally different bar method.

Again, meeting girls at bars isn’t what I’m at expert in.  However, a lot of you guys don’t like nightclubs or aren’t willing to learn how to dance, so it may be a better option for you.

During the day

Like bars, I’m not a “day gamer”, meaning I don’t go out of my way to try and meet women during the day.  Part of learning how to be a player means acting a player and not always being thirsty for women.  I’ve still met women at coffee shops, the library, and the grocery store before.

But it’s usually when a girl is checking me out or I say something witty to her and we strike up a conversation.  The reason I mention day game is it may be a good option for you if you aren’t getting many women choosing you when you’re at clubs or on tinder.

If you live in a big city like NYC then day game can be a good way to build your pipeline.  You can make up some reason for approaching women.  Like you’re lost, or some stupid pick up line.

Be direct 

how to approach a girl

Or just be a man, introduce yourself, and see if they want to get a drink later.

If I did day game, that’s how I would do it.  I would go to a park, mall, or somewhere with pretty girls, and go up and try to chat them up.  It’s a number game, so you’re probably going to face a lot of rejection.

I personally like to use my day time to work on building my wealth through my business and working out.  But if day game is more appealing to you than tinder or learning how to dance, then go for it.

Game changers – Money or expertise/status

If you’re an average or above average looking guy, you can use online dating and nightlife to get girls.

Even below average dudes who have natural confidence or swagger can as well.  But there are some guys who are just unattractive and who have low confidence, and can’t rise up.  The game isn’t fair.  However, all hope is not lost.  Can a guy who’s a 4 get a girl who’s an 8.

Generally not.  There’s one game changer though.


money over sex

Money is not just an equalizer, it’s a game changer.  You can be ugly, but if you’re rich then you can get girls.

If you’re fucking around with escorts or real gold diggers, then you’ll have to straight up pay them to fuck.  And there are rich guys who pay 1000 or 2000 to fuck the hottest girls in any given city.

I don’t do that, I’d rather hold onto my money.  If you’re an ugly guy or a guy who pays for sex then I have no hate for you.  But I’m here to teach you how to be a player.

Gold digger instinct

Every girl has a gold digger instinct to a degree, some much less than others.  It’s really just an instinct to survive at the highest level.  Gold diggers want to allocate resources with disregard to the person they’re getting it from.

Most women aren’t complete gold diggers, but having a man who can support them is a big deal.  If you’re an ugly guy, then getting rich can be the game changer for you.

You don’t need to be a billionaire or a heavy millionaire, but a few million will do.  Or even having a net worth of a few 100k, but leveraging it well.  You want to show off your wealth as well.

That means buying a very nice car, dressing very nice, etc.  I generally go against buying nice cars and houses.  But that’s when I’m talking about avoiding debt.

If you can buy those things in cash then go for it.  You’re here to learn how to be a player, not get someone who is dating you because you’re a good person.

It’s the sad truth that uglier guys aren’t going to get as much play as attractive guys like myself.  I don’t say that to be mean, cruel, or cocky.  It’s a sad fact.

Start your own business 

Nonetheless, if you start your own business and build wealth, then you too can still be a player.  It’s not very easy accumulating wealth and it will take a number of years, but it’s really the only way to compete if you’re really below average or have nothing going for you.

Most pick up artists will tell you any man, no matter how old, ugly, or unattractive can get the hottest women.  They’re wrong.  Unless you get rich, that is.

If you’re an average looking dude, and you’re just shy or have some social problems, then you don’t have to get rich to get women.  Of course that will always help.  But I can still teach you how to be a player.

You have to be willing to build up a pipeline of girls at your level, meaning you’re not going to be fucking 9s and 10s.

Becoming an expert at something – yoga, salsa teacher, boxing instructor, etc.

instructor teaching snowboarding

Another game changer is to become an expert at something. This won’t be to the same effect as getting rich, but it’s a more practical route to help even the playing field.

Becoming an expert, especially one where you’re an authority teacher and have access to women, can help to even the playing field.  Now, if you’re a decent looking guy or even an attractive guy then you won’t even have to learn how to be a player. Doing this will get you tons of women and will probably make you feel like you’re a natural.

Even for uglier guys, if you get in decent shape and become an expert teacher, you can get women. You’ll still have to follow these steps and learn how to be a player, but this will help get you access to more women.

So the key is here is to pick something that you can become an expert in, or at least proficient enough to teach, within a 2-5 years.  The two that come to mind to me are salsa, yoga, and any kind of group training class like cardio kickboxing.

