I’m losing my girlfriend, how do I get her back?
I’m losing my girlfriend, how do I get her back? This can be a tough situation to be in. However, you can’t freak out. This is where you need to get control of your emotions, get back in your masculine frame. You want to know how to get her back? Well you can’t be so desperate to. That will cause you to have oneitis and be weak.
I know right now you just want to make things right. But if you don’t take a logical approach to this, you can end up losing her for good.
Evaluate the situation?
If you’re in a situation where you’re realizing okay, I’m losing my girlfriend, now what? I get similar questions from guys all the time, and they generally are fear based statements like:
- I feel like I’m losing my girlfriend
- I’m scared to talk to my girlfriend
- I’m afraid of losing my girlfriend
and even things like:
- Should I tell my girlfriend I’m afraid of losing her?
- I have anxiety about girlfriend leaving me
- I’m scared my girlfriend will leave me
While I understand you’re worried, you need to take a step back. Any of the above are all fear based, and will knock you off your center as a man. They will cause you to be emotionally weak and lose your rationality.
Then you need to first see what’s going wrong. Either you are acting weak / needy, not around enough, are terrible at sex, or maybe you just chose the wrong girl. While you’re probably doing something wrong, a lot of the times you’re wondering how do I get her back when you should’t have been with her in this first place.
What are you doing wrong?
- Most common by far – Likely being too needy and not leading the relationship
- Second most common – Bad at sex / no connection
- Probably not, but still could be – Not enough time
Is it her? It could be her as well.
However, let’s not play the blame game right now. Take accountability for what you’re doing. Because if you did everything right like set terms for the relationships, check bad behavior, and lead the relationship, and remained authentic, then you probably would leave her if she was still not a quality girl.
So while choosing the wrong girl definitely could be the case, chances are that you’re also making one of these mistakes. For most men it’s the first one, which is being too needy. Losing your girlfriend will happen when you’re too needy. this causes her to lose attraction because she gets all of the power in the relationship. Then you want to know how do I get her back? This happens because you give her all the power, she runs with it, the you feel like she’s running away and you need to chase her.
I’m losing my girlfriend, what should I avoid?
If you’re one of the guys whose in the “I’m losing my girlfriend, please help me” camp, then first calm down. Make sure you don’t do these things:
- Beg for her to like you more
- Ask for her to stay
- Be emotionally weak
These will all turn her off and will make getting her back difficult. Losing your girlfriend sucks, but you need to relax and breathe. Don’t get weak. Weakness kills relationships.
How do I get her back? Here’s what to do
She lost interest, how to get it back is your next goal. You need to do this by whipping yourself back into shape and then taking the right action in the relationship.
- Become a beast – physically and mentally
- Reduce or add your non-sexual attention (reduce if she’s feeling un attracted and there’s little sex and she’s the leader, add if there’s sex but nothing else)
- If she’s denying sex – then stop pursuing sex.
- If there’s lots of sex but feels like everything else sucks – go on dates and “court her”, don’t stop having sex, but add in romantic things
Become attractive as possible – looks and energy wise
1 month 0f massive change
- Become a physical beast at all costs
- Lift – get in the best shape as possible
- Eat clean as hell
- Cut out all alcohol, weed, drugs, everything
- Get back on your purpose
Lift and be a physical Beast
This will get her to rethink if she really wants to leave you. Because when you’re losing your girlfriend or she’s already gone, her attraction for you has dwindled. It’s probably not all your looks. In fact for most guys it’s the way they act. They become too needy. However, you need to make a drastic change in your mindset ASAP. And the easiest way to do that is to become a beast physically, which will jumpstart your mind as well. Your body and mind are connected.
By getting in the best shape possible, you make her question what’s happening with you. Not only do you become more sexually attractive, but it’s about the progress you’re making.
The energy you get from getting your health and body back on point and cutting out all bad habits like alcohol will confuse her. She’ll wonder why all of a sudden you’re going through a massive transformation.
Purpose and masculine frame
Let’s say you’ve been on your grind for a month straight. Your body and health is even better than before. You have a new sense of focus on your purpose. Now you’re going to be in a stronger place mentally. It sucks when you feel like “I’m losing my girlfriend”. You have a mindset of neediness and desperateness. This causes you not to think straight.
But when you get your body right and you have a renewed sense of ambition, you now are going to feel stronger. In this time period she probably has already gained a new sense of respect and curiosity about you.
You may not want to lose your girlfriend.
Reduce or add your non-sexual attention
Reduce if she’s feeling un-attracted and there’s little sex and she’s the leader, add if there’s sex but nothing else.
