How to Talk to Girls
Learning how to talk to girls is an essential part of any man’s life who’s interested in women.
Whether you want to just talk long enough to get laid on the first date, or maintain a relationship, you must be able to talk to women.
It’s really not that hard if you’re a social guy and surround yourself with beautiful women. But when you’re just starting out, figuring out how to talk to girls can be intimidating or seemingly difficult. Lucky for you, girls aren’t that hard to talk to. In fact, women love to talk and will do most of the talking if you let them. But you need to have the right energy for her to feel open to talk to you.
With these tips, you’ll be able to have the right demeanor and know how conversations should go depending on the situation. It’s not about specific words. Instead, it’s more about knowing how each type of conversation would work.
First date / casual flirting
This is where you just are meeting a girl for the first time. You could’ve met her at a nightclub or met her off tinder.
First dates should be easy and fun. The key to a first date it to keep the conversation fun, flirty, and relaxed. It’s about having a good time and getting her comfortable. At the end of it you can hopefully get her back to your place and get laid.
Keeping things light. Focus on her. Flirt with her.
As long as you still try to get her back to your place, you won’t be seen as a nice guy. That only happens to betas who don’t push for sex and let themselves get friend zoned. A man who lets a girl talk and then invites her back to his place is a player. Whether she comes back to sleep with you or not will depend, but she’ll know what you’re about won’t lump you into that category.
The setting of the first date
When you see her say what’s up, you can give her a hug and the two of you sit down.
The first date should be at a cheap bar or cheap coffee shop. Bar is preferable but either will work. This way the date is cheap so there’s little investment, which will lead to you not caring about the outcome as much. And therefore you’re much more likely to be relaxed and in turn make her feel comfortable.
If you say for an expensive date then you’re going to be more worried about making the date count. And you’ll probably mess it up.
Seeing a girl regularly
A girl you see regularly is a girl you’ve been sleeping with but not in a relationship with. If you’re a player than this is going to be the majority of your experience with women.
However, even though you’re not dating her seriously, it’s still similar to having a mini relationship.
When it comes to know how to talk to girls you see casually, still keep things light, flirty, and let her talk majority of the time. You can dig deeper into her life stories and learn more about her. This will in turn get her more attached to you as well as keep her around more.
You should have her come over, have sex, and then talk with her. Or have her come over, talk then sex. But I prefer to get what I want first and then let her have what she wants. Women love sex just as much as men, but they also like talking and having conversation.
You’re going to have to let her talk more as you start to see her for longer and give her a little more of your attention. But only do this in person. Keep texting to a minimum and don’t spend time talking on the phone regularly.
You’re going to have to talk to your girlfriend a lot more than other girls. The key here is to still keep things light and flirty, most of the time. Yet other times you’ll have to go deeper on things. Whether it’s listening about her life problems or just talking in general.
Even if you’re a busy man focused on his purpose, your girlfriend is going to need some time to talk to you and get her fix of you.
Don’t talk to her hours everyday. Be present in her life for a few hours, very intensely, and very focused on her. Then be busy for a few days. You can still respond to her texts and chat on the phone for few minutes. But you need to make it seem like you’re busy and can’t give her much time.
And then when you do spend time with her, make it high quality and give her attention. She’ll start to love talking to you, yet she’ll value it because you limit how often you two can really spend time just talking back and forth.
Figuring out how to talk to girls
Alright, so we covered the basis of how to talk to girls from an overall standpoint of how much you should talk to them given the stage you’re at. But we haven’t actually gotten into how to talk to girls in the moment when it’s time to actual talk.
It’s not that hard once you get out of your head. There’s no magic scripts to memorize or specific words to say. But here’s the 8 things you need to know to manage conversations and be a smooth talker:
- Let them do most of the talking
- Ask her questions, get her to share about her life
- Don’t try to solve her life problems
- Pay attention to body language
- Shit tests and disrespect
- Be funny and make jokes when appropriate
- High level game – selling a girl a dream
1. Let them do most of the talking
Women love to talk. If you’re talking to a girl who’s interested in you then she’ll do mot of the work. I don’t teach you guys to run up on random girls and try to get the attention of women who don’t like you.
