March 14

How to get Over an Ex: 10 Steps for Finally Getting Over an Ex


How to get Over an Ex: 10 Steps for Finally Getting Over an ex

How to get over an ex

Learning how to get over a break up can be one of the hardest things for anyone to do in life.  When a girl was your whole world, getting over an ex can take a seemingly herculean effort.  The vast majority of us will have relationships.  And that means we’ll also need to be able to move on from women when we break things off.

Coming from the guy who taught you how to get a girlfriend, this is a necessary follow on.  Because as nice or amazing as relationships with women cab be, nothing lasts forever.  Sooner or later, the you’ll find yourself in some kind of break up.  Even if you know it’s likely to happen, you probably didn’t expect it and you’re in a world of pain.

Breaking up and getting over an ex can be extremely difficult.  This is especially true if you dated her for a long time.  It’s like you’re starting life over again.  But you need to figure how to get over a break up and push through this.  Otherwise you’re going to live life in the past and will never be able to recover.  You’ve seen it before.  Men who never get over an ex girlfriend, who never date again, downgrade big time, or the worst… is when a man commits suicide over break ups.  Women can suffer from bad break ups as well, and there are some female suicides that stem from break ups, but they generally are able to recover quicker than men.

It’s not impossible to get over an ex

There are so many men who just fell like getting over an ex isn’t possible.  Hopefully that’s not you.  But even if it’s not, it’s not easy to do.

That’s why I’m writing this.  So you can have a guide to learn how to get over an ex and move on.  I won’t promise it will be easy or that you’ll know how to get over an ex fast.  But I will teach you how to get over your ex fast compared to the alternative path, which is never moving on.  It will take time.  But if you follow the steps and stick to it, you can recover much quicker than you would’ve otherwise.  You can become more powerful, happier, and have a better life.

Getting over an ex, especially after a rough break up, means that you need to make decisions that will help you to do so.  Father time is supposed to heal all wounds.  However, you need to take action in making sure that you not just learn how to get over an ex, but that you’re able to do so and thrive.

The 10 steps need to know how to get over an ex

  1. Analyze the situation
  2. Grieve
  3. Acceptance
  4. No Contact
  5. Increase your sexual market value
  6. Sleep with other women
  7. Create a rotation and team
  8. Focus on your purpose and career
  9. Get a new hobby and create new associations
  10. Build up a social circle

1. Analyze the situation

The first step is the analyze the situation.  I’m assuming you’re the one who got dumped since you’re reading this.  Plus, in most cases, the woman is breaking up with the man.  But either way, you need to analyze what went wrong.

Not necessarily because you should go back and fix it.  But most men are analytical.  If you don’t take any time to think about it, then you won’t learn from your mistakes.  And even worse, a lack of analyzing can lead to false regret later on.  Moving on without putting some basic thought into what happened will cause your brain to glorify the relationship a few months from now and can cause you to become desperate.

That’s why analyzing the situation for what truly happened is critical for any man figuring out how to get over a break up.

Now, I must add that you need to give yourself a time limit on analyzing.  Give yourself a few days to analyze the situation. Think about went wrong.  What mistakes did you make?  You likely:

or so on.  No need to beat yourself up on it.  No one is perfect, and it’s possible for your game to slip in a long term relationship, be it you stopped leading, slacked off in the bedroom, or didn’t balance purpose and relationship.

Don’t think that correcting it and blowing up her phone telling her you’re better now is going to do anything.  You’re not figuring out your mistake in order to try and get her back.  You’re analyzing the situation so you can learn what mistake to avoid in the future.

2. Grieve

Getting Over an Ex, grieve

Too many men go out and party, and then go back and look at pictures, miss their ex, and feel like calling her again.  If you’ve never gone though a bad break up before, the learning how to get over an ex is a new experience.

If you were together for number of years, then think about some of the good times you had.  And then think of the bad times you had so you don’t cloud your judgment.