Final Thoughts on building a pipeline

Tinder and Salsa clubs are the best to build pipeline.  Becoming an expert is great, but can fuck up your business if you bone too many chicks from your work.  So ideally, becoming an expert/instructor is a side job or passion if you’re gong to use to as a way to fuck women.

Step 3:  Sleep with women from your pipeline

good sex

A good question upcoming players seem to ask is how many women should they see at a time?  Or better stated, how many girls should I have on my team?

How many on your team?

There’s no perfect answer.  I’d day having a consistent team of 3 to 4 girls, while always having a full pipeline is way to go.  This will ensure you have consistent sex, yet you’re not overdoing it and still have time to build your business.

I’m a player in all areas of my life, including my finances.

You’ll also still have new girls who can replace any of the existing members on your team when one of them acts up or is burnt out.  I’ve had periods where I was seeing 6 to 8 girls consistently, on top of new girls.  While it was fun, it gets old and it was taking away from my business success.  It’s also a lot to manage.  Having 3-4 girls is more doable, and even that’s still a lot.  But one is too close to none.

You have to have multiple girls but have a team you can manage effectively while still maintaining your purpose/money, your body/health, and any friendships or family relationships.

Sleeping with women from your pipeline

I had to preface this section with the team question because it will be important for you to consider once you start sleeping with women from your pipeline.

So you’ve built your pipeline from meeting girls on tinder, out in nightlife, and so on.  It’s time to start sleeping with them. If you’ve had any fucks from first meet ups then that’s great.  That means you probably have a good sense of the girls that are more into you, the women who’re choosing you.

You want to continue to sleep with those girls and bring in new girls as well.

First Date

first date tips, date a girl with high interest

Ideally, it’s best to fuck her on the first date.  I tend to sleep with a new girl on the first meet up.  Probably 60-70% come from the first date.

Some of that comes from practice, meeting up with high interest girls, and a lot of of it comes down to killer logistics.  I mentioned earlier how important logistics are if you’re serious about learning how to be a player.  A lot of it comes down to practice, the more new girls you meet the easier it will to sleep with them.

And the biggest factor is how much the woman likes you.  If you’re with a girl who is giving you strong choosing signals, meaning she shows high interest, then it’s very likely she’ll be down to fuck in a shorter amount of time.

When you’re figuring out how to be a player, you’ll develop an instinct to sense when girls like you and when girls really, really like you.  Growing this instinct will make your pursuits as a player much easier and much more fun.

3 Date Rule

A big part of learning how to be a player is getting rid of time wasters.

That’s why having a 3 date rule will help to keep you on track.  This means that if she doesn’t fuck by the 3rd meet up, then you cut her off.  The majority of girls who are interested will fuck on the first date.  However, there are some will want to insist on waiting until the second meet up or maybe logistically it didn’t work out the first time.

If she doesn’t fuck by the third time you meet then you need to cut her off and forget about it.  She’s just wasting your time at that point.

First date

  • Meet up for coffee/drinks at a place salable to your place.  Or invite her over directly if there’s high interest.

(if she’s fucked, then ignore the rest and go to section 4)

Second date 

  • Invite her over directly to your place to make drinks and watch a movie.

Third date

  • If she hasn’t fucked at this point, you can invite her over directly again, no need to have an excuse.  She’s either down or not.

Step 4: Get those women on a rotation, aka a schedule

become a player - get her on a schedule

A player’s mentality will drive you to be productive as fuck and efficient with your time.  This applies to all areas of your life, including women.  You need to get women to come visit your apartment on your schedule.

Getting laid and finding girls that are dtf (down to fuck) are just two beginning steps when learning how to be a player. But learning how to be a player goes way beyond just getting laid one time.

A player needs to have his women on a schedule

elon musk - schedule of a winner

You can’t be efficient with your time if you’re seeing women at random times, on random days.  Elon Musk may not be in the player game, but in the game of life he has his schedule down.  Learn a think or two from him and how efficient he is.  After all, you are growing your business or working on starting one while you have a full time job.  And being a player in itself can feel like another job.

Basic rules for scheduling

  1. Never see a girl more than once a week
  2. Have a set day / evening to see specific girls
  3. Have a set day or days where you meet up with new girls

Never see a girl more than once a week

Seeing a girl more than once a week is bad for you and her.

It will give her the impression that you want a relationship.  And she’ll burnout much more quickly.  A girl burns out when she doesn’t want to keep having sex without a relationship.