But if a girl is giving you eye contact then she most likely has interest in you. And if it’s already a girl you’re seeing then she obviously has some interest in you. So just let her do most of the talking.
Women are more social compared to men. You don’t need to talk as much as her. In fact, if you’re talking more than the girl then you’re messing up. She should be the one talking most of the time.
2. Ask her questions, get her to share about her life
Ask her questions, make funny comments when you can, and let her share about her life. The more you can get her to talk about herself, the more she’ll become invested in you. She’ll feel like you know her and that you “get” her.
If you just met her, ask her questions like
- Where she’s from?
- If she’s ever lived somewhere else?
- If she’s lived somewhere else how did she like it?
- And if she never loved anywhere else does she have dreams of traveling? (golden question)?
- What kind of food she likes?
- What are her hobbies?
- Favorite food?
And so on. If she’s giving one worded answers then she’s not interested in you or she’s not feeling well. Don’t force the conversation, whether she’s a girl you just met or your girlfriend. But as long as she’s giving you decent answers, any one of these questions should stem into longer conversations.
With girlfriends or girls you see casually, just ask them how their day or week was and let the conversation flow form there. If she isn’t receptive, then ignore her and let her make up for her lack of effort by working for your attention.
It may seem ironic to guys with no experience, but knowing how to talk to women is really just knowing how to listen. Listen to what she says, and either make jokes/witty comments, or ask her follow up questions. Sometimes I don’t even ask real questions I just say things like
- Are you serious?
- Wait, that happened?
- Or make expressions with my face and not even have to say anything
The biggest thing you need to do is just listen and react. You can lead and guide the conversation by asking her questions, or telling her what to do. But most of the actual conversation should be her talking about herself or her life and you just listening.
4. Don’t try to solve her life problems
The biggest mistake men make is trying to solve problems. This usually leads to resentment from the woman. If she’s calling you because her tire broke down or she wants something to be fixed, then yes, she wants a problem solved. That’s a different situation.
But if the two of you are just talking and she’s complaining, then just let her complain. Women like to vent and feel every feeling they have in its fullest form. By you trying to solve the problem, you’re trying to take their emotional high and turn it into a logical solution. That’s not what she wants and she’ll resent you for it.
Instead, just listen, throw metaphorical stones at her enemies, and let her feel the feelings she has inside. If she’s not asking you to solve a problem then she doesn’t want you to solve it.
5. Pay attention to body language
Body language gives everything away. If she’s looking at you and has her legs facing your direction then she’s into you and enjoying the conversation. This is important for first dates but even for men who are in relationships.
A girlfriend who give you constant eye contact and who faces you when you’re talking is a girl who’s really into you. A girlfriend who never looks at you or has bad body language is a girlfriend who’s uninterested and might dump you soon or be cheating.
6. Shit tests and disrespect
When you’re learning how to talk to girls, you’re going to need to identify shit tests and disrespect.
Shit tests are when she’s testing your manhood and seeing if you’ll act how she wants. Basically she’s trying to see if you put the pussy on a pedestal or if you’re a man. Women will do these on first dates to see if you’re worthy of sleeping with. Girls you see casually will do these occasionally to see if you’ve been pussy whipped. And even girlfriends will do these to see if they can control you or not.
The best way to think about shit tests is to think about if you had a friend or brother or tired what the girl is doing. You’d make a joke or tell them to fuck off.
Pass the shit test
When women try to shit test you, the best way to handle it is to make a joke or shut them down. It depends on how serious it is or the context. For example, if a girl wants to go to a more expensive bar on the first date, then she’s testing to see if you’ll give in. You pass the shit test if you stick to your guns and tell her to trust you that it’ll be fun.
It’s a shit test because there’s a risk she’ll get mad or not go. But if you change to her agenda, then she runs the show and you’ll be in a weak position.
