How to Choose your Girlfriend: Guide to Getting a High Quality Girl
Knowing is such an important decision that most men only loosely think about. Yet the vast majority of us have had girlfriends in the past and will have them in the future. We already know not to get legally married. Divorce rape isn’t something I want to happen to any of you. B ut this could also apply to choosing your wife for life.
But believe it or not, I had a girlfriend for many years. And I’ve also had mini-relationships with women as a player. Every girl you sleep with is like a mini relationship. And because you’re not an ultra rich or ultra famous playboy, you can’t afford to hit n quit every girl you see. So you should be seeing women casually for periods too.
And with all my experience and from what I’ve seen in the game, the biggest problems men have in relationships is that they don’t know how to choose the right girl and they don’t know how to maintain the alpha position in the relationship.
Choosing the right girlfriend
In this article we’re going to dive into the first topic. If you can learn how to choose your girlfriend, you’re going to save yourself a lot of time, heart ache, and trouble.
There’s no perfect girl, and the goal of this post isn’t for you to go looking for a woman that doesn’t exist. And even if you do find a virgin or girl who’s slept with 1 dude, is feminine, young, and seems like the total package, you can always ruin the relationship by catching oneitis and cause her to cheat / dump you.
But if you know how to choose your girlfriend, you’re going to dramatically increase the chance of your relationship lasting a long time. And also drastically increase the quality of the relationship and your experience during it.
Because whether you’re just tired of being a player, want a companion while you build your business, want to have kids, or just want to see what a relationship can bring to the table for you, there are perks to having a girlfriend.
And while even the most alpha of men can lead in any relationship, it’s going to be much easier if you find a quality girl and then lead properly from there.
How to get a quality girlfriend?
So how do you figure out picking the right girl? It all starts with finding a girl that generally had good qualities. You can always fuck up by putting the pussy on a pedestal, or take the hard way and try to make a housewife out of a hoe.
But it’s just so much easier when you find a girl with solid qualities to begin with. You need to decide what qualities you want in a girlfriend. I’ve done some of the work for you.
Traits of a high quality girlfriend
- Low notch count
- Values relationships
- Feminine and follows your lead
Low notch count
You’ve heard it before and I’ll say it again. When discovering how to choose your girlfriend, you want to target a girl with a low notch count. Meaning she’s slept with as few dudes as possible. A virgin is always ideal, but unlikely.
I give a hard cut off around 12, but really, you want to have a girl with a notch count of 5 or less. The lesser the better.
This is nothing against women with higher notch counts. In fact, I get along with women who’ve been around the block. And most of the women you fuck will have notch counts of 20-30+. There are plenty of very attractive, sexy women who have notch counts of 20, 25, 30 dudes. But you can’t make these girls your girlfriend. At least not knowingly.
If she lies to you drastically about her notch count, then it’s not your fault completely. But you should be aware that women with high notch counts are far from ideal when you’re figuring out how to choose your girlfriend.
The more men she’s been with, the easier she’s able to disconnect herself from sex and move on. Which means she’ll be more enticed to seek out better options than you if things aren’t going so well in the relationship.
Probabilities – Don’t make exceptions
Sure, a high notch count girl can be loyal and a low notch count girl can cheat. But when learning how to choose your girlfriend, it’s about probabilities. And you’re much more likely to have a good relationship with a girl with a lower notch count versus a girl with a high notch count.
Women with higher notch counts basically have more game. They’re able to manipulate men better and know how to leverage their pussy for power, in their relationship and also in the world. This will cause more problems with you and her when you two are dating. It’s much better to get a girlfriend with a lower notch count.
No way to know for sure
All for this being said, there’s no way for sure you can know a woman’s true notch count. You have to take a guess. This is one of the reasons you don’t make a girl your girlfriend after a few weeks or a month. You should be seeing her for 3-6 months at least. That way you can tell what she’s really like. Any girl can act sweet and nice for a month, maybe even two. But after 3 or 4 months of seeing a girl is when you can begin to see her true personality. The way she acts, talks, treats you, and discusses her life will give you clues to her true notch count.
