How to deal with a break up
Figuring out how to deal with a break up can be a difficult thing to do. Chances are you got dumped and didn’t want this to happen if you’re reading this. But dealing with break ups is going to be essential for any man in the dating game. Because for the majority of men, knowing how to deal with a break up is critical for getting over a relationship.
There are those guys that stay together with their first girlfriends forever. But I’m guessing that’s not you. And that’s fine. While you should take responsibility for mistakes you made, it’s not time to drown your sorrow or beat yourself up. Learning how to deal with a break up needs to be done effectively and wish precision.
If you can follow these steps, then dealing with break ups will be much easier. Don’t let this event hold you back from future success and happiness. Let’s dive in so you can recover and move on.
- Accept it right away
- Do not look at her social media
- Be physically active often
- Watch your alcohol or drug usage
- Meet other women
- Meditation / Spiritual practice
- Get back focused on your purpose
1. Accept it right away
The first thing you need to do in dealing with break ups is to accept it right away. It sucks. You got dumped. You thought you were going to be with this woman for longer. Maybe you simped out in your head about your future together. Now you’re feeling loss because that future is destroyed.
Slap yourself real quick. That future was just your imagination. Whether it would’ve happened or another one is up to how life plays out. Stop thinking that the future with her what’ve happened. If it did, it probably wouldn’t be so perfect like you’re imagining.
Don’t get caught up in thinking how to get back together. That’s going to hold you back. Learning how to deal with a break up for a man can be tough, but it’s doable. However, you must accept the break up in its entirety. You two are broken up. She’s not your girl anymore. If you accept this and remind yourself of it, eventually your brain will program yourself to believe this. If you don’t accept the break up, then you’re always going to be thinking about “what if” in the back of your mind.
“What if I can get her back. Maybe there’s a way I can fix the mistakes I made.”
Stop those thoughts. Overanalyzing your mistakes will only make it worse. Even if you know now that you should’ve held masculine frame, lead the relationship, and checked her when you were supposed to, you can’t go back and fix it. She would need to come back to you. And while that’s possible, you shouldn’t be caught up in that hope. Chances are your ex girlfriend is already out sleeping with another man while you fantasize about your past relationship. Learn how to deal with a break up by accepting it as a reality. This is the first and most important step.
2. Do not look at her social media
If you use social media and you’re friends with her then do not look at her social media. Whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever. Should you block or remove her? If you keep seeing her content pop up and it bothers you then yes. Ideally you don’t see it and then you can even forget about her.
Regardless, you should only be using social media to post. Don’t spend time lurking on other people’s profiles. Post and get off. If you talk to friends or girls on it then that’s fine. However, don’t use that as an excuse to look at your exes profile. Dealing with break ups can be harder in today’s age with all of the social media and constant exposure to everyones best life. Use it to your advantage and post content and network. Don’t look at her social media. It will only hold you back.
And if you have any old pictures, delete them. It’s impossible to know how to deal with a break up as a man if you’re constantly looking at pictures of you and your ex. Delete them and stop putting images of her in front of your eyes.
3. Be physically active often
Being physical is key to keep your energy high. Dealing with break ups can be taxing on you mentally and emotionally. You need to do everything you can to move on and to keep your energy at solid levels. Having too low of energy levels can cause you to be bored and even in depressed states.
Lift weights 3-4 times a week. This will keep your strong, keep you going to the gym, and keep testosterone levels high. Meaning you’ll have more energy, you’ll feel better, and other women will find you attractive.
If you’ve always wanted to pick up a martial art like bjj, boxing, or muay thai, now is the perfect time to do it. These kind of martial arts with sparring will give you real self defense abilities, will keep you lean as hell, and will give you something to keep your mind off of your ex. Dealing with break ups is ways easier if you can find something else to progress towards. Martial arts are a great activity to start during this rough time.
4. Watch your alcohol or drug usage
Alcohol can be a slippery slope. Do not cope with the break up with drinking. Alcohol only will kill your frame and make you emotionally weak. You may feel good after a few drinks. But if you’re not careful, 1 or 2 drinks can turn into 5 or 6. The last thing you want to do is end up drunk calling the girl who dumped you. Even if you manage to avoid hitting her up, alcohol is still not going to be an aid in dealing with break ups. I’m not saying you can’t have a drink when you go out, but be careful that you don’t become reliant on it.
Don’t over drink when you go out, and limit the amount of times you drink per week. It’s very common for men who don’t know how to deal with a break up to start drinking at home every evening become a night time alcoholic. Avoid that trap and stay clear of alcohol, or at least be mindful of it.
5. Meet other women
Going monk mode is a solid option when first learning how to deal with a break up as a man. You can get a lot done and have time for yourself. That being said, at some point you need to move on and meet other women. Dating other women will give you more feminine energy back in your life.
You don’t need to jump into another relationship. However, meeting and dating other women will let you forget about your ex girlfriend who left you. Now you can date different women, have a good time, and get your confidence back. If you’re feeling down then this can be tough at first. It seems like all the women want you when you have a girlfriend and when you’re single it’s like they disappear. At least at first.
But if you’re stay consistent, start getting some dates, and start seeing more women, you’ll get your confidence back. This is essential. You’re probably not going to feel great for a while and that’s normal. But if you want to learn how to deal with a break up effectively then you need to realize that you need that confidence back. It’s okay if it’s not all there right away.
You’ve suffered a loss. That said, getting that confidence back as soon as possible is the goal. Because once you’re a confident motherfucker, then you’ll be able to move on. Meeting other women takes some effort, and you may feel out of it at first, but you need to do it. You’ll feel dumb for tripping over your ex once you start dating new women.
6. Meditation / Spiritual practice
Meditation is a practice I recommend all of you take up. If you have a religious or spiritual upbringing, now it a time to get back to your tradition. If you’re not spiritual and don’t want to be then that’s fine. Meditation by itself can still have great benefit to you. You’ll be able to focus on watching your thoughts come and realizing they’re not actually you. I’m a spiritual person myself, but even if you’re not, you can hear atheists like Sam Harris talk about meditation and why he’s such a big advocate for it.
7. Get back focused on your purpose
If you’ve already created a purpose for yourself then it’s time to get back into it. You need to double down on it. This it the reason you’ve created for your life. You can not only keep yourself busy but also re-find your sense of wonder and passion in your purpose.
If you don’t have a purpose, chances are you made your relationship your purpose. Which is probably why it failed, or at least one of the reasons. Don’t beat yourself up about. Now you know that a man needs to have a purpose. Take something you love / enjoy, something you’re good at or can get good at, and figure out how to make money with it.
If you’re good at something and it can provide value to others, then you can make money with it. Your purpose is what fuels you. If you’re a single man than a business is your ideal purpose. If you have kids then your purpose can be your business and taking care of your kids.
A man with a purpose can learn how to deal with a break up naturally because he’s focused on something he deems valuable. He’s progressing towards something he sees worthy of pursuing. This drowns away the effect of a break up.
Deal with break ups by moving on
It’s not fun to deal with break ups. Especially if you gave your heart to a woman and feel crushed. Find comfort in the fact that your feelings of pain, regret, and sadness will fade away. But only if you take the actions above. Don’t sulk or complain about her. Learning how to deal with a break up as a man is the same as dealing with any other loss. Accept that it happened, focus on the things that will move you forward in life, and don’t look back.