May 17

How to get a Girlfriend: Guide to get the Perfect Girl


How to get a Girlfriend

how to get a girlfriend

While a lot of guys want to get laid, I’d say a majority of guys just want to learn how to get a girlfriend.  I’m an experienced player, but I also had a girlfriend for 5 years at one point, and have been with plenty of women to know short-term and long-term game.

Right now in my life, I’m enjoying building my business and being a player.  But I realize many guys crave an intimate connection with one woman.

So this post is for all of you guys who want to just nail down how to get a girlfriend.

Too many men just into relationships without becoming a real man or knowing what they want in life.  Most guys don’t even get to the real reason of why they want a girlfriend in the first place.

I’m going to break down the process so you’ll know how do you get a girlfriend step by step.  First, there’s two pre-requisists.

Pre-Reqs before getting a girlfriend

  1. Become a player
  2. Get rid of the soul mate or “the one”

Why it’s important to become a player first

  • So you know what you like in women
  • Learn to tell what women are trustworthy, decent human beings, which ones aren’t
  • Women love trying to get a player into a relationship
  • Get a better idea of promiscuous women vs monogamous women
  • Able to tell which women are toxic and which ones are good girlfriend material
  • Get good at sex and conversation to keep your girlfriend addicted to you
  • Learn the nature of the game so you can tell when your girlfriend into or losing attraction
  • Have the confidence to recover after a break up
  • So you know even “good girls” can be freaky and mess around
  • You won’t be surprised when you find out your girlfriend used to be a freak
  • You’ll be able to tell the girls who are authentic and those who put on a show

Becoming player means you’ve fucking multiple women at the same time.

Players usually see a few regular girls and have new girls in the pipeline.  You don’t need to fuck hundreds of women, but at least 10-20 before getting into a relationship.  But even more is better.

This will help you to learn what you like in girls.

It will also help you understand the game and how to deal with women.

It’s all in the details

it's all in the details

Once you’re a player and have been with enough women, you’re able to pick up on small shit that you couldn’t before.

You can have a better idea of if a girl is genuine or a liar or if she’s toxic.  You’ll also have the experience to tell when women are still into and when they aren’t.

This is important for not just learning how to get a girlfriend, but also for the health of your relationship down the line.  Most importantly, you’ll have the confidence to know you can get other women.

There’s a high likelihood your relationship won’t work out.  If you haven’t fucked a decent amount of women before, you simply won’t be as confident that you can get back out there and succeed.

On the other hand, if you’ve fucked 20 or more women before this one, then you’ll know that you can get other women.  Doesn’t mean the break up will be easy.  However, the power to walk away is absolutely essential.

It will help your current relationship because you won’t be a bitch.  And it will actually help you when he relationship does finally end.

Get rid of the soul mate or “the one”

No girl is “the one”.

Your forefathers who had a wife for life didn’t stay together because they were meant to be.  Society used to look down on divorce.  Getting a divorce would put a woman to shame.  In many cases the church or local government wouldn’t even allow it.

And marriage wasn’t about love, it was about access to young women for the men and access to resources for the women.

Men were more masculine in general and the idea of “the one” hadn’t been enforced by Disney movies yet.

If you think any woman is special or “the one”, then you’ll pedestalize her by default.  You’ll scare her away over time.  You want her to think you’re “the one”, but not the other way around.

It’s a sad, cold truth, but it’s real shit.

You can make a girl into a good girlfriend by being a masculine man and a strong leader.  However, turning a hoe into a housewife is another story and not recommended.

Identifying what traits you like in a woman, and then screening for girls that are good girlfriend material is a much better option.

Step 1 – Find the answer to “Why do you want a girlfriend?”

perfect relationship

You know the traits of what your ideal girlfriend is like, right?  After all you it’s probably good know why you want to figure out how to get a girlfriend in the first place.

If not, it’s important to recognize this as well.  At the end of the day, it’s useless to learn how to get a girlfriend if you don’t have reasons why you want one.