Find any pictures you have, enjoy them for a second, and then delete them or rip them up.  It may be hard for you to do this, but it’s much better to grieve now then later.  Don’t grieve to her, or out in public.  It’s best to do this by yourself.  You have emotions, if you’re a masculine man.  It’s not about denying them.  But showing them to the public will show weakness, validate her, and lower your smv in the sexual market place.

Hopefully you’re not crying and being weak.  But if you’re that down in the dumps then at least make sure you’re not out shouting to the world about it.

3. Acceptance

Remember how I just said to delete any pics you two had off of your phone?  This is crucial.  Deleting them, or ripping them up, will help your brain to accept that the break up is real.  Getting over an ex requires that you accept that it’s over.

Lose any hope that you two are getting back together.  Ironically, this will help you get her back if you ever wanted to.  But even if you could, you should never go back to an ex.  It won’t be better, and in fact things will just be worse.

You must accept that the relationship is over.

It might suck.  It might make you depressed or give you a feeling of loneliness.  But it’s absolutely essential that you accept that it’s over.  If you don’t, and if you have a glimmer of hope that you two will still get back together, then you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Not accepting that it’s over for good will cause you to relapse later.  Meaning you might freak out and blow up her phone, ask her friends about her, or even just internally have a breakdown.  Accept that it’s over and that it will never work out.

Most men don’t do this.  They hold onto the some small burning hope that they’ll be together again.  And this it what holds them back from getting over an ex.  The quicker you’re able to accept that it’s over, the quicker you’ll determine how to get over an ex.

4. No Contact

she never texts first

No contact.  This means don’t text her, call her, ask anyone about her, or anything.  You don’t need to block her on social media, as long as you aren’t weak and avoid looking at her profiles.

But whatever you do, don’t contact her.  You won’t be able to be friends with her.  If you hold onto her for support, you’ll have a breakdown or feel like shit when you find out she’s sleeping with other men and sucking their dicks.  It’s much better to cut all contact.  If she does ever hit you up, the validation you get that she still wants you can actually help you move on.  So as long as you have self-control and won’t becoming buddies with her, you don’t need to block her.

However, you must cut contact.  If you have mutual friends and hang out with groups, you need to hang out separately or get new friends.  You two cannot live together after a break up.  One of you needs to move out if that’s the case.

Talking to her will only trick your brain into thinking you two are still together or there’s a chance for that.  Burn that possibility from your head and stop contacting her.

5. Increase your sexual market value

man working out, increasing smv

Alright, now things can finally start getting fun.  The first few steps are vital to beginning to process of learning how to get over an ex.  But they’re just setting the stage so you don’t stay in limbo.  Now you need to be proactive and step up your game.

Which start by increasing your sexual market value.  That’s made up of your looks, money, and status.  Forget about your game for a minute.  That’s important, but if you were a player then it shouldn’t take too long to get your game back.  And if you were a beta scrub before, that’s fine too.  You can learn how to be a player and manage casual relationships.

But focus on raising your smv first.

Chances are that you’re feeling like shit and your sexual market value has fallen a little bit.  Especially because you’re single now.  As a man with a girlfriend, especially if she’s hot and you get sex consistently, you’ll always have an abundance mindset. Which is why you’re never desperate for pussy and girls will give you more choosing signals.

However, right after a break up you’ve lost your one source of sex.  And girls can sense that on you.  Unless you’re very experienced in the game, your aura of abundance has disappeared.  Even the more experienced men will still have a slight drop in smv after a rough break up.

So you’re going to counter-act that by raising your smv as much as possible.  This will help you feel better about yourself and it will also cause more women to check you out.

