How to start a conversation with a girl

If you’re dating in 2020, you must know how to start a conversation with a girl on text.  If you can start off a conversation well, then you have a better chance at whatever your desired outcome is.  For men on this website, that can vary, but it’s going to be dating of some sort.

The point of learning how to start a conversation with a girl is to meet up and not actually text forever.

Whether it’s a casual relationship or you want her to be the mother of your 5 kids, it’s essential you can at least begin to talk with her in order to get anywhere.

And in today’s texting and online era, it’s not just enough to go up to a girl and say what’s up.  I mean that works of course. I actually tell you to do that in person.

Texting is the norm

But many of the conversations you have do’t be in person.  With smartphones everywhere – 86% of millennials have smartphones – texting a girl you met to make plans for later is the status quo.

How to start a conversation with a girl on text

Knowing how to start a conversation with a girl on text depends on the situation.  And while there’s lots of situations, the two main ones are

• Girl you just met
• Girl you’ve already been dating

For those of you with girlfriends or wives, you should know how to text your woman.  It’s not a big deal, text throughout the day to communicate, flirt a bit, and manage any logistics.

But a few quick tips for guys in relationships

Don’t text them all day long everyday.  Send a text once in a while to check in.  And send a flirty text to them once in a while as well.

They should be initiating contact with you just as much if not more.  Don’t get too caught up in whose texting each other first all the time, just as long as it’s mainly even or so.  Besides that, use texting just as a tool to coordinate meeting up with them, scheduling, things like that.  You want to keep texts to a minimum and let her miss you.  Because you’re going to see each other a lot in real life, so you want to give space in between that.

Girl you just met 

You got her number so you can hang out.  There’s an infinite amount of ways for how to start a conversation with a girl over text that you’re trying to get at.  But most of them aren’t optimal.

Ideally, you should wait at least a few days before texting her.

And when you do, keep in mind the goal.  Which is to make a time for you two to hang out.  It’s not to text back and forth all day.  One because you’re a man and your time is valuable.  And two because she’ll lose interest and will see you as lower value.  Which increases the chances she flakes or tries to friend zone you.

With the goal in mind, keep it short and sweet.

• “Hey ____, was cool to meet you.  Let’s get a drink sometime, when are you usually free?”
• “It’s the guy who can dance (or inset inside joke from when you met here).  Let’s get drinks, when are you usually free?”

Nothing crazy.  The point is to keep it casual and quick.  If she’s interested at all in you, she’ll let you know some availability and then you can say a time that works for you.

I prefer this to saying “you free Wednesday” or whenever, because if she’s not, then you have to adjust your schedule to hers.  This way she’ll give you her availability and then you have a higher chance of making plans in a shorter amount of texts.

Girl you’ve already been dating

Now if you’ve already been dating a girl, then starting a conversation should be really simple.  Your goal here is to just schedule the next time for her to come over or you two go out.

If you just met her once, you can say something like

• “Saturday was fun, let’s meet up again sometime”
• “Let’s meet up next week, when are you free?”

And so on.  You can keep this shorter than before and very to the point.  A lot of guys make the mistake of going overboard and saying something like

• “I had such a good time with you 🙂  Would be great to meet up again”

And other similar things.  Just cause you like each her a lot doesn’t mean you start putting her on a pedestal.  Yes you can show interest, but don’t scare a girl away.

Instead, keep it simple and just get the next meet up scheduled.

How to start a conversation with a girl in person

So this post is focus on how to start a conversion with a girl on text.  But you should still be able to start a conversation with a girl in person.

A girl you see on the street or somewhere during the day

I tell you guys to approach women that are choosing you.  This means they’re checking you out and therefore inviting you to approach them.  It doesn’t have to be eyeing you down and winking at you.  You’ll just catch the women eye you for a second or two before looking away.

Just walk up to them and say something about the surroundings.  If you can’t think of anything, just say “hey what’s up” or ask her for directions.  The best way to open a girl or anyone is just to ask them something that makes sense with the situation.

If a girl was choosing you, then it’s very likely she’ll respond well to this, or any other direct approach.

I’m not a pick up artist and don’t spend my waking hours trying to get at girls during the day.  So I don’t use any weird indirect questions or tactics for regular life.

A girl you see at a bar / nightclub

At a bar or nightclub, there’s no need to ask to get a drink, because you’re already at a place that serves alcohol.  And if you ask if she wants to get drinks, then you’re setting yourself up for having to pay for drinks.  Plus it makes you act weak by feeling like you need to buy a drink to talk to her.

Instead, go up and just start talking to her.

• “I’m ___, what’s your name?”

That’s it.  If you’re at a venue where there’s dancing, you can ask to dance.  Given the music isn’t too loud and you can actually talk, then start talking to her.  If she asks you why you came up to talk to her (in a friendly / flirty way), tell her that “I’m at a bar, I came here to meet you”.  If she asks it in a stand-off ish way, or if she’s not interested, then just walk away.  She wasn’t choosing you and it’s going to be an uphill battle.

A lot of the times the music is too loud to talk, so you’re better off dancing.

Biggest mistakes guys make with starting conversations over text 

The biggest mistake men make when starting conversations is keeping them going for too long.

Basically… texting too much!

As the guy, you have to typically approach / message her first.  But you need to keep it short and sweet.

If you keep on texting her, messaging her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, she’s going to lose interest.  It’s messed up, but that’s how the game goes.

You need to give some attention, then be busy with your life.  Take longer to respond, and when you do it’s about making plans.  The women who actually want to meet up with you will be happy to do so.  Women who aren’t going to meet up will make excuses or stop responding.

The worst thing you can do is turn off a girl who’s interested by continuing to message/text her online and not make a move to meet up.  But don’t worry, it’s an easy problem to fix.  Keep it shorter and simple.

Then you’ll weed out the girls who aren’t interested and spend more time with the girls  that are..  It’s easy to learn how to start a conversation with a girl on text.  Keep it short, sweet, and make the interaction about meeting up in real life.

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