How to let her go
Figuring out how to let her go can be painfully difficult. Break ups, divorces, and all types of separations can be brutal on anyone. And this is just as true for men as it is for women. In fact, it’s harder for many men because the lack of support system.
Women have friends and tons of male attention to help them let go of you. A sad girl will still get tons of male attention, which helps to give her an abundance mentality. Most men don’t have girls lining up at their door. And if you aren’t a stud, or you got broken up with, then you’re not going to be as confident.
And unlike women, a man needs to be confident and feel good in order to succeed in the dating game.
It’s hard for everyone regardless. But I get a ton of emails from guys that pertain to them being stuck on their ex girlfriend or ex wife. There’s a lot of guys who don’t know how to let her go, whoever that girl is in their life.
Why you need to let her go
If you’re messed up over a girl, you need to let her go for your own happiness.
Holding on to her will do nothing for you. Even if you were to get her back in the future, you wouldn’t do that by being desperate and holding on to her. You’d do that by re-attracting her and getting her to want a relationship with you again. In order to do that, you’d need to let her go, boss up your life, and let her try and win you back.
I don’t even recommend that you necessarily get her back, in most cases it’s better to just get over your ex. But the point is that whether you want to have other women in your life or get her back, you need to learn how to let her go. This will free you from being tied down to the thought of owning her. Which in turn will let you live your best life.
I know it’s easier said then done, which is why I write articles like this and coach guys about situations in their lives.
Why it’s hard
So why is it so hard to let her go?
Well, before I tell you to be an alpha and man the fuck up, let’s realize that it’s normal for you to get attached to a girl you spend so much energy on.
It’s hard to let go of girls you’re attached to. You imagined a future with someone and you put your happiness into that one girl. You also just spent a lot of time with this girl. That’s why it’s hard to know how to let her go at first.
Many men get oneitis for a girl they’re with. They start to think they’re soulmates and destined to be together, through and through no matter what. Oneitis basically means that you get complete tunnel vision for this one girl. This leads to all sorts of problems, mainly a lack of leadership and a painful dose of weak man in the relationship. It’s fine to love a girl you’re with for years, but you need to keep perspective on relationships.
But even if you don’t have complete oneitis, it’s still difficult to let her go and move on when you spent so much time together. We naturally get comfortable when we’re in the same situation. And when you have consistent affection, sex, and companionship, your brain doesn’t want to get rid of that.
But even though it’s hard, you need to let her go so you can have the best life for yourself. Otherwise you’re going to be in a negative state. You won’t recover from this loss if you don’t make an active effort.
Whether you end up becoming a player and date a lot of women, get a new girlfriend, or even get her back, you need to move on. You won’t be able to have fun with new girls if you don’t let this girl go. You won’t even get her back if you can’t let her go, because you’ll be too caught up in her to let her see the value in you.
So let’s establish that no matter what, if you want to be in the best position to be happy and a leader, you need to move on and let her go.
Now that you’re at this point, things are easier. You just need to accept a few things.
In order to let her go and move on with your life, you need to accept that:
- It’s actually over with this girl
- You messed up by putting your happiness in a woman
- You’re able to feel this way about other women, although you should guard your heart
- It’s time to meet other girls and/or focus on your business
1. It’s actually over with this girl
Things are done with her. If you can accept that things are actually over with this girl, then you’ll know how to let her go. This is the #1 thing most men just won’t do. It will just happen. You won’t stay up late waiting for her to text you. You won’t stalk her Instagram and see her new followers or what she liked. And you’ll stop yourself from fantasizing about dating her or fucking her.
Because you know things are actually over. Even if you got her back, it’d need to be on different terms. But you aren’t focused on that right now.
Holding onto the hope of “maybe” getting her back will fuck things up for yourself moving on.
Once you accept that it’s actually over with her, letting her go and making the most of your life is the natural step you’ll take.
Most men just won’t let things go. They’ll hold on to the 2% chance of winning her back or want to come up with some strategy. In reality, this is all weakness and beta thinking.
You need to move the fuck on. Not just with new women, although that will help. But you also need to do other things. Act like the relationship really is over for real, and you’ll be surprised at your own ability to be free from the past.
2. You messed up by putting your happiness in a woman
We’re not here to harp on the past. However, we need to learn from our mistakes. And if you’re in this position, then you messed up by putting your happiness in a woman. It’s fine, every guy does it as some point in his life.
But you need to realize that was a mistake. A woman can be part of your happiness. But she can’t be the whole thing. That focus on one thing should be devoted to your purpose. The woman or women in your life can be a part of your joy, but your purpose is your number one – besides kids if you have any.
You need to spread out in terms of things that make you happy. There’s your business, your family/friends, hobbies, and women. That way when you lose a relationship, there will be some pain, but it’s not the end of your world.
3. You’re able to feel this way about other women
Although you should guard your heart so no one throws you off your path.
Something that you need to accept is that you can feel this way about other women. Meaning you can feel the joy of loving another woman and the heart break of losing another.
While you should guard your heart to a greater degree in the future, this fact can be reassuring. You know that while you had something nice, it was in no way once in a lifetime. You can feel love and affection for other women.
4. It’s time to meet other girls and/or focus on your business
And other women can feel affection and love for you. The fear of no options scares many men away from moving on and letting her go. Guys think they got lucky and don’t want to lose this girl. They don’t think they can do better. But if you got a girl like that before, you can do it again. In fact you can do better.
Learning how to let her go happens naturally if you make an effort to do other things in your life. The biggest things you should be doing are meeting other girls and focusing on your business. If you’ve already dated a lot of women, you may find more value in focusing more on getting financially free or your business ventures.
On the flip side, if you don’t have much experience dating a lot of women, it’s probably a better time for you to get out there and have some fun.
Most men don’t let women go
Even after they lose them, way too many guys have false hope about one day the girl coming back. Ironically this murders his chances of ever getting her back, and it leaves him stuck. He’s unable to move on with his life, which keeps him focused on her.
And this proves to your ex that she made the right choice. Because she’ll see you’re a loser and need her to be happy. Which means you’re not a high value man.
Women want strong men who live lives independently of them.
Become that strong man. Not to get her back, but so you can live your best life and move on. Lift weights, get your style up, build streams of passive income, and make yourself into the man you want to be. Flirt with other women, become a beast in the bedroom, travel, do the things you’ve always wanted to.
You can even leverage social media to show off your life and get new girls interested in you, while creating opportunities for yourself in the game and socially. Learning how to let her go isn’t rocket science. It just takes accepting the reality of the situation and being a man about it.