How to Text a Girl
Knowing how to text a girl is essential for any man looking to get laid or communicate within relationships. Texting is a great technology that allows us to message each other in a way that was never available until the modern era.
But most men don’t know how to text a girl the right way and end up using the technology to scare girls away. Most guys get ghosted over text.
I’m going to break down how to text girls depending on the stages you’re in with them, going by:
- Girls you just met
- Girls you see casually
- Girlfriends / relationships
The major rules of texting girls apply to each of them, but what you’ll do is tailored to how well you know her. You’re going to be a little bit different with a girlfriend versus the girl you met at a bar a few nights ago. But the basics are essential the same.
Why text girls?
Before you learn how to text a girl you just met or any girl, it’s important to know why you’re texting girls.
Texting is used to
- schedule meet ups
- build interest / maintain relationships
Nothing else. While you can flirt over text and have some light conversation, most guys over text women. But for the most part, texting is not supposed to be back and forth all the time. If you become a girls texting buddy then you’re headed straight to the friend zone. It’s not hard to learn how to text message girls. Not overdoing it will set you ahead of the pack.
Alpha males use texting to schedule meet ups. You can be direct and short or be a little more flirty. I’ve found lots of success in being direct and short but using a little more humor once we know each other.
But you must be clear with your intentions with why you want to learn how to text a girl. This doesn’t mean your first text to a girl is “hey my intention is to ____”. But it means you’re to the point about meeting up.
If you want to be a leader in your relationships then my methods are for you. This is for men who don’t care about getting a million texts, but instead are just testing girls to meet up and maintain relationships. If you want to be her texting buddy and just be texting girls all day then you should look somewhere else.
Texting girls too much
95% of men over text women.
They respond too quickly, text too much, show too much interest, and bore the girls.
Women want men who are pre-selected. Meaning they want men that other women like. A man that is busy in his life working on his purpose, who has hobbies, and isn’t so desperate for female validation is going to short responses that are to the point.
At worst, overtexting a woman is a sign of oneitis developing if you’re dating her. And at best, if things are casual it still just shows your desperate for female attention. Keep that in mind while you read this guide.
How to Text a girl you just met
Most of you are likely in this stage and want to know how to text a girl you just met. Texting a girl for the first time is also the most important. You haven’t slept with her yet and you two are starting off your interactions. You want to maximize the chances of her meeting up with you. And you want to set the stage for how things will be going forward.
The keys are simple ways to text a girl:
- wait a few days
- say who you are
- mention getting drinks / meeting up
Examples you can use: Good texts to girls you just met
Let’s say you met her at a club and danced with her on Saturday night. You can text her the following Wednesday and say something like
- “It’s __. Let’s grab a drink sometime.”
- “Hey it’s ____. Let’s grab coffee, when are you free?.”
If she responds positively you can respond and you can schedule a date.
You can use one of these or put your own twist to it. Both of these introduce who you are and are to the point. You don’t want to just say “hey how are you” and have to wait for her response. Then you respond, then she does, then you do, on and on…
This is a waste of time and also increases the chances of her getting bored. A high value man isn’t going to waste time beating around the bush. He’s going to know how to text a girl for the first time in an efficient way. If she’s down to meet up with you then she’ll respond to you. If she’s not down, then she was never going to be into you enough to meet up again.
Women who just use you for attention will see you’re not about it and won’t respond. Knowing how to chat with girls over text when you first meet them is about not actually chatting with them. It’s about meeting up.
A girl you already slept with for the first time
After you’ve slept with a girl you have a little more leeway. You still don’t want to text too often or too much. But since you two have already been intimate, and hopefully you gave her a good time, then she’ll start to want you physically at a higher level.
Still, keep in mind a few rules
- wait for her to text you or at least wait a few days to text
- keep things short
- schedule the next meet up
No need to spill out your heart to the girl because you slept with her one time. You still need to keep things short. Texting girls you just slept with is still just about meeting up the next time. Don’t text her everyday after you two had a good time just once.
It’s nice if she texts you first after this. That means you did a good job and that she wants to keep seeing you. It puts you in a good position because now she’s not just hitting you up because she’s bored, but because she actually likes you.
However, some girls think that men should text first after the first time and will do their best to hold out.
So it’s okay if you text her first, but the key is to wait a few days, or at least wait until the next day. If you text her that night after she leaves or the morning after saying how much fun you had, she’ll know that she has you under her spell. But if she reaches out to you then you can respond, you don’t need to leave her hanging or make her feel bad about sleeping with you. But if you learn how to text a girl the right way by waiting, then she’ll wonder if she was good enough.
Which will cause her to keep chasing you. Figuring out how to make a girl miss you isn’t hard. Just disappear for a few days. Let her wonder.
Girls you date casually
Knowing how to text a girl you see casually is simple. You can text her once in a while to have a good day. And if she texts you then you can respond. But you should only be texting her once a day or so. And only more if you two are figuring out logistics for your next meet up or date.
The exception is if she’s pushing conversation or asking you questions. Vary your responses in terms of how long you take and how much effort you out in. As long as she is putting in more effort than you’re good. However, some rules of thumb:
- don’t text more than once per day (and you it’s fine to go days without texting)
- she should initiate contact at least 50%
- no long conversations over text, do that over phone or better yet in person
- use texting to meet up
Most men who have girlfriends don’t know how to text a girl the right amount.