And many times a woman will just tell you or bring it up herself. If she likes you a lot, she’s going to ask you eventually. If you ask her, then you look weak and like a female. So don’t ask her what her number is. Because if you do, you’re going to get a false number.
Let her bring up past partners. If she’s insistent on finding out your number, which most women will be, make her tell you her number first.
Deflect the question, never give an answer
When it comes to my notch count, I tend to always deflect the question and never answer it directly. The times I have, I underplayed my number. A safe number for you to give is in the 20-30 range. That’s if you’re a player with a notch count of that or higher. If you’re a virgin or have a notch count of 5, then you’re lying will come across. But if you’ve slept with 50 or 60, then underplaying it will be easier to pull off.
A woman with a low notch count might get upset. But it’s not enough like a few hundred to make her feel grossed out enough to scare her away completely. A woman with a notch count equal or even higher than yours will feel free to tell you her real number, because you seem sexually experienced enough to not be a desperate beta male. If you tell a girl your number is 3, and her real number is 25, she might just tell you 5.
That’s why I make her say the number first.
And you might even find that when she says 5, you say 25, she’ll give you a different answer a few weeks later. Not because she fucked 10 guys in a few weeks, but because she regrets lying about her number and feels she can be honest with a higher notch count man.
All in all, you can never truly know the notch count of a woman. And you shouldn’t bring it up first. However, it’s very important that you estimate and try to get a feel for what it is.
Ask yourself questions about her
Does she party a lot? Or does she prefer to stay in and read? Does she have a good relationship with both parents, or did her dad walk out on her family when she was young?
Are her ex boyfriends gang members, or did they seem like they were nice guys? This is a big one. If a girl, especially in her young years of 18-25, is mainly with beta type dudes, this is actually a good sign. It means instead of chasing alpha dick in her prime beauty years, she choose to try and make a relationship with a beta type guy work. Which means she values relationships more than just trying to leverage her beauty as much as possible until she hits the wall. Which brings us to our next point.
Knowing how to get a quality girlfriend requires pursuing a relationship with someone who values relationships.
Every girl on the planet will tell you they value relationships. Even a prostitute or the neighborhood slut will say that.
But when you’re trying to get a high quality girl, go by her actions, not her words. You need to look at her past. That’s why notch count for women is important. But a low notch count is only part of the story. A girl who has a notch count of 8 but is 30 years old is very different than an 18 year old with the same notch count. Of course you most likely want the younger girl. However, a girl at 18 whose been with 8 dudes likely doesn’t value relationships the same way her older counter part does.
If a girl has been with a few dudes, but they’ve all been boyfriends, with maybe 1 or 2 one night stands, then that’s pretty good for western standards. If she’s had one boyfriend and then 8-9 one night stands or casual sex partners, then she doesn’t value relationships the same way.
She might want a boyfriend, but she’s willing to engage with men outside of that sphere.
And while I enjoy women who have sex outside of relationships, I enjoy my time with them in exactly that capacity. Outside of a relationship.
Girls who value relationships
Knowing how to choose your girlfriend requires that you’re able to distinguish the girls who actually value relationships versus the ones who just like it when it’s convenient. Women who spend most of their time in relationships are the one who actually value them.
There’s been some debate and questions I’ve gotten about girls are serial monogamous versus girls who are single for years. Let me tell you, it’s 10x better to be with a girl whose a serial monogamous type of person. The main factor is to make sure these relationships were actually long lasting, and therefore only a few of them. girl who dates a man for 3 months and then replaces him every 3 months might as well be casual.
I have nothing against women who are single for years. But if she is, it’s because she’s riding the cock carousel or can’t get a guy to commit. Either way, she’s taking extra dick, building baggage, and making things harder for future relationships.
A girl whose only been in 1-3 relationships before you and not much outside of that is a girl whose committed to trying to make a relationship work. At the end of the day, you want a girl whose looking for a relationship. If you choose a girlfriend that really likes you but is generally single, well, she’s going to miss that lifestyle. And she’ll either cheat on you, or move to to sucking and fucking other guys very shortly after the two of you fight or have a break up.