Some girls will never burn out, meaning they’re cool with being fuck buddies for pretty much forever. And by that I mean a few years.  However, the majority of girls will demand a relationship at some point, and in fact will probably start dating someone else who will commit to them.

The point here is that seeing a girl once a week at most will give you consistent sex from her and help her to last longer on the team.

Have a set day / evening to see specific girls

When I’m teaching you how to be a player, you’ll realize it’s like a business.  In business you set meetings and have a schedule that organizes your day.

You should do the same thing with your girls.  They’re like your employees, and you have 1 on 1 meetings with them during the week.  This is where you invite her over to fuck.

It’s best to have a specific day / evening to see each girl.  For example, let’s say you just fucked this girl named Sally for the first time.  She was cute, the sex was good, and you both want to continue to see each other again.  Invite her over to meet up at your place the following week, Wednesday night at 9pm, or whenever you’d like.  Then after she comes over, say you’d like to have her over again, same time next week.

This way you’re training her to come over on your schedule.  Continue to see her every week or so at this time.

Keep her on her toes

Switch things up once in a while.

After seeing her for 3 weeks, cancel the 4th week.  Then continue to see her the week after like normal. Learning how to be a player means you also need to keep the girls chasing your validation.  You have to give her a little bit of doubt, like an emotional rollercoaster… I’ll talk about this more later.

Have a set day or days where you meet up with new girls

getting laid on first date, coming home

Remember, you’re still a player.  Which means you need to have new girls as bench warmers for your team.  Many of the girls you will be seeing will eventually burn out.  In fact, some girls, especially less promiscuous ones, will burn out quickly within a few months.

Dedicating time to meet new girls is key for any guy learning how to be a player.  Assume that most of the girls you’re seeing will burn out and find a boyfriend after players like yourself dick them down with no commitment.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights are usually the best nights to leave open to go out and meet new girls or meet up with girls from tinder/online dating.  It’s the end of the week for working people and for college students.  So whether you’re dating professional women or college students, they’re all looking to go out and have fun at the end of the week.

I don’t recommend living for the weekend yourself.

It’s much better to love what you do and be doing that everyday.  However, that doesn’t change the fact that most people live for the weekend.  Take advantage of this by going out on these nights.

The days I meet new girls

When I was more heavy on my player shit, I’d meet a girl Thursday evening, and go out Friday.

  • Saturday I stay in to do work in the morning, then go out with my friends, see family, go in nature, or have a date.  This way I have a solid, set schedule for Thursday and Friday, and have some flexibility on Saturday.
  • Thursday night I’d keep low key by meeting  girl for a drink or just have her come back to my place.
  • Friday is more fun and intense, as I’ll go out dancing (salsa) or go clubbing with my friends.

Saturdays I work during the day just like Thursday and Friday, but I’ll give myself flexibility to meet up with new girls from 2-5pm.  If I meet up with them, then I usually won’t go out that night and instead will work on my business even more.

The thing about becoming a player is that you still are on your grind when it comes to work.  I love what I do in providing value to you guys.  It’s not just my job 5 days of the week.  It’s 7 days a week, every day of the year.  You have to work more if you want to achieve great things.

You can copy my schedule or alter it depending on what works for you.

Mastering time management is key in your life, not just in figuring out how to be a player, but also in your development as a man.

How many girls to have on a team?

Dating multiple women

Before we talk about getting the women addicted to you, it’s important to talk about your team.

When you’re first learning how to be a player, it may be tempting to try and get 6+ women on your team.  This means you’re fucking over 6 different women consistently, in addition to new women.

I’ve done this before, and it’s usually just too much for me.

When I wasn’t as serious about my business it was fun for a while.  But seeing that many girls usually means you’re seeing two girls on the same day a few times a week.  This can be exhausting if you work full time or have your own business.

3-4, with more ready to join

Having 3 to 4 women on my team is what works best for me.  This means I’m usually seeing the regulars Sunday-Wednesday for an hour or two in the evening.

It’s a reward for myself for the end of a day’s hard work.  Then I have the other days Thurs-Saturday for new women.

Combined with the fact I’ll cancel on one of the team members during the week, I’m still seeing women 6 times a week.  This is the schedule of a full time player.  Even only seeing 3-4 girls, combined with new girls, it adds up to a lot of women.

After doing this for a while, there will be times when you tone it down even from here, especially as you focus on other areas of your life.  But that’s part of the experience you’ll gain when you start having success with women and assess how to be a player in real life by effectively using your time.

Step 5: Get the women completely addicted to you

speaking to her soul - becoming a sex god

Getting a women completely addicted to you takes a higher level of game than just researching how to be a player.  It deserves an in-depth article and also real life experience.