It could be one main reason, or a number of reasons, like:

  • Having more intimate affection and connection
  • Finding a suitable girl to have kids with, without getting married
  • Learning relationship skills and how women work on a deeper level

These are good reasons to learn how to get a girlfriend.  Some bad reasons are:

  • You’re lonely as fuck, want someone around
  • Don’t get much attention from women right now and you want a steady source of sex
  • Pressures from family or friends to get a girlfriend
  • Pressures from a girl you’re seeing to get into a relationship (though you do want her to want it first, more on that later)

Needs to be for the right reason

If you want to figure out how to get a girlfriend then you need to make sure it’s for the right reason.  It’s fine if you want a deeper connection with a particular women.  But if you’re desperate for female attention or are desperate for sex, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.

I’ve had guys tell me “I need a girlfriend, what’s the easiest way to get one?”

And that’s really, really bad.

If you’re getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons then you’re going to be weak.  Your girlfriend will eventually lose respect for you, and you’ll lose respect for yourself.  That’s even if you get a girlfriend in the first place.

Being desperate for pussy is a bad reason to want to get a girlfriend.  Sex will eventually die down, and your thirstiness will cause her to give you less and less.  If you want to figure out how to get a girlfriend to please your parents or fit in, then  you’ll also be unhappy.

Living for the approval of others is a very unsatisfying pursuit.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a special girl in your life.  But it has to be something you want, that will add value to your life, and something you don’t need.

Something you want, not something you need

Think about that.  Something you want, but not something you need.

If you need a girlfriend, you’ll settle for a bad one, you’ll have no power, and you’re fucked.  It will eventually lead to a bad break up for you, or worse so, a bad marriage/shitty divorce.

However, if it’s something you want, but not something you need, you’re in a much stronger position.

You need to know how to get chicks in general before you get a girlfriend.  I have plenty of articles on how to pull chicks, how to flirt with a girl, how to get laid on the first date, and so on.  Getting laid with new chicks can get old while, but you still need a foundation as a player so you don’t get burned in a relationship.

Step 2 – Identify the traits you want a girlfriend

traits in a girlfriend

If you were going into a business, you’d do research right?  Like if there’s demand for your service/product, what’s your go to market strategy, how you’re selling, pricing, how quickly can you generate revenue, etc.

In a relationship, you should also do some research.  You should know what type of traits you want in a girlfriend from your experience as a player.

This is why becoming a player and getting rid of “the one” concept are pre-requisits before I teach you how to get a girlfriend.

So the first actionable step in how to get a girlfriend is to identify the traits you want your girlfriend to have.  Don’t go into this blind, just like you wouldn’t go into a business blind.

Your life is like a business, and your relationships, whether with multiple girls or one, should benefit you and the other parties.

Potential traits to look for

Some traits I like in potential girlfriends:

  • Beautiful/hot, in both body and face
  • Submissive, likes to take my lead
  • Willing to do clean/cook
  • Has a job/career, but not a go-getter
  • Low promiscuity
  • Comes from a good background
  • Potential to empower by goals and objectives

If you’re an all around alpha male by definition, in your work, relationships, and physicality, then you’re probably have similar traits you want.

Every man is different, and accordingly you need to decide on what you want in a potential girlfriend.  This is one of the most important steps to getting a girl that you’ll actually enjoy.  Don’t just got for the hottest girl you can sleep with.

Step 3 – Get a few candidates lined up

You should be fucking multiple women as being a player is a requirement for how to get a girlfriend.

The main reason why is you want options.  Your list of traits is like a checkbox.  The key to how to find a girlfriend that meets all of your desired traits is to have a pipeline of women.

This way you can compare each girl to your checklist, and if they don’t meet the requirements, then you can’t consider them as a girlfriend.

Sticking to your list is essential

list of traits

Don’t go back on it or make exceptions.  I’ve made the mistake myself of making exceptions, even just slight ones.  I’ve always regretted that because the one or two traits I didn’t like showed up to bite me in the ass.

Creating your list of traits will help you weed out the girls that are incompatible with what you want in a female companion.

So out of the girls you’re fucking and seeing, start to weed out the obvious no fits.  Of course, you can still keep fucking them for fun for the time being.

