September 6

How to be Confident in Yourself and Build Self Esteem

How to be Confident in Yourself and Build Self Esteem

How to be Confident in Yourself and Build Self Esteem
How to be Confident in Yourself and Build Self Esteem

It’s not that hard to learn how to be confident.  Yet so many men wish they could just be more confident men.  But the thing is, no man is just born confident.  You become confident when you achieve success or the desired outcome in a situation.

Confidence can be situational at first.  Then it becomes apart of you.

What confidence is 

Confidence is your belief in your ability to do something.

You can’t be confident at every single thing in life.  That would take getting good at everything and having a high level of competence at it.

Type 1 Confidence – Competence

Competence is when you have a level of skill in a certain area.  If you gain competence in a certain area, like dancing, then this will breed confidence because you know you can do it.  You’ve taken the time to learn it.  Competence breeds Type 1 Confidence.  Type 2 Confidence comes from your ability to learn and adapt.  Let’s say you learn how to dance, you learn how to code, and you learn how to drive a car.  You’ve gotten competent in a few different areas.

Type 2 Confidence –  Ability to Adapt and Learn

Know you have Type 2 Confidence, because you know you can adapt to new challenges.

Learning how to be confident is even more fun when you rise up to Type 3 Confidence.  This is when you value + respect yourself as a a human being.  You have love for yourself and don’t look for external validation.  You don’t hate others, but you also place no real value in their opinions.

Type 3 Confidence – Self Esteem / Intrinsic Value

Type 3 Confidence can also be referred to as high self esteem or intrinsic value.  For example, if you have Type 3 Confidence, you may never have danced before and you may suck at it.  You can recognize your lack of skill yet be totally okay with it and enjoy doing it.  Even if others think you look dumb, you don’t care about their opinions.  People with high self esteem already have love for themselves and therefore vibrate at a much higher rate

To learn how to be confident in life as a man, we’re going to focus mainly on Type 1 Confidence.  This is because this is the easiest to build and most applicable to your life.  When you focus on how to be more confident in yourself in the main areas of your life, you’re going to develop more self esteem.

Essentially, by becoming competent in these 3 areas, you’ll have Type 1 Confidence in multiple areas which will therefore bring about Type 2 Confidence.  And more  likely than not, most people develop self esteem and intrinsic value when they have these 3 major areas of their life covered.

Can I learn how to build self esteem without gaining competence in certain areas?

It’s still important to learn how to gain confidence and self esteem outside of these areas, because they can change throughout life.

Most men learn how to be confident in life by becoming competent in the major areas we’ll discuss below.  While you can do work to figure out how to improve self esteem and confidence even without advancing in these core areas, that takes a lot more inner work.  So yes, it’s definitely possible.  And I do work with men on how to do this.  However, building self esteem in adults takes a little bit more time and focus.  It can be done, but it takes mire than just some self confidence tips to get you there.

Instead, for most people the easiest and fastest way to learn how to increase self esteem in adults is to build core confidence in the areas they care about.  And then self esteem will be a result of that.  There are people who were raised as children to learn how to build confidence and self esteem before they have any real world success.   That can also be programmed into you if you know how to do the right work on yourself.  But we’ll save that for another article.

Core Areas

core areas of confidence - money, women, body

The core areas of confidence for a man are:

  • purpose / money
  • women
  • body and health

And then there are some supplemental areas, like:

  • style
  • ability to fight / defend yourself
  • dance or interact with people
  • navigating a certain city / venues

If you can determine how to be confident in your core areas then you’ll be a high energy, powerful man.  Adding in the supplemental areas will be icing on the cake to your already high confidence.

How to be confident: building confidence 

  1. Positive affirmations and effort
  2. Make Goals and get Small wins
  3. Set New Standards
  4. Continuing to get slightly bigger wins
  5. Again, Set New standards
  6. Bigger wins, more confidence, and self esteem

Type 1 Confidence is built through success.  You’re more confident at things you’re naturally good at.