Focus on looks

Increasing your sexual market value in the short term can be done quickly by focusing on your looks.  Particularly with your

  • Body – lifting in the gym and eating well
  • Style – buying new dress shirts, shoes, watches, etc.
  • Face – haircut, grooming of beard / facial hair

You obviously can’t control your natural face genetics.  But you can do a ton to increase your looks in a short amount of time.  If you’ve been slacking off in the gym, working hard a few times a week, combined with intermittent fasting + steak and eggs diet, can improve your body noticeably within 2 months.  If I add in an extra day of arms + shoulders a week (generally just do 2x full body exercises a week), I notice a more muscular appearance within 3-4 weeks.

That makes me look better and helps me to feel amazing.

You can also increase your style overnight.  I have a whole guide on men’s style.  But you’d be surprised how much easier getting over an ex can be if you bump up your style.  Get a nice watch or two, nice shoes, a well fitted shirt, with dark jeans, and you’ll start to have more girls check you out.

You’ll also feel much better about yourself, which girls can feel, and will also boost your sexual market value.

6. Sleep with other women

fuck more women like dan bilzerian

While working on increasing your value, it’s time to also start sleeping with more women.  Now some people say go fuck 10 other women and you’ll be over her.  I’ve found that it’s true to a degree.  Sleeping with more women will definitely help you move on.

But ideally you want to sleep with women that are on her level looks wise or better.  Not all of the women you sleep with need to be.  You’re probably rusty, so it’s okay to sleep with a few girls that you normally wouldn’t so you get back in the flow of the game.

Nevertheless, many guys aren’t able to figure out how to get over an ex because they think they can’t do better than her.  Which is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you were able to date + sleep with your ex, then you’re able to get girls that were attractive as her.  And once you do, you’ll feel better about it.

Part of moving on

Regardless, sleeping with more women, and working your way up to women that are on the same level or better looks wise, will definitely help you move on.  Increasing your smv, especially because you’re out of a relationship, is critical to attracting more women into your life, which is why I mention it first.

And how do you sleep with more women?  Well, hopefully you live in a city so you have good logistics.  If you don’t, then you should work on living in or at least near a city.  Cities have more people, and they have more women then the country.  Next, you need to go out.  Go out on Fridays and Saturdays.  Go to nightclubs, bars, or better yet learn how to dance and go to salsa/bachata clubs.

Create online dating profiles and meet girls online as well.  Leverage nightlife and online dating so you build up a solid pipeline of women who want to sleep with you.  This way you’ll have more options.  And the validation you get from having more women who want to sleep with you will also make you feel better.

7. Create a rotation and team

knowing if girl likes you, playing with hair

It’s understandable that you might want to be a playboy vs a player and pump + dump some girls.  You might just care about getting your notch count up after being held down for so long.  And that’s a valid way to begin getting over an ex.

But after a few one night stands, you should look to build a team.  This is the foundation of what a player does.  Pick up artists or random guys will just get their dick wet and then ignore girls again.  But they tend to get in droughts because of this behavior.

If a girl is below a 7, or you’re just not into her, then you can fuck her once.  But if a girl is an 8 or above in your book, the sex is good, and you enjoy her, then it’s a mistake to fuck + chuck.  Instead, keep her around.  Don’t get into a relationship with her. But keep her on your team for casual sex.  You can have her come over once a week (no more than that) for some fun. Once you have a few girls doing this, you have a team.

Players have a rotation of women on their team.  You still need to see new women, as some of the women you sleep with will burn out after a few months and they’ll need to be replaced.  Some will want a relationship out of you, others will settle for some other guy, or you might not like one after a while.

Consistent girls will give you an abundance mindset 

You’ll still go out and meet new women.  But it won’t be your sole focus.  You’ll spend some time with women you see casually, and then allocate other times to going out.  If your pimp game is strong, you might even instinctively have a girl come over on a Friday or Saturday afternoon for some sex before you go out.  Then she goes home, and when you go out in the night, you’ll already have an abundance mindset.

Learning how to get over an ex isn’t easy at first, but out gets way easier when you have a team of women.  They not only will give you consistent sex, but also feminine energy that you enjoy to counter your strong masculine energy.