On the other hand, you’ll want to start filling your pipeline with girls who look like they fit your criteria.  Then you’ll want to get 3 to 5 that really seem like they fit it well.

Step 4 – Filter for incompatible traits

how to get a girlfriend - filtering

Rule them out when you start to see a trait you don’t like or they lack something you want.

It may seem ruthless and that’s because it is.  If the girl isn’t your girlfriend and you can already find something that’s incompatible then that’s only going to be bigger issue down the road.

She doesn’t have to be a perfect 10.  But if she is argumentative or not submissive, and you want a submissive girl, then she simply can’t be an option.  Even smaller things like coming from a good background or family is important.

I’ve ruled that out because I thought it was unfair to the girls, especially if they had made a life out of nothing.

But women have a tougher time overcoming emotional turmoil than men, especially when it comes to family problems.

I have male friends that have gotten over not having a parent in their life or an absuvie situation.

I’m sure there are women who have as well.  However, I’ve noticed deep things like that are a constant struggle for women versus men.

This is only on average, and there are definitely men who are held back by shit.  In fact, that’s why I even have this website is because so many men didn’t learn this shit from their dads or older brothers.


Something that comes up is promiscuity.  Most girls aren’t virgins in today’s America.  You don’t need her to be a virgin, although the lower her fuck count the better.

In fact, you’ll never know for sure her true number.

You don’t need to know what it is exactly, but you need to trust your instincts.

If she took a few dates to sleep with you and even then seemed reserved, then she’s likely not very promiscuous (given you’re not waving money around and she’s under 30).

On the other hand, if she was trying to hop on your dick before your first meet up was even over then you can probably assume she’s been with a number of dudes.

It’s not something you should obsess about.  You’ll never really know and you shouldn’t ask, it’s a weak question.

However, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t matter.  Use your own judgement.  Being a player will definitely help you with this.

Be completely ruthless with your list of traits.  This is your life.

A girlfriend you date for even 2 years is more than 2% of your life if you life an average lifespan.

Make the shit as least stressful as possible.

Step 5 – See them for at least 4-6 months before committing

see a woman for 4-6 months

In your assessment of how to get a girlfriend you need to value patience.  Jumping into a relationship too soon means that you’ll lose the ability to properly screen out the bad qualities.

I recommend waiting at least 4 to 6 months of seeing a girl before allowing her to be your girlfriend.

In fact, more time like 6 to 8 months would be even better.

Besides bad traits, you want to make sure she’s not putting on a front.  Many girls, and guys to, will put on a front in order to get something they want.  Men do this to get sex, and women do this to get relationships.

Can’t lie forever

You can put on a front for a month, maybe two, and if you really try even three months.  But the vast majority of people can’t put on a front for much longer than that.

4 to 6 months isn’t enough time to really get to know someone, there’s always although shit that can come out later.

However, it’s usually enough time for you to filter for the bad traits and see if your potential girlfriend changes.  If she starts to act a lot different after the first month or two of you two seeing each, then run the other way fast.

Unfortunately, it’s very common for women to act differently with guys in the hopes of landing a potential boyfriend or husband.

Nonetheless, nobody can keep up a fake personality forever.

Waiting 4 to 6 months will remove most of the fakes from your potential girlfriend list.  I should warn you, if you’re dealing with a true borderline girl, then this could be different story.

Step 6 – Wait for her to ask about the relationship

how to get a girlfriend - wait for her to ask

Remember earlier when I said you shouldn’t need a relationship?

Well, now this is why I said that.  You want her to ask about the relationship.

As a dominant man, you need to have the power in the relationship.  It’s a common saying is that the person who cares less has more power.  And it’s dead on.

It’s also true that how you start is how you finish.

If she’s the one asking about the relationship then that means she wants it more.  On the other hand, if you ask about ti first, it means you want it more.

Men can be attracted to women who like them more compared to how much he likes her.  Women aren’t the same way.  She needs to be more attracted to you, otherwise her interest in you will eventually fade.