Feminine and follows your lead
There are women who value relationships, but always are in control. You need a woman who not only prefers relationships, but you need a girl who is feminine and follows your lead easily.
Women who are feminine towards you and follow your lead from the beginning are the ones who have high attraction towards you. That’s why certain women will be more masculine around weak men but be feminine around a man she finds more attractive or more masculine. This can change throughout the relationship if you begin acting beta or weak. But if you stay in your masculine frame then you can stay the leader in the relationship.
But right now we’re focusing on how to choose your girlfriend. And there are girls you’ll sleep with + casually see who will be much more feminine than others.
Telling when a girl is feminine
It’ll be a combination of how feminine she is naturally and how much she likes you. Either way, it’ll be obvious when a girl is feminine. She’ll agree to the plans you’ll make, she’ll suck your dick without you asking, she’ll want to hang out, she’ll dress feminine, and she won’t shit test you very often.
A woman whose feminine and follows your lead from the beginning will make a much better girlfriend than other girls who are less submissive around you. When a girl isn’t your girlfriend yet, she’s generally on her best behavior. So if she isn’t being feminine now, it’s not going to change much unless you become the Rock.
You can always maintain her submissiveness towards you, and even build it throughout the duration of the relationship. But it needs to be there from the beginning.
When you’re trying to find a quality girlfriend, don’t just go after the hottest girl you can sleep with. Because the 9 or 10 who was willing to fuck you might like you, but she might not be as submissive as the 8 or 8.5. It’s better to first learn how to choose your girlfriend based on her feminine energy around you. But of course she can be easy on the eyes as well.
How to get a girl like this
Ironically, as a player dating multiple women, you’re going to be with women who won’t be the right ones to date as girlfriends. Many guys get jaded by this and think that are girls are super sluts.
But you must realize that when you’re getting laid off of tinder and at clubs/bars, most of the girls who sleep with you are going to be the freaks. They’re the girls who are willing to engage with you casually.
Once in a while you can get a high quality girl from these places, but most of the good girls aren’t going to be out too often. There will be plenty of hot women you get meet this way. But knowing how to get a high quality girl also means you need to look in other places.
This applies even mores o to men who are figuring out how to choose a girlfriend they want to have kids with. which I know isn’t all fo you right now. Besides regular places to meet women, the best places to find a potential girlfriend are
- religious institutions (women under 25)
- social circles
- conservative areas, lesser dense areas
- out and about in real life
Religious institutions are places like churches, mosques, temples, and so on. Whatever your culture is or mainstream in the area you live. Religious girls are generally very sexually conservative and also value relationships. It’s key here though that you’re dating a girl who goes to church or wherever once a week but then goes out on the weekends. You don’t won’t the girl who was on the cock carousel and then became religious at age 30.
Choosing the right girl in a religious institution comes down to a girl that has actually been active and involved in her prime years. If a girl is 19 and a church girl, you’re likely in the clear. If she’s 30, just had a kid, and is transitioning from a decade of partying to the religious lifestyle, avoid at all costs.
The downsides to dating a truly religious girl is that she may want to wait until marriage for sex or hold out for a while. So you want to find a balance and find a girl who’s willing to have sex with guys but is just selective about it. This is more of a long-term game plan and requires that you actually are spiritual yourself. This is better if you’re looking for a girl to have kids with and are willing to do some work. If you’re younger and just want to know how to choose your girlfriend of the next few years, it may not be worth it.
Social circles are also a great way to know how to choose the right girl. This is because you can judge a girl pretty well from her social circle. And if you two are in the same circle, or you meet through mutual friends, you’re able to get a real background of her. You’ll get to hear unfiltered stories from other guys or her friends. It’s easy to tell the girls who have been around the whole block versus the girls who’d make good girlfriends by hanging around their friends.
Less dense, conservative areas
Less dense areas are generally more conservative than the cities, which means the girls are also better relationship material. This isn’t always the case of course. But generally speaking, a girl from a small town or a suburb, who hasn’t lived in the city, is going to value relationships and have a lower notch count. She also has a certain image in her head of how she sees her life, and that’s usually in a long term relationship.