If she’s denying sex – then stop pursuing sex. Get focused on your purpose, and stop giving her so much attention. Relationships are not just about sex. However, sex is the thing that makes it different than a friendship. If she’s cutting off sex, then you need to cut back your attention.
On the flip side, if there’s lots of sex but feels like everything else sucks – go on dates and “court her”, don’t stop having sex, but add in romantic things. Being “too alpha” and always trying to dominate is also bad for a relationship. This is where being red pilled or alpha can take things too far.
Yes, as the man you should lead.
But this doesn’t mean be a dick to your girlfriend. You still should be respectful and treat her well. If you two are having sex regularly but you don’t do anything else, then give her more of your non-sexual attention. This is your girlfriend, not some girl you just met or had a one night stand with. I don’t advise you guys to have tons of one night stands anyways. It’s better to focus your energy into less things.
What if my girlfriend leaves or says we should take a break?
- Don’t argue
- If she leaves, any convincing you do will only push her away.
- Instead, accept what she says, don’t offer to talk about it, and move on.
- You need to be cold with her if she’s leaving you and you want her to turn things around. Many times when you’re losing your girlfriend and want to know how to get her back, you’ll make dumb mistakes. You’ll beg her to stay with you. Or you’ll beg for her to talk about it. However, all this does is give her validation, which ultimately let’s her move on easily.
- But when you pull back hard, you make her question her decision. A girlfriend leaving you is the ultimate test of your strength. If you act weak, she’ll leave you. It might take a few weeks or months for her to miss you again. But if you are cold to her and you don’t give any validation, this will make her question her decision.
Do NOT use logic to convince her to stay
Do I want you guys to be mean to your girlfriends? No. I want you guys to have happy, healthy relationships with women. But if your girlfriend is set on leaving you, then you can’t do anything about it. At least not directly.
You can’t convince her to be with you. In fact, if you try to get her back through logic, you’ll for sure turn her off and push her away.
But when you say “okay no worries” and walk away, then you’ll leave her confused.
If she then asks “wait, don’t you want to talk?” you can say
- “If you wanted to talk about how we can work this out, then we could’ve talked. But since you don’t want to be together, there’s no way for us to have a conversation.”
Or if she says “why don’t you fight for me” you can say
- “A relationship needs two people to work through problems. Fighting for you would be us engaging in a conversation where we are both trying to work towards a solution. If I’m trying to get you back when you’re leaving, I’m not fighting for you, I’m clinging onto someone whose trying to escape. I won’t do that. You’ve made up your mind so you can walk. If you want to come back we can talk, however I’ll have to rethink if I want to be with you.”
Of course these are answers that come from me, as this is how I would handle it now. I believe in being strong yet authentic. If this was a girl you didn’t care about and never wanted to see again, you could kick her out and never speak. But assuming you’re losing a girlfriend and want to know how to get her back, it’s best to communicate, but in a strong + clear way.
If a a girlfriend wanted to leave me, the best way I’d handle it would be to let her go. If she questioned why I’m letting her go so easily, I’d give her the truth. Then I’d tell her now I’m the one has to rethink if I want to be with her.
Why is that?
Because that’s how I actually feel. I’ve had girls do this to me, even girls who weren’t my girlfriend but women I still had a connection with. If she still likes you, she’ll want you to “fight” for her. But then when you do this, she loses respect and still leaves you.
Instead, you need to realize that when losing your girlfriend or any girl, you don’t need to get her back. If she wants to walk away then let her be free. You should genuinely rethink if you want to be with a woman who wants to leave you. I’ve had good women who threaten to leave me, and then this serves as a red flag for their behavior.
I don’t this out of manipulation or being fake. If that was the case, then later on I’d give in and be weak. But this is how I feel when girls want to leave. I’m not mad or upset. Instead I let them walk away. If anything I’m disappointed that I’m losing them and that they’d leave without actually discussing things with me from a neutral position.
High quality girlfriends will want to talk with you before just leaving you
If your girlfriend wants to talk with you, then this is different. If she says something like “hey I’m not happy in the relationship because of x, y, or z, can we talk about this and resolve this?” Then guess what, you have a high quality woman. In this case, of course you can talk with her and resolve the problem.
But if you’re losing a girlfriend and she only wants to talk after she says she’s going to leave and you don’t show weakness, then be weary.
She was testing you for power. And because you didn’t give her the power, she respects you and now wants to talk. However, the conversation will only end in her apologizing or you getting weak and her going back to leaving. Since she doesn’t have a reason she’s leaving. She’s leaving or staying based on how strong or weak you are. So that’s why this will be an “unresolved” problem and will happen again.
If she wants you to “fight” for her, she just wants validation and then will run off
The catch is that she will try to get it again. She doesn’t really want to be with you. She just wants the validation. That’s why I get cold to women who want to leave. I don’t think
- “how do I get her back?”