This starts from the very beginning of the relationship.  Yes, you’re reading this article because you want to learn how to get a girlfriend.  That’s fine, wanting to date her is all good.  It’s just that she has to want it more.

And if you have to let her want it more.  So many guys are so desperate to jump into things they don’t let women fantasize about you.  That applies to both sex and relationships.

Step 7 – Set your own terms

contract in relationship

The moment is here.

You’ve been following all my steps on how to get a girlfriend.  You have a girl that meets all your desired traits.  She has been asking about a relationship and it’s something you’d like to pursue.

You need to run your relationship like a business.  Which means you need to set terms for the relationship.

Now, I assume you’re not getting married, and this is just a relationship.  You should’t need any formal paperwork (the picture above is just to illustrate a point), but you need to get her to agree to your terms.

You can say something like

  • “yea, I think having you as a girlfriend would be great and I think we’re a good match.  I have a few things I want to agree upon first t make sure we’re on the same page…”

And then you can tell her about your terms.

Setting the stage

setting the stage for the relationship

Part of this is to get her used to you setting the stage.

You should already be a leader with her, even if you were just fuck buddies before.  This is the next step of asserting what you want and making sure she’s onboard.

It’s also the most humane thing for both of you.

You’re being clear about what you want in a girlfriend so she’s not in the dark.  If she breaks any of your terms later on, you can point back to what you two agreed upon.

Not that she’ll be happy about it, but you’ll have a solid foundation to know went keep the relationship going and when to break it off.

Your life, your terms

Your own terms are up to you.

A few terms I would make clear if I was considering a relationship

  • “my business is where I spend most of my time, you have to understand that I’m loser focused on that”
  • “I value respect and clarity, which I’m sure you do as well.  Honesty is important to me.  If you’re not feeling it later on, I’d rather have you tell me than drag the relationship out.  If I feel like things aren’t working out, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
  • “It’s important that we still have our own lives and feel like we don’t have to give up our friends, goals, and hobbies we enjoy”
  • “I don’t have time for unnecessary drama in my life, just like you.  If there becomes any drama when it’s not needed, that will be enough to end the relationship”

You can use these if they reflect how you feel.  It’s best to come up with your own that speak true to what you want.

For me, no drama is key

I’m too busy trying to make big things happen to have drama in my life.  Truth is all girls will come with a little drama.  But this little warning is to weed out any potential drama queens.

And if she turns out to be a drama queen  later on, you won’t feel guilty for ending things.

Figuring out how to get a girlfriend doesn’t end when you find the potential girl.  You really need to make sure you enter the relationship on your own terms.

Step 8 – Keep the relationship alive

getting a girlfriend - keeping the relationship alive

Alright, game over, right?  Hell no!

The game never ends.

Once you’re in a relationship this is just the beginning.  I personally think being in a relationship takes more effort than being a player.

When you’re a player you can just cut girls off.  You can do that with your girlfriend, but you won’t be in a relationship for very long.

You’ll likely have to end the relationship at some point.  But until then you need to keep the relationship alive and moving forward if you want to be happy.

The relationship is failing the second it starts falling behind or even going neutral.

There’s only progression or digression

This applies to life, business and especially women.  With a business, you can use pure will power to being the business back to progress.  This is much harder to do with a relationship.

So your goal is to keep the spark between you and her alive.  Even as infatuation starts to fade, you need to make sure she’s still in love with you and never bored.

A few ways to do this:

  • Get her to do things for you
  • Stay busy, don’t always be available
  • Be amazing in the bedroom
  • Do fun things outside of the bedroom
  • Don’t come onto her all the time
  • Keep lifting weights and stay in shape
  • Have your business be your number 1 priority
  • Stay leveling up in life

I’m an empathetic guy.  I like to do shit myself.  But learning how to get a girlfriend should also include some basic info on how to keep one.

Getting your girlfriend to do stuff for you is essential.  This keeps you being high value.  It also makes sure she’s invested.  The more someone does things for you, the more they’re invested.  People don’t like wasting their investments.

Whether it’s getting her to clean your apartment, making you dinner, or just getting you a cup of water.  You want her to do stuff for you so she’s invested.