You need

  1. conversation game
  2. leadership
  3. sex game
  4. ability to speak to her soul

This involves using your actual energy to get her addicted to you.  This is a combination of getting in her head during sex, but also outside of sex.  And it’s not just saying things to her, but also having energy behind the words.

You need to have emotional intelligence and abilities to use your sensitive side and dominant presence simultaneously.

Conversation game

being cool on date

When you’re figuring out how to be a player, you should realize early on how important conversation is.  Women love to talk.  If you get them to talk a lot, you’re off to a good start.

A player takes things further.  He gets the women to talk about her fears, failures, childhood, dreams, motivations, hatred, and every kind of powerful emotion she feels.

Because a player knows that getting a woman completely addicted to you starts with the brain. The more she tells you, the more she feels connected to you.  And… the more you actually know about her.

Beginner player conversation game

Before I fuck a girl, my conversation game is flirty, cool, witty, and generally short. I don’t say that much.  I make witty jokes and comments.  In short, I get her to talk, but don’t say too much directly about myself.  At least not when I first meet a girl.  Keep it light, get her to talk, and learn how to flirt with her.

Advanced level conversation game and Leadership

However, after we start fucking, I start to add things in.  This is where you can really become a player.  I mix conversation with leadership. Leading her mind in different directions, and really getting deep into her head.

Two powerful things you can do is make her think about you sexually and intimately, and get her thinking about doing things for you.  You can also make her upset, angry, happy, or jealous, which are very powerful tools.  However, I won’t get into that in this article.

Sex and intimacy related

I say things to get her thinking about me. After sleeping with her a few times and blowing her mind, I might send her a text saying

“___, it was incredible seeing you last week. The way you moaned when I was deep inside of you has been making me excited all day long. And how soft your skin under my hard body was the touch I needed after such a long week. I can smell your scent in my sheets. I can’t wait to have you in my bed again”

Appealing to her talents

After seeing a girl for a while, you should have an idea what she’s good at. Use that to get her to do something for you, and she’ll love you forever.

She might be really good at cooking a certain style of dish, a dessert, whatever. You can usually find something with most women. I find out with this is early on. Then, after seeing her for a while, I’ll ask her to make it for me.

“____, the way you described that apple pie you made with your mom sounds delicious, Make it next week and bring it over so I can try it for myself.”


slow sex to make her cum hard

The deep conversation game, and overall getting her addicted to you, requires that you have mind blowing sex.

As a player, or a man learning how to be a player, your sex game needs to be on point.  If you want a woman to be completely in love with you, then you need to be the best she’s ever had.


At the minimum, you must make her cum a few times the first time you fuck. If you have any problems with premature ejaculation, then read my article on how to handle that shit.

But besides just being able to last as long as you want, you have to actually make her cum.  There’s too much to write on this, I’ll need a whole book.

But in short, focus on foreplay. You should make her cum at least once or twice with your fingers by rubbing her clit before you even stick your dick in.  Then once you do fuck her, make sure to keep rubbing her clit. Do this while you’re angling your dick up towards her g-spot while in missionary.

There will be much more in the whole guide on how to have mind blowing sex. But the key is to make her cum as much as you can.  Whatever you do – don’t ask her if she cums during or after sex. You sound weak doing this and ruin any success you had.

Speak to her soul

When you can speak to her soul, you have her totally addicted to you.  It’s a combination of fucking the shit out of her consistently, leading her, and getting deep inside of her head.

This is further down your path on how to be a player.  Time is needed to get to this point.  Worry about getting laid first. Then keeping the girls around with great sex.  Start to lead them.  After you do all of this, you can start to work on getting deeper inside of their head.

Getting a woman completely addicted to you feels amazing.  Your ego will be inflated and you’ll feel like god. Because you’ll be that powerful in her eyes.

But it’s also a dangerous thing to do. It will cause more drama in your life and you’ll have to deal with a lot of pissed off women.  However, on a smaller scale, it’s still fun to get her into you. It’s fun for her too. Women love falling for a player.  And when you grow your skills and learn more about how females work, you’ll be able to speak to their souls. This comes with experience and practice. Work on the basics, and this will come in time.

Rinse and Repeat, get higher quality women

increase your notch count

One is too close to none.  Now that you’ve gotten women on your team, it’s time to repeat the cycle. A quick recap…

  1. Continue to raise your sexual market value:

  • Grow your business and make more money.
  • Get in even better shape
  • Become good at something cool – like salsa, boxing, yoga
  • Up your style – get some designer shirts, nice shoes, etc.
  • Show off your confidence
  1. Always be building your pipeline of new women to add to the team

Don’t stop going out or using tinder.  Your purpose should be your #1 thing in your life.  But continue to do these things on the side.

