April 20

How to be the Leader in a Relationship: 4 Rules Every Man Must Abide by


How to be the Leader in a relationship

Knowing how to be the leader in a relationship is essential if you want to be the CEO of your own life.

Relationships take up a big part of our lives.  Although many of you are players, most of you will be in a committed relationship at some point down the line.  And for those of you with girlfriends, learning how to be the leader in a relationship is absolutely vital.

If you don’t lead, then she will.  Her leadership will cause you two to break up or stay together in a situation where she both resents + controls you.

Any and all masculine men need to know how to be the alpha in a relationship and avoid betaization.

Good for you is it’s not hard to learn how to be the leader in a relationship.  Especially if you’re single or starting a new relationship.  If you’re currently in a long term relationship then it will be more difficult, but you can still reverse things and take back control.

Like it or not, this is real advice for the real world.  And real relationships always have a power dynamic with one person designated as the leader.  It may be just 60/40 or it could be 90/10.  But you can’t escape the fact that one of you needs to lead and the other needs to follow.  If you want to be a follower that’s fine, just stop reading here.  Just become obsessed with your girl and go catch oneitis.

For the rest of you that actually want to know how to be the leader in a relationship, read on.

1. Care less

giving a girl space

Leadership in romantic relationships comes down to power.  Whoever cares less has the power.  And whoever has the power is the leader.  As the man, it’s up to you to guard your heart and care less.  That may seem cold.  It is.  But it doesn’t mean you become abusive or that you need to be a shitty boyfriend.

In fact you can still care about your girlfriend.  You can care about her a lot.  But she just needs to care more.

A man’s role in a relationships is to lead.  You can only do that overtime if she cares more than you.  It’s not about learning how to control a woman in a relationship and make her a slave to your will.  It’s about being the leader in the relationship and guiding the course for the two of you.

You make her care more by giving her the best sex she’s ever had and learning to fuck her properly.  Combine that with being hot and cold (when appropriate) to let her feel her emotions keeping your sexual market value high, and focusing on your purpose.

She’ll care about you and she’ll value the relationship more.  Which means she’ll maintain interest in you and will put effort into the relationship.  This is the nurturing role most women want to fill.

You can still care about her of course.  It’ll be impossible for you not to develop any feelings after you two start hanging out more and more.  She just needs to care more.

2. Make decisions

man becoming leader in relationship

By default, you can simply determine how to be the leader in a relationship by making decisions.  The wrist thing ever is to ask your girlfriend

  • “what do you want to do tonight” or
  • “where do you want to eat” or
  • “whatever you want dear”

That’s indecisive and leaving the ball in her court.  Take the initiative to do what you want to do.  If she really doesn’t want to do something she’ll say it or bring it up later.  Don’t spend hours trying to guess what she wants to do every time you two are going to hang out.  Plan your dates / meet ups.

Even if it’s not what she wants to do, she’ll get used to you making the decisions and being the leader.  Women want a man who will do what they want and bring the girl along with them.

3. Assign tasks for her

Woman serving man food

A woman loves to help her man.  This applies to girlfriends, wives, and even girls you see casually.  She will love to do things for you if she feels she’s helping you.  This fits into her her instinct to nurture and support.  And this isn’t a lesser role to a man.  It’s vital for you to have the feminine energy in your life that will help nourish you and allow you to rest.

So go ahead and assign tasks for her.  Thing like washing your dishes, cleaning the kitchen, giving you massages, and cooking you food.

The point isn’t that you can’t do it yourself.  You’re more than capable.  But it’s to get her to be more invested and do things for you.  She’ll naturally come to see her role as a follower to you.  It’s much easier to have leadership in romantic relationships when the woman is invested and actually wants to follow you.

Not only do you get the benefits of her helping you with things, but you also will get her used to being led + being submissive to you.  Naturally feminine women will flourish under this.  There’s a lot of feminist programming that’s making women masculine.  But the majority of women are feminine by nature and assigning tasks to support you will bring this out.

4. Pass shit tests by maintaining a masculine frame

women love a challenge, man ignoring woman

Shit tests occur on first dates when you’re trying to get laid all the way to even 10 years into a marriage.

The more you pass them the less they’ll come up, but you’ll still have them once in a while.  The more you fail them the more you’ll get, until the girl becomes disinterested in you.  If she doesn’t break up with you then you can bet she’ll be making your life miserable.