Good sex and unavailability

good sex

Sex is also very important in keeping the relationship alive.  You need to fuck the shit out of her and also make love to her.  It’s your job to make her cum if you want her to stay addicted to you.

At the same time, you can’t be thirsty for sex.  You have to get used to not always coming onto your girlfriend.  This is a balance between going for sex and not going for it.  The best way to do this is to stay busy.  Work late on your business a few days of the week.  Or spend some time with the boys.  You’re unavailability will keep her sexually interested in you.

Then when you do spend some alone time she’ll want to fuck.  If you’re always around and you’re always trying to fuck then she’ll get bored.

You have to show that you’re busy so she needs to take advantage of your time when she can.

And when you do have sex, make sure you know how to have sex the right way to get her addicted to you.  If you can get a girl to become addicted to you sexually, then you’re way beyond learning how to make a girl like you enough to just date you.  Giving her amazing sex consistently, combined with being a busy man, will cause your girlfriend to be completely in love with you.

Do things outside of the bedroom

Although you’re busy with your business and friends, and fucking her, make time once in a while to do something outside of the bedroom.

You don’t need to spend a lot money to have a good tine.  In fact you’ll regret spending a lot of money when you guys break up.

Go out dancing, go to cheap bars, or make drinks at home.  Go on a mini date once a week or once every two weeks.

Girls want to go out and do shit

How to get a girlfriend and keep her involves doing shit with her form time to time.  This will also help to build playfulness.  It’s important to still flirt and be playful with your girlfriend.

When you go out to a cheap bar, it’s like you’re going on a mini date.  Romance is important in relationships.  Most guys over do it by trying to buy expensive shit or hanging out everyday of the week.

The right frame is to be busy and be unavailable but when you do have some time, the two of you can laugh and have fun.

She’ll associate you with good times and escape from the other shit in her life.

Always leveling up

how to be a man - have purpose

Girls want guys that are winners.  Leveling up in all areas is a great way to learn how to get a girlfriend.

The same is true once you have her.  She didn’t get with you just because of how are you now, but also your potential.

She wants a man who is constantly improving and getting better.  Because women want a man who is more valuable in them.  If you do nothing to get better, she’ll see your value go down and she’ll want to upgrade eventually.

Whether or not you have a girlfriend you should focus on leveling up financially, with your body + health, style, and so on.

Way too many guys get complacent and think they can take it easy once they’re in a relationship.

If you want to be successful in life then you should ditch this attitude.  But even if you just want your relationship to get better you should always be leveling up.  It’s crucial if you want your girlfriend to continue to be attracted to you.

Step 9 – Don’t give up your career, aspirations, and friends for your girlfriend

career and aspirations

Don’t give up anything major for your girlfriend.  She’ll always be trying to fight for your time.  If you give her that, you’ll lose her, and you’ll lose what you gave up.  The most important thing in your life should be the purpose you created for yourself.

Ideally, that purpose is your business.  But whatever it is, even if it’s a different career, it has to be your #1 priority.

Don’t give it up just to learn how to get a girlfriend or once even you have her.  The reason she liked you in the first place wasn’t because you gave up everything for her.  It’s because you’re a winner.  And you need to keep on winning.

Keep your purpose / career as #1.  It will

  1. Increase the chance of your girlfriend wanting to stay with you over the long term (even if you think it won’t and if she complains about it)
  2. Keep your pockets full and give you the opportunity to be rich
  3. Never leave you or betray you, your purpose is your purpose
  4. Elevate your sexual market value and will help attract other women
  5. Keep you busy if you two break up
  6. Giv you real meaning for the rest of your life

If you want to know how to make girls obsess over you, then you need to focus on your purpose first.  Women love an ambitious man who doesn’t put her at the top of this list.  And same goes with your girlfriend.  You still need to spend some time with her of course, but make it about quality, not quantity.

Step 10 – Always be ready to walk away

man walking away

It’s ironic, but knowing how to get a girlfriend also means knowing when to walk away.

And you always need to be ready to walk away.