It’s not easy to get a team going, especially when you’re getting over an ex and the break up is recent.  It might take a month, two, or even 3-4 months before you have a team of a few solid women.  While your ex girlfriend is able to go out and sleep with whoever she wants, things will be much harder for you, even if you’re a high smv man.  Just know that’s how the game is.  With patience and persistence, you’ll know how to get over an ex by getting into the game and having women on your team.  It won’t happen right away, but you’ll build momentum.

8. Focus on your purpose and career

man figuring out purpose

Once you’ve slept with a few new women and have a team, it’s time to shift your focus to your purpose.  You can still have women on your team and go out once or twice a week.  But your purpose is what is going to help you determine how to get over an ex once and for all.  The reason you’re having trouble getting over an ex in the first place is because you made a girl your world.  That’s how you got oneitis for her.

You made her your purpose. But that lead to your downfall.

Now it’s time to take back your manhood.  In the past, a man’s purpose was to hunt, fight, and survive. In today’s era, we can accomplish greater things since we have survival down.

Your purpose should be something that you

  • Love and are passionate about
  • Are skilled in, or can get skilled in
  • Can turn into a business and make money with it

Money and purpose

Passion and profit aren’t polar opposites. In fact, you should make money doing what you love.  And most likely, you’ll be helping other people too.  Because that’s what a business does.  It provides a product or service in exchange for money.

If you already know what your purpose is, then get to work and stop messing around.  On the flip side, if you’re unsure, then determine what kinds of things you like.  And then experiment a ton until you figure it out.

Creating a purpose for yourself will help you to build wealth in your 20’s, 30’s, and beyond, and maybe even make you rich. The ambition you have will be attractive to more women.  And the money + possible status you gain will also help your dating life a lot.  But having a purpose is more than just about knowing how to get over an ex.

It’s what’s going to give you meaning for the rest of your days on this earth.  Getting over an ex is just a small part of having a purpose.  I know that right now, learning how to get over an ex girlfriend is what’s on your mind.  So create a purpose even if it’s just to distract you.  Long term, you’ll realize the other massive benefits it will have on your life.

9. Get a new hobby and create new associations

salsa dancing - best places to meet women

When you’re starting a business, dating new women, and keeping your body in shape, it’s hard to find time for a new hobby. And you might not necessarily need one if you’re going all in on your purpose + becoming financially independent.

But if you have the time, then getting a new hobby is a great way to help you figure out how to get over an ex.  Whether it’s a martial art like brazilian jiu-jitsu, boxing, muay thai, or something like fixing cars or painting, a hobby is a great way to create new associations in your brain.

It not only adds to your character and makes you more interesting, but it’s freeing to do.  We sacrifice a lot to be in relationships and make a girl happy.  When we’re finally single, it can be freeing to try out something new.  So go out there and try different things that you always wanted to do.  You might even find something that can turn into your purpose or generate extra income.

Or maybe you learn how to dance and are able to increase your dating options because of it.  Either way, getting over an ex is easier when you make new associations and try out new things.

10. Build up a social circle

Finally, the last major step for learning how to get over an ex is to build up a social circle.  You likely had bros that you neglected to stopped hanging out with as much.  Reconnect with them. Go out with them to bars, clubs, and even just hang out with them separate of girls.

If you have no friends, or you’re in a new city, then joining a martial arts gym is a great way to meet cool dudes in your local area.

Women have very strong social circles.  Besides having more dating options, this is a big reason why they’re able to get over an ex boyfriend much easier than most men are able to move on from their exes.

You’re a man, and you don’t need the same level of social interaction that the average woman needs.  Nevertheless, you’re not as much of a robot as you might think.  You still need some human interaction.  Plus it feels good to have some bros to go out and make memories with.