This is where most guys fail in figuring out how to be the leader in a relationship.  They’ll be a leader for the first few weeks or months.  But they get attached, start to care more, and eventually start failing the shit tests.

Pass her shit tests and stand up for yourself.  Maintain your masculine frame and either agree + amplify for small shit tests or pull back your attention for larger shit tests.

Passing her tests will ensure she sees your value as higher than hers and will keep her submissive to you.

Being the leader in a relationship means having to show your masculinity and not be bothered by her little tests.  These tests are part of her survival instincts to make sure you’re a strong mate.  A man’s role in a relationship is to be the strong, masculine one.  Which means maintaining this frame when she tests you.  As long as you are the leader in the relationship, the shit tests shouldn’t come up often though.  If you consistently pass them but she is always testing, you may have a drama queen on your hands.

Leading in a relationship – always be ready to walk away

leading in a relationship, don draper walking away

It may sound ironic.  But knowing how to be the leader in a relationship means you’re always ready to walk away.  This shows you have the power, and therefore you run the relationship.

This doesn’t mean you threaten to break up with her every time she does something small you don’t like.  But you must be willing to break things off when she shows massive signs of disrespect or unwilling to follow you.

So when you do break things off, she must come back to you, and then you can make her submit even more to your leadership.  The betas won’t like this article.  But the truth of the matter is if you don’t lead in relationships you’re going to get dumped, cucked, cheated on, or at the very least be miserable.  But if you learn how to be the leader in a relationship and even just how to be a man in a relationship, you can ensure the two of you are happy and both benefit from it.


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Kendrick Davison
Kendrick Davison
3 years ago

Thanks you

A Guy from Germany
A Guy from Germany
2 years ago

Hey man. Ive just read ur post at 4 a.m. in the morning, unable to get some sleep (like so often…). Just a random thought I wanted to add, by asking a suggestive question: Do u know how u really gain “abundance mentallity”/”being willing to walk away”? Because u cant fake it. It is only achieved through pain. The pain of unbearable, soul crushing loss. Be it a past relationship u valued as high or be it that ur mother passed. In my case both and more has happened. And I truthfully came to the conclusion, that no matter how… Read more »

2 years ago

I have a question about how to get my boyfriend to step into a bit more power. I am naturally a strong women, but would still like my man to lead. I have been trying to step back and let him make decisions for the both of us, but it seems he just defaults to me or just doesn’t make a decision. I’m exhausted … and I’m not sure what to do. Any ideas on what I can do … or not do?

Reply to  Rebellious Development
2 years ago

Thank you so much. I will certainly follow your advice.

2 years ago

Hey man…great post! I want to share this creepy story, just to know your opinion. I was dating this girl for a couple weeks, on our 7th date we had sex. That night, I unfortunately had performance anxiety (it’s been the 2nd time in my life) and I started to shaking and act clumsy for it. I fingered her and I did a bit oral, but she didn’t came. When I was on missionary, with mild erection, while I was trying to penetrate her, I did a strange face and she reacted in a very aggressive way, saying “nono.. This… Read more »

Reply to  Rebellious Development
2 years ago

Thank you for your reply! I know it’s in my head, I already started working on myself to resolve this problem with meditation and therapy. I have lots of friends who are women, we often talk about sex… but none of them said that if a guy can’t keep an erection the first time is something offensive. Most of them are supportive and understand it’s not something about the guy doesn’t find them attractive…. so I partially agree with you. Surely, a part of them get offended, but I still think they usually are the most insecure. For this reason… Read more »

Reply to  Rebellious Development
2 years ago

I heard about the topic but it wasn’t a opinion to my experience, it was on opinion in general. So they didn’t say it because they feel bad for me. At least 5 of my male best friends had this problem with their current or ex girlfriends during their first sexual encounters, and all of them have been understanding and supportive, included my ex girlfriend, so I still don’t think all women get offended for it. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want absolutely blame women who don’t do it. Everyone is free and has the right to do whatever is… Read more »

Reply to  Rebellious Development
2 years ago

Yes man, 5 of them. And I know a bunch of men with this problem.

It’s called new partner anxiety, or something like that.

Anyway, thank you for your support and your posts… Very useful.

I’ll overcome this annoying problem, I’m sure…

My bests!

2 years ago

Very useful read. Thank you James!

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