Things can take a turn for the worse a few months or a few years down the line.  The ability to walk away will keep her accountable to your standards.  If you lose the ability to walk away, then she’ll be able to walk over you.

Having the willpower to end the relationship when needed will actually make the relationship better.

This will be easier if you listened to the advice about and have been constantly increasing your sexual market value.  When you’re earning more money, have more ambition, style, and stay in great shape it’ll be much easier to walk away.

You’ll probably have to at some point 

And of course, you will likely have to actually walk away at some point.  Some relationships last for life nowadays.  But the vast majority don’t.

Don’t deny this fact when you have a girlfriend or trying to still figure out how to get a girlfriend.

Accepting it will make life that much easier.

Our culture has changed and it’s more socially acceptable to have multiple short term relationships instead of one long term one.

A lot of guys moan and complain about that.

At the end of the day, it is what it is.  You can accept it and take advantage of it or complain and get played.

Be optimistic about your future.  It will be amazing with or without any specific person in your life.  If you have this outlook then you’ll try to have the best relationship possible but you’ll also be open to ending it when it’s time.

Common mistakes guys make when trying to get a girlfriend

Guys make a lot of mistakes when trying to figure out how to get a girlfriend.

If you follow the steps above then you’ll be good to go.  But no one is perfect and will follow them exactly.  That’s why I want to highlight the most common mistakes so you can avoid these.

And if worst comes to worst, you’ll at least be able to see these situations begin to manifest before they get worse.

Mistake 1 – Not filtering well enough, or not filtering at all

red flags relationship

Most guys don’t look for red flags.  And if they see something they don’t like they tend to ignore it.

But so many guys don’t even have things they’d consider to be red flags.  You have to make a list, whether you right it down, type it, or just keep it mentally in your head.

Now, every single girl will probably show at least one red flag eventually.  There’s no such thing as a unicorn.

However, you should have a few major red flags that if she shows then it’s an automatic no.

Then you can have a bunch of minor red flags.  She can have one or two of the minor ones, but if there’s more than three or four it’s still a no go.  That being said, a few of the minor ones, like snooping through your phone, are still deal breakers for me.

Learning how to get a girlfriend – Example Red flags


  1. High number of sex partners before you (anything over 10 is risky, but definitely anything over 20 is a no-go.  Close to virgin as possible, although not realistic)
  2. Borderline personality disorder, bipolar, or any other related mental illness

Minor – but still very important, just not AS serious as the above two

  1. She’s big on social issues or politics, especially if her views are different
  2. Goes through your phone without permission
  3. Tries to withhold sex, especially to get you to do something (set her in her place for this one and tell her you won’t tolerate this)
  4. Doesn’t bring anything to the table besides sex (get her to do stuff or cut it off)
  5. Challenges your leadership constantly (time to time is normal, all the time is not)
  6. She’s a drama queen (set her straight, some women can improve but most won’t)

It’s true you can never know her true number of sex partners.  But being a player before you two date will help give you the instinct to guess.

A promiscuous girl can fool a nice guy she’s a good girl, and while she can fool a player, the charade can’t last forever.

Less than 10 is ideal, over 30 is a NO GO

less than 30

If she’s fucked over 30 guys, there’s a certain vibe she gives off.

If she’s let over 30 different dicks in her then she simply likes to fuck around or she has issues.

Plus you can come across as nonjudgmental if you have power over your emotional intelligence.  Most girls will give you a more realistic number if they think you won’t judge them for it.  But usually that will come out after knowing her for a few months.

I don’t hate promiscuous women.  In fact I get along with them very well.

But when you’re learning how to get a girlfriend, it’s important to get one with a low amount of partners.  They’re less likely to cheat on you or break up and be fucking a new guy the same night.

There’s never guarantees, but it’s about getting the best chance for yourself.

The first two major red flags are deal breakers period.

The rest of the minor red flags above are still deal breakers for me.  However, you can decide what is and what isn’t a deal breaker for you.

The more refined your red flag list is, the better quality you’ll get.  However, you’ll also reduce the number of candidates, and no perfect girl exists.

