How to Stop Putting Women on a Pedestal
Figuring out how to stop putting women on a pedestal will dramatically change the course of your life. If you’re like most guys and pedestalize women as the ultimate goal, then you’re going to be a slave to something you can’t control. And by putting women on a pedestal, you “need” things to work out with them. Ironically, things tend to not work out with them.
Putting women on a pedestal ultimately makes your dating / relationships much more difficult. It takes you out of your natural state as a leader, and instead puts you in the follower position when dealing with women.
Can you appreciate women? Of course. Can you have a great relationship with a woman or have great interactions? Most definitely.
But you can’t do any of that until you learn how to stop putting women on a pedestal. When you elevate them, you lower yourself. Putting women on a pedestal causes less women to actually like you, and it will cause the women who do like you to lose interest and dump you.
Why you out them on a pedestal
There’s nothing wrong with finding a woman attractive. The issue isn’t having a healthy sex drive or wanting to have a woman in your life.
The reasons why you put women on a pedestal are:
- Spend too much time intellectualizing and glorifying sex
- Not valuing yourself
Sex is a great part of life. But that’s what it is, a part of life. It’s not your whole life. And the reason men put women on a pedestal – both single guys and guys in relationships – is because they intellectualize sex. Thinking about sex and glorifying it as this thing you “must” or “need” to have to be fulfilled is what causes you to put women on a pedestal.
Imagine you couldn’t have sex. How would the way you interact with women change? How many of the women you’re currently talking to, dating, or obsessed with would you suddenly lose interest in? Probably most of them.
There’s not a problem with sex. But there is a problem with making sex too intellectual. Common examples of intellectualizing and glorifying sex are:
- Comparing your notch count to other men or yourself
- Feeling the need to sleep with more women to feel more accomplished
- Needing to sleep with “different types” of women (different nationalities, ethnicities, big ass, small ass, curvy, petite, tall, short, etc.)
- Wanting to sleep with the a certain woman “just one more time” or “I just need to hit it once”
And so on. This list could be built upon but you get the point.
Sex is a desire that will never go away. That’s not the problem. The problem, and what causes you to put women on a pedestal, is when you intellectualize and then glorify sex too much.
When you start thinking about needing to be with more women to be more of a man, or needing “different types”, or needing to sleep with a girl just once, or an ex just one more time, you’re glorying sex.
Sex is something that can be enjoyed in the moment you’re having it. But when you’re not having sex, it shouldn’t be the focus of your life. It’s like eating a great meal. It’s too be enjoyed in that moment. Once in a while you can think back to a great meal. And you can plan the next one. However you’re not putting that much thought into it.
If you were able to treat sex like that, then you could have a healthy, satisfying sex life, without glorifying it. And then you could have relationships with women from a place of strength and love, but never desperateness.
Identity around sex and women
When sex becomes something you are always intellectualizing, you build an identity around it.
This is why many of you are trying to learn how to stop putting women on a pedestal. Because you have an identity around your sex life, which then translates into intellectualizing sex and putting women on a pedestal.
The man whose a virgin or slept with 1 woman and is insecure, is just as much a slave to women as is the man whose slept with 100+ women and is still trying to smash more.
There’s nothing wrong with a man who happens to be a virgin or who has only slept with 1 woman but doesn’t care about it. Just like there’s nothing wrong with a man who has slept with 100 women but isn’t focused on sex. In either case, each man could have fulfilling relationships or interactions with women.
Why?
Because they haven’t built an identity around sex. And therefore, they can interact with a woman they like yet not “need” it. They like her, and have desire, but not a desperation. If she shows a big red flag or she pulls back, he can let it go because he hasn’t built an identity around success or lack thereof with women.
And therefore he’s in a position to have real relationships where he can have a good time and be in his natural state as a leader.
He’s not worried about shit tests or other potential issues because he can handle them as they come up. Because his identity isn’t wrapped up in his sex life.
Most men associate their manhood with their sex life
However, this is rare in today’s society. Most men associate their manhood with their sex life. This is why men are putting women on a pedestal in masses.
Having sex is one part of your life as a man. But most men are glorifying sex as the thing that makes them a man.
In the example above, I mentioned how both a virgin and a man whose slept with 100+ women could have identities not associated with sex and therefore have healthy relationships with women where they can maintain their alpha energy.
But most guys, whether they’re a virgin or they’re very experienced are wrapping up their identities in the level of engagement they’ve had. It’s the same trap. The player feels he needs to constantly get more women, or better women, or get women to do more things for him, in order to feel fulfilled. The inexperienced guy is stressing just “getting a new notch” as if getting laid is really an accomplishment.
In their case, you’re putting women on a pedestal and you’re coming at things from a position of weakness.
You can only put so many things on a pedestal
You can only put so many things on a pedestal. That’s why it’s best to put yourself on a pedestal. If you remember above, the 2 reasons why you put women on a pedestal are:
- Spend too much time intellectualizing and glorifying sex
- Not valuing yourself
We’re covered how most guys are intellectualizing and glorying sex. These leads to putting sex on a pedestal and not valuing yourself.
The simple solution to this is to put yourself on a pedestal. Or simply to value yourself. When you actually value yourself, or sex life, or lack thereof, just becomes a smaller part of your life. Then you stop glorifying sex, and then you stop putting women on a pedestal. And ironically when you do this, your sex life actually gets better.
How to Put yourself on a pedestal
So how do you stop putting women on a pedestal and instead put yourself on a pedestal? Well first you must decide to stop intellectualizing sex so much. When you do this, you’ll instantly have a better relationship with your girlfriend or the women that you meet.
The second thing you need to do that will actually raise your value to yourself is to respect your time. You don’t necessarily need to look in the mirror everyday in order to put yourself on a pedestal. You simply need to respect your time and stop focusing so much on sex as some end goal.
Respect your time by focusing on
- Purpose
- Fitness
- Hobbies
And it’s important when you’re doing these things that you’re not still focused on women or sex. Many men go to work or workout just so they can have the money or body to get sex. When you’re working or when you’re working out, or when you’re doing your hobbies, be present.
Actually focus on the task at hand. Not about if you might get sex later tonight or this weekend.
It’s such a simple concept.
But if you’re not used to actually being involved in life, you will notice how much you’re day dreaming about sex you had or sex you want to have. It’s okay if thoughts come up, just don’t give them extra attention. They will disappear on their own and then you can get back to whatever you’re doing.
Be busy with activities that will pay you, keep you healthy, or things that you just enjoy doing.
Don’t make your sex, dating, or relationships a big part of your life
Whether you have a girlfriend, you’re on semen retention, or dating different women, your overall quality of life should be the same.
If the weekend is coming up, and you have a date on Friday and you’re going to the lake on Saturday, then Saturday should be the thing you’re thinking about. When you can look forward to your hobbies, or your work, or whatever it is that you have control over, and stop putting all your hopes in getting sex, you naturally will take women off of the pedestal.
It really is about sex. Sex is what causes you to put women so much above you. When you learn to make sex just something you enjoy but not a big deal, you take that power away from them.
Now you can actually enjoy your life and can live in a way where you actually put yourself on a pedestal. Don’t let sex be that big of a deal.
Of course you can pursue it initially when you first meet a woman. But don’t make it some big deal. Try to retain your seed even if in short your bursts. The women you date or your girlfriend will take notice and they’ll be the ones trying to have sex with you instead of you just always needing sex.
When you truly can take away the power of sex, you stop putting women on a pedestal and you can actually be the man you want to be.
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