Plus since women in smaller towns tend to settle down earlier, there’s more social pressure to find a man and not be promiscuous.
Living in less dense areas is the opposite of what I recommend for all of you wanting to be players. Because cities are so ideal for dating multiple women and having a team. And it’s easy to meet tons of new women in a city. And if you’re a young guy, under 30, I think you should still live in a city.
Finding a suburban girl or rural girl
But you can find a happy medium with choosing the right girl by finding someone from a nearby suburb. That way she’s still from a small town, but close to the city to you. Girls who grow up near a city either have aspirations to be closer to the city or want nothing to do with it. Learning how to choose the right girlfriend means finding a girl whose willing to come to the city to see you, but doesn’t imagine herself as a city girl.
You can still date city women, but they have a much higher chance or riding the cock carousel. It’s better to find a girl near the city who doesn’t want to be near it, or find a girl from a city but doesn’t have fantasy’s about it. It’s the girls who are from small towns who’ve always wanted to move to the big city who become the worst choices for girlfriends. Girls who grow up in a city don’t have the same fantasy’s about the sex in the city lifestyle and girls who aren’t from the city are obviously not into that either.
In real life
You can always meet a high quality girl in real life. You guys know I’m not big on day game and trying to cold approach every girl you see. I teach you to build your sexual market value as high as possible so you can have girls choose on you. Then when girls check you out, you can approach them. You’ll naturally do much better since they have interest in you.
Lift weights, dress well, and walk with an aura of extreme confidence.
Then when girls check you out at the grocery store, on the street, at the beach, or wherever, you can approach them.
You’re a player in life. You don’t have time to dedicate a Saturday day to picking up girls. Save that for the night time. But you still want to be open to meeting a high quality girl in real life when the opportunity presents itself. Live life as a high quality man and approach women who give you eye contact.
There are some high quality women in the city, but they’re usually not out at the club or on tinder. We use those tools to meet girls of course. But when figuring out how to choose your girlfriend, the best place is life circumstance. And life circumstances that allow you to meet women happen when you become a high value man and then are aware of the girls who check you out. Then just approach and talk to them. You’ll end up talking to a lot less girls versus just cold approaching. But you’ll do way better with the girls you talk to, as they already like you.
Red flags you chose the wrong girlfriend
Once you start dating her, red flags she’s not as good as you think
And once you’ve learn how to choose your girlfriend, you need to still pay attention to what she does. Because if you didn’t screen properly, or didn’t notice any of the red flags before, now is the time to take notice. There will be a separate article on red flags your girlfriend isn’t as good as you think, but the main signs to watch out for are:
- Her sisters / mom / aunts are slutty
- Heavily drinks or parties
- Lots of straight male friends
- Lived in a major city by herself
- Admits to having a “hoe phase”
- Isn’t sure about wanting to have kids or a family (this will change for 90% of women, but a young woman who doesn’t want this means she still wants to ride cock carousal
- Has been single for many years
Choose the right girlfriend
It’s not easy to find a quality girlfriend in the modern era. But it’s not nearly as hopeless as many men online make it out to be.
Sure, there are plenty of women with notch counts of 20-30+ guys. However, there are plenty of women with low notch counts. Because not every girl can be a major slut. There are a few men who get laid a lot, but even then it’s enough to support every girl having a massive notch count.
This doesn’t mean girls with a notch count of less than 10 or 5 are angels. However, it’s a good starting point. And from there, you can dwindle it down to girls who are feminine, value relationships, and fit the other qualities you want in the right girlfriend.
You can find a decent girl who also likes you. And if she meets your criteria of a high quality girlfriend, then you can pursue that path. Not every relationship will last. And in fact, it will either end with you two breaking up or one of you dying. However, knowing how to choose the right girlfriend makes a huge difference in how much you’ll enjoy and grow from the relationship. Pick the right girl, lead the relationship, and use it for as long as it’s beneficial to your happiness.