Because you’ve experienced success.  And success breeds success.  It’s not hard to learn how to be confident in a specific area.

1. Positive affirmations and effort

man reading positive affirmations

But the first step is start with positive affirmations.  Write down positive things you are right now or can work towards in each of your core areas.

Purpose / money

“I have the ability to start my own web design company and get 1 client”

“I can add $20,000 to my income this year”

I’m a producer and spend time creating”


“I’m surrounded by tons of beautiful women who want to date me”

Body and health

“I’m blessed a great body.”

Or if you don’t “I’m putting in the work and will soon have a great body.”

Affirmations that work

The key is to make positive affirmations that will help you feel good now.  And also push you to do more.

They have to be realistic or somewhat realistic.  You can have stretch goals.  But they have to be believable.

  • For example, if you’re broke, and say ” I am a millionaire” or “I will be a millionaire in two months from now”, you’re not helping anyone.
  • You know you’re bullshitting yourself.
  • You won’t feel any more confident about your financial situation.

Instead, learning how to be confident starts with small things.

If you make $70,000, try to make $90,000 (an extra $20k), by starting a side business.

Having a side business that makes you $1500-$2000 is definitely doable.  You’ll actually believe yourself when you say this.  And then you’ll have a higher chance of putting in the effort to make it happen.

2. Make Goals and get Small wins

how to be confident - man whiteboard goals

The next step in learning how to be confident is to get some small wins.

You do this by creating small, doable goals for each category.  Once you accomplish these goals, you’ll feel what it’s like to win.

Purpose / money

For example, with your money, you can make a goal to get 1 client with your side business.  Your side business can develop into your purpose.

Let’s say this client is paying you $1000 for web design / maintenance services.  Or personally training, whatever your business is.  Once you do this, then you’ll get a win in this category.  You’ll feel that you can make progress in your business and money efforts because you’ve seen some success.


If you’ve never dated a woman, then make a goal to get a phone number at the club, or a date from tinder.

If you’ve dated some women but have trouble keeping girls around, then make it a goal to see girls more consistently.

Make a goal that’s just out of reach of what you’ve done but is definitely doable.  Then accomplish that.

Body and health

One way confidence can be improved by is getting your body in great shape.  Body goals can also differ depending on what level you are.  If you’re overweight, make a goal to cut out junk food.  This alone will help you to lose weight.

If you’re already lean, then make a goal to get a slightly bigger pr on bench press or squats.

3. Celebrating your small wins, but don’t get over emotional

curry celebrating - pic 1

Now it’s time to celebrate.  No, you’re not going to get lazy and drink for a week straight.

You still have a lot of work to do.  But a big part of learning how to be confident is actually enjoying your wins.

Confidence is your belief in your ability to do something.  However, you need to actually celebrate your wins so that you realize you can do it.  Should you get excited about a victory?  Well, actually not.  Not too excited.  You should celebrate your victories by recognizing them.  But don’t get too emotional or happy about it.  Because then you place too much value on that.

This is a tough one.  Remember your victories, but don’t get too attached to them.  Instead, learn to embrace this new victory as the standard.

The first number you got?  No, now  you get numbers from cute girls all the time.  The first client you got?  No, you have tons of clients who want to work with you.

Remember your success, but don’t get emotional.  If you want o know how to boost your self esteem quickly, remember when you win but don’t get excited.  Make that the new standard in your mind.  That way you can level up without getting too nervous or excited.

Dating example

Some guys just want to learn how to overcome social anxiety and go out.  They’ve had shyness and social anxiety most of their adult life and celebrate just going out and talking to a girl.  For them, that’s a victory.

But even a lot of normal guys who go out have mixed levels fo confidence with girls.  What I mean by that is a lot men go up and down in confidence when it comes to dating.  That’s because they base their overall elf esteem on how they with women.

Some guys using dating as one of the ways to build your self esteem and feel better about themselves.  However, then they get down when a girl rejects them.

