How to be Outcome Independent
Learning how to be outcome independent will not only decrease anxiety, stress, and worry, but it will also increase the chance of the outcome actually coming to fruition.
No one can be completely 100% outcome independent all the time. Perfection doesn’t need to be the goal. In fact, needing to be outcome independent itself is another thing you’re holding onto too tightly.
In order to become outcome independent you must get out of your head and become involved in the present moment. The more you can actually be living life, the less you’ll be thinking about the future outcomes, and the less dependent you’ll be on them.
But this doesn’t come naturally to all of us. And in the a high pressured, make it or crash kind of society we live in, we’re trained to focus on outcomes from an early age.
The point rather isn’t to become lazy or have no direction in life. Every man needs to work in order to be fulfilled, healthy, and play his role in the universe. But being dependent on an outcome in order to feel good or in the hopes of getting something is no way to live. You’re always living for the future. If you get the thing you wanted, you feel good for a few moments, but then there’s the next outcome. And if you don’t get it, you feel miserable.
Learning how to become outcome independent will give you massive mental clarity and will help you not only achieve more without worrying about it, but will help you actually enjoy life more.
Pedestalizing the Outcome Hurts your chances of getting it
Before we dive deeper, it’s important to understand that putting anything on a pedestal is a mistake. Generally we use the “pedestal” as a metaphor for valuing something above ourselves. Men will do with a woman, sex, career promotions, money, fitness / strength, and so on.
Just about any goal we create for ourselves can turn into a nightmare if we put it on a pedestal.
If we don’t achieve it then we feel terrible. And even if we do achieve it, then our feeling of fulfillment only lasts a few moments. Worst of all, pedestalizing the goals we have actually hurts our chances of getting it.
These reasons are why it’s important for us to become outcome independent. When we’re not so attached to the outcome, then we can really live life. Then we can become involved. And because we can focus on the task a hand without being desperate, we’re able to actually increase the chance of our success.
What about Visualization?
Visualization is a powerful tool. Imagining yourself where you want to be and the feeling of satisfaction that will bring. However, that’s what visualization is really about. Not so much getting to where you want to be, but feeling like you’re already there. Visualizing your success is just a tool to feel like you have what it is you’re going for.
Many guys take visualization the wrong way and instead of imagining they already have achieved their success, they worry about getting it. They worry about getting the job, or getting the money. They look in the mirror and see the body they want doesn’t match what they’ve visualized.
The constant rejection of women spits in the face of their visualization of a beautiful girlfriend or dating options.
That’s why visualization is a tool to use sparingly for some guys. It’s extremely powerful to use in the beginning to imagine what you want. And it can be another tool to leverage when you’re feeling low on motivation in a moment of despair.
However, visualization doesn’t need to be used on a daily basis. It’s good to have a little delusion about how great you are, but not too much. Having a little bit of confidence when you haven’t done anything can be enough to catapult you to take action. But living in complete delusion about where you’re actually at in the real world will only lead to you crashing and burning.
Visualization is good for optimists, not for pessimists
That’s why you don’t need to be constantly using visualization. Again, there are some guys who benefit from constant visualization of their goals. Constant visualization is good if you’re inherently an optimist.
But for most guys, visualization at the very beginning and then used here and there will be enough.
Especially if you’re naturally a pessimist.
And to be honest, most guys I’ve worked with are pessimists / slightly negative realists.
If that’s you, that’s okay. You can become more optimistic overtime.
But for now, work with your natural disposition. Fighting it will not due you any favors right now. If you’re not naturally happy and go-lucky, chances are you look at things with a more negative or suspicious light. As men, this is natural to us as it would’ve kept us alive in the wild. However, this negative-leaning outlook generally isn’t useful in the modern world when applied to our goals.
To learn how to become outcome independent you first need to stop visualizing the outcome so much.
3 Steps to become Outcome Independent
- Pick the outcome
- Define the Process
- Focus on the Process, forget the outcome
1. Pick the outcome
The first step is to define the outcome you want. Yes, you must actually have a direction you want to go in. There’s nothing wrong with having goals or desired outcomes. In fact, it’s completely necessary if you want to do anything with your life.
While the point of this article is to get you to not focus so much on the outcome, you first must pick the outcome you want. Do you want a successful business, or a six figure job, or a girlfriend, or to be able to retain for 6 months?
These are all fine goals. Whatever you want, decide on what that is. In order to become outcome independent, you must first pick the outcome.
2. Define the Process
The next step is to define thee process. This is where most guys mess up. They pick the outcome they want, but then they just focus on the outcome. And that’s why they become so desperate and needy for it. Because that’s where their attention is going.
In order to be indifferent to the outcome, you need to focus on something else. And besides, the way to get to a destination isn’t to think about, it’s to get on the road.
That’s what the process is. Define what is the process for achieving the ideal outcome. If you want to start your own business, the process is marketing / selling your services and then servicing your clients. If you want a girlfriend, the process is being presentable and then talking to women. And if you just want to retain your seed, the process is not touching your dick.
3. Focus on the Process, forget the outcome
Focus on the process and only that. Forget about the outcome. When you’re able to do this, you’re living fully in the present moment.
You don’t need to think about money to make money. Instead you just need to focus on the money making activities (aka the process) like calling prospects or creating an ad campaign.
You don’t need to think about women to be good with women. You just have to look decent, have a life, and talk to the women you want to talk to when you see them.
And you don’t need to think about abs or muscles in order to get your best body. You just need to focus on the process of lifting weights and eating clean.
Forget about the final outcome of having lots of money, having a beautiful girlfriend, having a great body, etc.
What if I can’t stop thinking about the outcome?
If you’re having trouble forgetting about the outcome and therefore don’t feel outcome independent then don’t worry. Instead of putting your goal on a pedestal, just think of it as the “ideal outcome”, but it doesn’t have to happen.
So let’s say you want to get laid or get a girlfriend. That’s the ideal outcome from going up and talking a woman. But it doesn’t have to happen. “That’d be cool, but it’s all good if it doesn’t happen”. This can be an in-between step to becoming outcome independent. A mindset like this will take the edge off and allow you to focus on the process while not making the outcome a bid deal.
Do this enough with any goal you have and eventually you’ll forget about the goal naturally and you will be involved in the process.