With a girlfriend, you’ll have to text her more than a girl you just met or a casual girl. But you still want to limit it. You can talk abut each other’s day and have some conversation over text. It’s impossible not to because women are so used to communicating like this.
You can respond to your girlfriend of course. But don’t spend your day glued to your phone. She should text you first more or at least equally as much. If you’re a man whose on his purpose then this will happen naturally.
You should tell you girlfriend that you can’t text much during work. Not as manipulation but because it should be true. That leaves most of the day with limited texting. And if she doesn’t text you then you can respond a few hours later and already have an excuse. Then you can also say you can’t talk because you’re going to the gym, doing a martial art, or some other hobby.
You’ll text girlfriends more than other girls of course. But the key is to be busy in your life and have reasons that you can’t text all the time. This will help things not to be stale and prevent both of you from becoming interdependent.
Major rules for texting
By now you should have a general idea of how to text a girl you just met, a girl you are casual with, and a girlfriend. Although it will be a little different depending on the situation, there are rules for texting with girls that will help you to succeed. These rules are:
- Less is more
- Be obvious with jokes or don’t joke at all
- Don’t double text
- Never block numbers
1. Less is more
Less is more with texting. If you don’t know what to say then don’t respond. Especially if a girl is trying to give an excuse to flake on a date or give you some shit test. Women shit test all the time over texting by trying to mess up the plans you two have or sending passive aggressive texts.
If this isn’t your girlfriend, then the way you respond is by not responding. Deal with shit tests texts like this in person instead if she’s your girlfriend.
Ignore low quality texts from girls
Instead, whenever a girl sends you a text you don’t like, just ignore her.
I figured this out on accident. When I was starting to do better with women, I stopped pedesliaizng them. This is the natural progression most men experience. Since I had an abundance I didn’t need to glorify them. So when I got a text that was rude, had to do with changing plans, or otherwise not desirable, I simply didn’t respond. I didn’t have time for the bullshit when I had other great women who were willingly to be complaint with my agenda.
And guess what?
The vast majority of these girls responded to their down texts – meaning double or triple texting me – with things like
- apologizing and saying they can still make our date
- asking me if I read their message
- or even trying to send me sexy pictures in order to get me to forgive them (not the norm but happened enough for me to notice)
Pull back attention
When you don’t respond to rude behavior, you’re pulling back your attention. In turn she’ll recognize you’re alpha and she’ll realize she was in the wrong. The only time I’ll respond to a rude text if it’s from a girlfriend, and I’ll tell her we’ll need to talk in person.
Some women might take a few hours or a few days or longer. But most will text you again in an effort to try and make things work.
Girls you never really got a chance to date might never hit you up. But even then, the majority of girls I hadn’t met up with for a date still reached out a few days/weeks later to try and meet up. And some girls will also never be heard from again. But the women who are willing have some level of interest in you will text you again.
2. Be obvious with jokes or don’t joke at all
You can flirt over text to build up tensions and amplify attraction. But make sure your jokes or playful behavior is obvious. If it’s not, or you’re unsure, then it’s better not to joke at all. At least wait until you two know each other more. Knowing how to text a girl for the first time shouldn’t be too complicated. No need to send any crazy long texts, stories, or jokes over text. Keep things short and about meeting up.
You can use jokes or flirty behavior with girls you’re already seeing. But even then it’s not required to know how to text women. Just think of texting as a scheduling tool. You can use jokes here and there to build tension, but don’t overdo it.
3. Don’t double text
Double texting is when you text a girl and then text her again later when she hasn’t responded. Don’t ever double text. Keep it to one text only and wait for her to respond. If she never responds then don’t hit her up.
If you have a girls number and you’re texting her then there’s no need to text more than once. Double texting will make you seem desperate and lower her attraction. She has your number. She’ll respond when she wants to. If she didn’t respond it’s not because she didn’t see it.
4. Never delete numbers if you want to see her again
Never delete a girls number. Because if you do, then she texts you later, and you ask who it is, she’ll know you were weak and got butthurt. Unless you never want to see her again. then if you get a text from a number you don’t know, you can ignore it as you know you don’t delete numbers unless you have no desire to talk to the girl.
If you want to keep things open to meeting up later on then keep her number.
Then you’ll know who it i
It’s important that you not only learn how to text a girl in the right way, but that you’re patient. Never deleting numbers is a sign of patience and it will pleasantly surprise you at the amount of girls that hit you up a few months later when they’re ready to see you.
Now you know how to text a girl the right way. Use texting as a tool to meet up with women. On girls you see more often you can text more. But still try to minimize the number of texts you send.
Less is more with texting. High value men use texting as a tool to coordinate with women, not to text each other all day long. Nice guys and betas have time to do that. Alphas are too busy building their wealth and pursuing their purpose.
Don’t make a big deal out of texting. There aren’t magic lines to text girls to instantly make them want you/\.
But you can determine how to text a girl correctly simply by not texting more than a few times a day, using it to meet up, and keeping things short. Become a man whose not obsessed with texting but instead obsessed with his success, and you’ll get bette results with texting girls.