They get happy when they get a number, get a date, get laid, get a girlfriend, etc.  But then they get sad when they get rejected, the girls don’t want to have sex, their girlfriend dumps them, and etc.  You get the idea.

I always recommend not getting too excitement over success in dating.  Yes, you can celebrate a little bit when you get better with women.  But one of the best ways to improve self esteem overall is to not get too excited when you do well.

Instead, like we just discussed above, make your new victory the new standard.

It’s important to remind yourself of the small wins you get.  Realize you’ve made some progress.  however, don’t get emotional about it.  Learning how to be more confident means that you level up while staying calm.

4. Continuing to get slightly bigger wins

How to have charisma: Do 3 things to become a charismatic man - Leonardo diCaprio

You’ve made goals, gotten small wins, and have set new standards

Now it’s time to use the momentum you’ve begun to create to get bigger wins.

Success breeds success.  And you’re starting to believe your own affirmations.  Say them with more conviction.   You’re seeing the positive self talk start to influence your attitude, work ethic, and success.  So use this energy and get bigger wins.


Let’s say you’ve gotten your first client.  You know that you have what it takes to think like an entrepreneur.  You know that someone is willing to give you business.  You’re selling something of value.  Now use this to get another client.

  • Directly, you can use the case study of how you’re helping your client in marketing campaigns or sales pitches to new prospects.
  • Indirectly, you can feed off of the confidence you got from getting the deal.

You’ll then be on the path to building real wealth and net worth.


Let’s say you’re trying to get a girlfriend.  But for now you’re working on keeping the girls around.

After getting laid on the first date a few times, see if you can keep the girls around.  From there, you can see them on a regular basis.  And then you can see if one of them if a good fit for your relationship criteria.

Or you’re working on getting out of a relationship and curing your oneitis.  Get a few numbers from new girls, and work on setting up dates, then new lays.  Eventually, your small wins will grow into slightly bigger wins.

5. Again, setting new standards

man up like the rock

A big part of learning how to be confident is remembering your success.

The point of celebration isn’t to stop growing.

As man, we’re always striving for better and for more success.

But you still need to celebrate a little bit along the way.  After all, if you gain a lot of success in business, but it means nothing to you, then what’s the point?

Or if you want to date some high quality women, and you’re finally doing it, it’s good to actually enjoy the process.

The whole point in getting success is to learn how to be confident and be happy.  Building confidence will make you happy and more joyful.  So it’s important to consciously realize how far you’ve come and remember your success.  Allow yourself to feel good over your accomplishments.

Don’t get over excited.  But it’s good to realize how far you’ve already come.

6. Bigger wins, more confidence, and self esteem

money over sex

After you celebrate your success again, it’s time to go for bigger wins.

These are the big goals you want to aim for.  And add in your own ones as well.

It’s possible to get here with enough momentum from your smaller wins.

Focus on winning

Figuring out how to be confident is easy if you just focus on winning.  The more you win, the more you’ll believe in yourself.  And the more you realize how much you’ve grown, the better you’ll feel in a specific area.

From there, your confidence will grow.  We all have our own strengths and weaknesses.

There are some things we’re better at from an early age, and therefore become more confident in.  So it’s not that you have no confidence.  You just haven’t developed it in the areas you need it the most.

Become More Confident

Become confident with your business/money, women, and body, as well as the other supplemental areas that apply to your life.

It’s tough at the beginning when you suck ass.

But don’t give up.  Learning how to be confident in any of these areas is possible if you put in the work and stay dedicated.

This will build your Type 1 Confidence in these core areas, which will as a result give you Type 2 Confidence.  You’ll know you can always adapt because you got your dating life, money, and fitness down.  Other things can be learned as well.  And if you focus on each area and achieve success, then you’ll be an overall confident man.

Naturally, your Type 3 Confidence of self esteem will grow as well.


building confidence, confidence, confident, how to be confident

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