Instead I think
- “if she wanted to talk and be rational, which is hard for women to do when they’re emotional, then she’d be a high quality woman and one then I’m glad to have”
When a girlfriend only wants to talk after you show indifference, you can still keep her. But you must be careful. This is a woman who will leave you again when you show weakness. Of course you can potentially lose any girlfriend when you show too much weakness. It’s still more ideal to be with a woman who wants to communicate clearly before leaving you. If she only wants to talk when you show strength, you can have a relationship, but be prepared for her to leave you again in the future.
Keep strong and don’t be afraid of losing your girlfriend
If you’re losing your girlfriend then I understand you may be in a world of pain right now. But stay strong. You can still reverse the situation.
The fear of losing someone will not help to keep them. Why are you afraid to lose someone, in this case your girlfriend. Is it because you love her? Or because you need her? Because if you love her but don’t need her, then you can let her go.
Instead of thinking “I’m losing my girlfriend, how do I get her back?” think “She’s choosing to walk away from me, and I should think about if I even want her in my life”. Sure, you can do things to be a better boyfriend. And maybe you made some mistakes. Nevertheless, she’s walking away from you. You can’t chase her. You must remain strong.
When you keep strong, you put yourself in a position to carry on with your life. And then when you don’t need her, you’ll be in a much better position to come back to you. If you don’t stay strong, she either will leave for ever, or she’ll come back for a bit, just to leave you again. Don’t be worried about losing your girlfriend. Feel bad that she may lose you. Become the man that she doesn’t want to lose, and that she’ll work hard to try and get back if she does.
Love your articles- I’ve learned so much and I’m so happy to have stumbled upon them. I have a weird situation. My gf was getting annoyed with me yesterday after we spent about a week straight together, and told me she wanted space and started acting cold (flipped like a switch). I gave it to her and backed off. We haven’t talked at all today except for when I said bye in person earlier. She’s liked my instagram post today and I wonder if she’s waiting for me to call her because last time I gave her space like this… Read more »
Thanks brother. That’s not a weird situation at all. You guys spent a lot of time, which means she got all of your intention, and therefore she’s feeling less attracted to you. But this is not a bid deal, just temporary. Let her chase you, it’s her fault. She wants space, give her space. Last time she chased after you gave her space. You’ve already reinforced to her that if she wants space, then you’ll walk away and let her re-earn your attention. It won’t backfire unless you value her attention over your dignity. And if you value her attention… Read more »
Thanks for the encouragement. She still has yet to reach out, longer than it took her to last time. If she never reaches out I just consider us broken up? Also what do we talk about when she finally reaches out? Do I voice my concern about her giving me the cold shoulder so long, or just act like I feel nothing’s wrong. I feel like I should be leading the resolution to the problem we’re having, but at the same time I don’t want to chase or seem needy.
Brother, not encouragement, this is not mental masturbation so you feel better. Re-read what I’m saying 100 times if you need to, so you actually engrain what I’m saying. The resolution is that she needs to desire your attention again, the problem you’re having is she doesn’t respect you and feel enough attraction to want to be with you in this moment. You can only lead a woman who sees you as a leader. You’re looking at it as “seeming needy” or before you said “backfires”, as if this is to just enhance yourself in her eyes or a perceived… Read more »
Thank you for these articles. I’m in a weird situation, been in a long-distance relationship for the last 9 months, something I’d never normally do but it’s actually worked out brilliantly. We see each other often and usually facetime once a day at least. With this Corona, I’m at home most of the time and she’s a doctor so she’s pretty busy. But since last Friday (When we had a shitty call about what’s next in terms of should I move to her, or should she move to me) she’s avoided calling, she’ll message me to say she’s going to… Read more »
Rebel James, I’ve been reading your articles day in, night out for the past week and I can feel much better about how I am supposed to be acting. Sadly, and you even say this, I know where I’m messing up in the 5 month relationship I’m in. So a couple weeks ago, I had such a bad beta moment; I was feeling like she wasn’t doing her fair share of the relationship, to which I never set the rules for, and decided that the best way to get some validation, I write this and I know, how fucking stupid,… Read more »
Thanks man. As for your situation, you didn’t say what your beta moment. If you want her to change her behavior, you must act differently. Don’t tell her to change her behavior in a direct way. That’s how you communicate with a man. She’s a woman. If you want her to act feminine, or whatever the desired behavior is, you need to act in the way that’s opposite of that. If you act masculine, she’ll act feminine. If you respect yourself, she’ll respect you. Because you’ve been acting weak, she’s been treating you like you’re weak.