Spurts of pain

how to get over an ex, spurts of pain

If you follow all of these steps, then you can figure out how to get over an ex in a much faster amount of time than if you sulked around.  That being said, it’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows.  If you dated a girl for a numbers of years then you should expect to feel spurts of pain or lows from time to time.

You might miss her, think about her, or remember a fun memory you two had together.  It’s normal to feel spurts of pain when you’re getting over an ex.  Don’t take this as a sign of weakness.  As long as you stick to the plan and don’t contact her, the you can stay strong.   It’s a part of the healing process.

Just as you might miss a relative or friend who died, you’ll probably have times where you miss your ex.  Accept that going into it, and don’t be surprised when it happens.  That way you won’t mistake your feeling of pain as a sign you should go back to her, which will cause you to relapse.

What to avoid

  • Contacting her
  • Looking at old photos after your grieving day
  • Fantasizing about a future together
  • Asking about her through friends / family
  • Stalking her on social media
  • Showing up to her work or home

These are all things you need to avoid when learning how to get over an ex girlfriend.  I covered contacting, photos, and social media already.  But I want to reiterate these ones, along with fantasizing about a future together + showing up unannounced.

In case you have second thoughts, let me be your higher self for a moment.  These are all bad ideas.  Especially fantasizing about a future together with her.  All you’re doing is getting your hopes up and slowing down the process of getting over an ex.

You need to avoid these behaviors at all costs.  It’s not going to work for you.  The movies you watched with the man showing up to the girls work or apartment and winning her back are NOT real life.  Take a look at this list again and write it down if you need to so you don’t mess up.

Biggest mistakes men make in getting over an ex

The three biggest mistakes men make with getting over an ex is

  1. Not guarding their heart from the get go
  2. Having hope for the future
  3. Forgetting they’re a man and need a purpose

Not guarding their heart

guard your heart - mac miller

You need to guard your heart in relationships. It will be difficult for you not to have any feelings for a girl you date long term. But you need to make sure she likes you more than you like her.  This will reduce the chance of her dumping you (which makes getting over her harder), and it will make the break up easier when it does happen.

People say not to guard your heart, but this should only be applied to love for your children and family.  With women, you should always guard your heart.  Life is not a Disney movie.  If you’ve taken the red pill, then you know about hypergamy and what failing to guard your heart will lead to.

A woman will want you to let your guard down.  And once you do, she’ll lose interest in you.  It won’t be long before she’s dumping your ass and you’re reading this article.

Having hope for the future

You’re probably sick of hearing this by now, because I talked about accepting the relationship as over and stop fantasizing about the future with her.  But almost half the messages I get from men come from break ups and them having some hope that it will work out with her.

It won’t work out.  On some chance that you get back with her, which you won’t in your current state, the relationship won’t last.  If you burn your hope for the future, then you’ll be able to move on.  Failing to do so will just hold you back like it does to the majority of men after a tough break up.

Forgetting they’re a man and purpose

You’re a man.  You have a penis.  A literal organ that erects and pushes out into the world.  As a man you can be a force of nature. Men have created societies, built the tallest building, invented airplanes, fought lions, and have traveled to the moon.

You’re over here crying about some girl that you caught oneitis for?  It’s time to man up.  There’s a time for grieving, a time for feeling pain, and a time for feeling bad about shit.  But at some point, it’s time to move on.

Getting over an Ex once and for all

Create a purpose for yourself.  Focus on increasing your net worth.  Increase your value and date other women.  It’s not easy figuring how to get over someone, let alone a girl you dated for a long time.  Well, it’s actually easy to figure out, but hard to execute on.

Be grateful that you didn’t get married and don’t have to deal with divorce rape.  You’re not financially devastated.

Do challenging things. A break up might hold you back for a little bit.  And then it should propel you forward like a rocket ship.  It’s not easy to learn how to get over an ex.  But if you step up and take action and follow these steps in order, then getting over an ex will happen is not only possible, but inevitable.


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