  1. Sleep with new women from your pipeline

Straightforward as before. Sleep with the new girls from your team.

  1. Add them to the team

And replace old ones.  Most women have a shelf life.  Some will stay on your team a few months, some even a few years.  But 3 to 6 months is average.  Most women will get sick of you not committing to them.   So you have to be ready for them to burnout.  And of course if you find a woman that you want to have a relationship,  you’ll be default be out  of the player game.  Of course you still have the player mentality in a relationship.  You don’t cheat on your woman, but I mean you look at the relationship as still part of dating.  Whether you’re a literal player or  you have a girlfriend, you’re still a player in the dating game in a sense.  If you keep this attitude, you can keep your relationships alive and exciting.

  1. Get the women completely addicted to you

The women on your team should be addicted to you. Now, be careful with choosing how addicted you get them to be. There will be consequences for having too many women completely addicted to you. But get all of them to be at least infatuated with you. And choose the ones to make completely obsessed with you by speaking to their soul.

And repeat

The last step is to repeat the cycle.  Have new girls coming in while replacing old ones as needed.

A player always keeps his options open.  He always has new girls coming into the picture.  The more options you have, the less desperate you are, and the more powerful you become.  Learning how to be a player comes down to increasing your options and having choice.

The reason why money is so important in life is because money equals access to resources.  More money means more options in life.  And just like with money, with more women available to you, the more options you’ll have, and the better of a player you’ll become.

Affirmations for the Player mindset

the player mindset

Positive affirmations will put your mind in the right place and will help you to actually believe you’re a player.  Not just learning ho to be a player, but hypnotizing yourself that you actually are one.

Obviously, you need action behind this.  And you also need to try and feel these.  Imagine you’re a successful player when you’re saying these positive affirmations.  Do these everyday for the next 60 days to really change your mindset.

The Affirmations to become a player

  • I am a player
  • I attract tons of gorgeous women
  • There are too many attractive women in the world for me to every date or sleep with
  • I love having an abundance of women in my life
  • I’m a blessing to every woman who gets to be with me
  • I love flirting with beautiful women who are attracted to me
  • I am surrounded by opportunities to play the game
  • I’m a motherfucking stud
  • I am always ready to play the game
  • I’m great at sex and love having fun in the bedroom with women
  • I love having connections with fun women
  • I’m a ladies man
  • I am grateful for being such a player in the game and having plenty of women in my life

Become the player you’re meant to be

don draper laughing - agree and amplify

You have all the tools to become a player.

There are the basic rules to the dating game.  And there are the 5 steps you must take to play in the game.  Whether you decide to sleep with 20 girls, 50, or over 100, how long you stay in the game is up to you.  It’s not always about getting a huge number.  A player keeps women around and uses them to enhance his life.

You can be a player for life or decide to settle down later on.  The fun you’ll have and the experiences you’ll gain will help you in other aspects in your life.  Make sure to balance being a player with women and being a player in the game of life.  Applying the player mentality to life will make you  think about building your wealth, starting a business, and running your life like a business.

If you’re not at that point right now that’s fine.  Most of you serious about your development as a man will be in a matter of time.  Learn how to be a player and develop the player mindset.  Have fun on your path to become a player, and create the dating life that fits your lifestyle.


how to be a player, player

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EJ Aston
EJ Aston
3 years ago

Good stuff

3 years ago

Women read this shit too

Reply to  Jennie
2 years ago

What are your thoughts then?

Andrew Moss
Andrew Moss
2 years ago

One thing there is no doubt about pal…..you can talk

2 years ago

Hi dude, I’m in a situation right now. My girlfriend (now ex..?) stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2 weeks after I hung up on her because she mentioned that she’ll go out to have her photographs taken by a guy I don’t like (guy calls her shit like dear and she wouldn’t show me their messages) before we even go out and meet. I assumed it was over so I just went and talked to other girls online, I have a date coming up next week but the problem is my girlfriend called me yesterday crying, asking… Read more »

2 years ago

Been a sucker for girls all my life. I’m tired of being the “good guy” they come to just because I’m a safe bet after they’ve been dumped by another dude. Hope this guide helps me change. Thanks for all the tips man, I’ll be reading them during this lame ass quarantine. Stay safe!

1 year ago

Thanks man

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