If she’s a girlfriend and she disrespects you in front of your friends, then you aren’t going to just tell her that she shouldn’t do that again. You’re going to make it very clear you don’t tolerate that and if she does it again then she can go date someone else.
The level you handle shit tests depends on the severity of the shit test. Sticking to what you want, your plan, and being the decisive leader is the best way to consistently pass them.
7. Be funny and make jokes when appropriate
Don’t be a stiff the whole time. You’re a man and you’re serious about following your purpose. But you shouldn’t be a robot on the date or when you’re talking to girls you see.
If you’re super outgoing then make jokes and utilize your abilities. But if you’re not, then develop some wit and make jokes or pick fun at her. I do that effectively with girls to tease them but also be funny. The thing between me and a lame pick up artist is I’m not using puns and I don’t laugh at my own jokes.
If you laugh at what you say then you look corny and stupid. But if you let her laugh then you look funny and cool. Develop a sense of humor that allows you to make fun of her or give her a hard time without being cruel. But remember not to laugh at your own jokes.
And joking is better in person than over text. Some girls have a sense of humor and can flirt over text. And it’s useful to do that to meet women on tinder or online dating sites. But if you’re going to do that over text, then make sure it’s obvious. In person you can get away with more since you have expressions and body language.
8. High level game – selling a girl a dream
When you’ve been sleeping with a girl for a few months or you’ve been dating her for a few years, you need to sell her a dream. This is higher level game that pimps possess. You’re not becoming a literal pimp, but you’re pimping her mind.
When you’re just trying to get laid, the dream you’re selling is just a good time. Any guy can sell that. But when you start seeing a girl for a while you need to learn to sell her a dream. What this doesn’t mean is tell her that you’re going to get married and buy her a house.
Rather it means you tell her about your ambitions, how successful you’re going to be, and how much you’re excited for the future. You’re not going to tell her that you and George Clooney are the same person. But you should plant seeds in her head that maker her think about a deeper future with you.
This will get her wrapped up in your future and she’ll want to be a part from it. Selling a girl a dream is higher level game than just learning how to talk to girls in general. But it’s where you want to end up if you want to be able to talk to girls in a way that gets them obsessed with you.
Again, this isn’t for girls you just met or fucked once. It’s for keeping girls into you that you’ve already given the best sex of their lives to and want them to be even more wrapped up in you.
It’s like bragging, but more about stating what you’re going to do in the world. Don’t make it something you talk about all the time but you plant the seed once in a while. Her brain will do all the rest.
What not to do
- stress about what topics to talk about
- make up for silence with over talking
- always agree with her for the sake of agreeing
- complain about your life
Stressing about what topics to talk about is dumb because it just exposes your lack of experience with talking to girls.
You can talk about where she’s from, traveling, her dreams, hobbies, and so on. Beyond that, the conversation should happen for itself. And don’t freak out if there’s a second of silence. Let her fill the gap and put in the effort to converse with you.
She can complain about her life, and you might not care or find it annoying. But don’t complain about yours. As a man, complaining shows your weakness. Women want a strong man who takes action to make his life better. If you act exactly like her then what does she need you for?
The easiest way to talk to girls
Start talking to girls you find unattractive. Then start to slightly more attractive girls. Work your way up until you’re talking to the dimes. If a girl is interested in you, it’s always going to be easy to talk to them. Work your way up from uglies to decent looking girls.
You’ll realize that it’s more about having good vibes than really saying much at all. When I talk to girls, I’m not rambling on forever. I’m cool, make a witty joke when I can, am casual, and let them talk and laugh.
If you’re a virgin or haven’t had much experiencing talking to girls then it can seem hard. But girls are people too, and they like to talk more than men. Raise your sexual market value so more girls are into you, then talk to the girls who give you eye contact.
It’s much easier learning how to talk to girls who already like you versus ones who just want you to go away. Get in front of more women and just practice. Get dates, from tinder, from when you meet girls out in the nights, and from wherever else you happen to meet women.
The more you do it, the more you’ll realize that talking to girls is more about having good energy and just letting them do most of the work.