Mistake 2 – Not waiting long enough

don't waste time

Some of the red flags, or warning signs it won’t work out, won’t come out until 2 or 3 months of knowing a girl.

Most guys are too eager to wife the girl up instead of learning how to get a girlfriend the right way.

I see this a lot, especially if the girl is hot.  Even a lot of players will try and lock down a girl too soon if she’s really attractive.  And of course there are plenty of dudes doing this to average looking chicks too.

Either way it’s the wrong move.

That’s why I recommend waiting at least 4 to 6 months, and even longer is better.

Waiting will help to reveal her true personality.  If you jump into the relationship too soon then you will miss red flags because you didn’t give them enough time to surface.

You also want to make sure you’re not getting into the relationship because of infatuation.  Knowing how to get a girlfriend means involves having some self control.

Getting into a relationship after a month or two of knowing a girl means you’re infatuated.  She might have already revealed red flags or straight up told you bad things about her but you ignore these things.  You must let this honeymoon phase wear off.

Mistake 3 – Not Leading

be a leader

As a man, it’s your job to lead in the relationship.

No relationship is ever 50/50.  If you try and make it even, the woman will take control of it.

If she’s a dominant type of woman, she’ll be happy being the leader for a while.  Then you’ll be  a beta, and she’ll get bored of you.

Girls who are more submissive will resent you for making them lead.

Assuming you are a dominant man, having more masculine than feminine energy, then you need to lead.  It may be 80/20 or even 60/40 depending on your nature.

However, many men get lazy and don’t lead in their relationships.  It’s not enough to learn how to get a girlfriend and then do nothing.  Even if you filter for a high quality girl you’ll still have to lead.

In fact, you’ll have a lot of problems if you don’t.


Leading means a lot of things, but a few examples, as a leader you

  • Decide on how often you two hangout
  • Plan on what you two do majority of the time
  • Getting her to do things for you, like cooking, etc.
  • Call her out when she goes against your terms
  • Having your purpose as your number one priority in life

And so on.  Following these examples above will help.

But you’ll do better by developing yourself into a leader.  Make yourself into a leader and you won’t have to memorize doing specific things.

A true leader doesn’t have to worry about how to get a girlfriend because he’s too busy getting shit done.  I understand you’re likely not at that level right now and that’s fine.

Everything comes step by step.

However, when you’re trying to learn how to get a girlfriend and how to be a man, becoming a leader will make these things manifest effortlessly.

Mistake 4 – Putting her on the Pedestal 

woman walking over man

Many guys do this near the beginning of their relationships.  And even more do this as the relationship matures.

Not putting a girl on a pedestal is one of the keys to game.

Yet, so many guys throw this away when they’re trying to get a girlfriend and once they’re in relationships.

It’s always a mistake 

If you put your girlfriend on a pedestal, you’re making a grave mistake.  A massive mistake.

It’s difficult not to develop feelings for a girl you were willing to get into a relationship with.  And nothing wrong with thinking she’s a great girl and having feelings for her.

Nonetheless, putting her on a pedestal is always a bad idea.  The wrong move no matter what.  Too many guys either say that “she’s different” or don’t even realize they’re putting her on a pedestal.

It usually happen as the relationship progresses.  Even former players will forget about the abundance they once had and put all their eggs in one basket.  A lot of self development people will tell you otherwise and they’re wrong.  This is a tough world and if you aren’t prepared for the real possibility of your relationship ending then you’re being ignorant.

That’s why you need to guard your heart.  Even with a girlfriend.  Because the moment you don’t, you’ll pedestalize her.  Once you start pedestalizing her you’re on the path to a ruined relationship.

Women don’t want you to worship them

don't worship women

When you make her your everything, you’ll get nothing.

Her attraction to you will fade until she breaks up with you or starts cheating on you.

It’d be wrong for me to teach you how to get a girlfriend and then not tell you about the ugly truths.  The facts are that most guys pedestlize their girlfriends and the girl gets bored.

Again, it’s not to say that she can’t mean anything to you or that you can’t have love for her.  Loving a woman is a powerful thing.  But becoming obsessed with one, even your girlfriend, will make her obsessed with getting away from you.

Don’t make her your Purpose

To be completely honest, it’s hard to not want to give a girl your everything if you have no other girls and she’s the main reason for your existence.  That’s why it’s crucial to have a purpose that’s your number one priority.

As men, we must have a reason to be here in this life.

And your life purpose, your mission, can’t be to learn how to get a girlfriend or keep one girl.  It’s useful to know of course, after all I have content on it.  But your purpose needs to be your career, something you love, are good at, and can make money doing.

Mistake 5 – Staying in Bad Relationships

how to get a girlfriend - end bad relationships

The last mistake I’m going to mention is the biggest mistake men make when trying to figure out how to get a girlfriend and even more so how to keep her.

Which is not breaking it off when necessary.

Staying in bad relationships is one of the worst thing anyone can do.  So many people, men and women, stay in bad relationships because they’re too afraid to leave.

But in fact, women are actually usually able to end the relationships.  70% or so of divorces come from women, and I’d guess the number for break ups are even higher.

The reason is women’s sexual market value isn’t based upon their confidence or achievement, but their looks.  A depressed, sad girl can still attract successful men if she’s attractive.

On the other hand, a guy who’s depressed can and will fuck up with women, even if he’s decent looking or attractive.  Now I’m not saying attractive dudes can’t rebound quicker, but my point is men don’t do most of the breaking up.

Men stay in bad relationships too often

The biggest mistake isn’t messing up on any of the steps I listed to teach you how to get a girlfriend.  It’s too not break up with your current girlfriend when you need to.

Contrary to popular belief, men usually get more emotionally involved in their girlfriend.  This happens because men make their girl their purpose and fall off their path.

You can’t let this happen to you.  And if it does, establish your purpose.

Don’t stay in bad relationships  

The majority of guys know when it’s time to end the relationship.  They can see the signs, the constant fighting, the bickering, getting annoyed at everything their girlfriend does.  Or you see her being annoyed off you, which is even worse.

You simply need to end the relationship when it’s time.  No being friends or fuck buddies.

Accept the fact that she’ll be fucking and sucking other guys in a matter of time.

Breaking up

Count your blessings that you got out while you did.

If you’re reading this and you’ve never learned how to get a girlfriend then remember what I’m saying.  Reread this list as many times as you need.  When you are successful in getting a girl, come back here and look at the mistakes.  If you find yourself making them then take action.

Or maybe for whatever reason you already have a girlfriend and are still reading this.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking the hard part was pursing how to get a girlfriend and you can relax.

And don’t think that you’re never going to break up.

Most couples break up, and that’s normal in today’s society.  But it’s not something the modern man is usually ready for.  Especially if you dated for years, a break up can be emotionally devastating if you gave her your heart and fucked up.

Do what needs to be done

Most men I first ask

  • “how do you get a girlfriend”
  • and then after a few months or few years ask
  • “how do you get over an ex”
  • or
  • “how do break up with her her”.

Relationships usually end.  And when it’s finally time to break up, sack up and do what needs to be done.  It’s really not that hard to learn how to get a girlfriend.  It’s harder to break up and deal with that break up if you’re not prepared.

That’s why it’s critical you choose the right girl, lead the relationship, and are always ready to walk away.  If you caught oneitis, then you need to cure that so you can effectively move on with your life.  The best way to get a girlfriend is to follow the steps I’ve outlined to the dot and listen to your gut.

And if you haven’t had much experience with women, then go get more experience before jumping into a relationship.

Not hard to get a girlfriend, but you need to be selective 

At the end of the day, it’s not hard to find out how to get a girl to date you.  Girls are the ones who want relationships.

But you need to be selective in who you exclusively date, and always be ready for things to end.  Then you’ll get the most out of your relationships and minimize any suffering.  It’s not just about learning how to get a girlfriend who you like for a few months.  Instead it’s about how do you get a girlfriend who will add value to your life and who fits the mold of what you want in a relationship.  Look back on past relationships with happiness instead of regret.


getting a girlfriend, girlfriend, how to get a girlfriend, soulmate, the one

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