Introverts Guide to Charisma and Social Success
Being introverted means you prefer spending time alone and you’re generally more of a thinker than a speaker. There’s nothing wrong with this being your core nature, and in fact, this can be to your benefit in life.
I’m in fact an introvert – meaning I am more naturally inward focused and prefer to be around less people than big crowds
However, no man is an island. We live in a world full of people. Even monks and nuns still live in communities and depend on each other for survival.
Chances are if you’re in society, even as an introvert, you still desire connection with others. You may not desire to be the life of the party or have all eyes on you, but socializing with others isn’t just about getting likes on photos or having 100 people message you “happy birthday”. Being able to form deep relationships and even surface level ones alike will greatly enhance your life.
Having the option to meet people – whether it’s men as friends or women to date – will only make your life better.
Some of the best communicators are introverts
Extroverts for sure have a natural advantage in the social arena. Or more like a head start. Extroverts are more likely to have a bunch of friends and connections, and make friends easier. However, because of their natural advantage and less analytical nature, most extroverts usual never master social interactions. Or they very often keep on making the same mistakes.
- Cillian Murphy
- Denzel Washignton
- Travis Fimmel
- Elon Musk
“They’re not introverts. An introvert would never say x,y,z or be that loud”
Yes they are. Being an introvert does NOT mean you’re afraid to talk to people or that you’re bad at it. I can be extremely loud if I’m telling a story and making a point or if I’m shouting at a party. A nerd in the corner might think I’m an extrovert. I’m not, acting this way is a learned skill.
All of the above people learned to communicate either extremely well (watch interviews of Denzel Washington and Cillian Murphy) or at least well enough to get their points across.
Travis Fimmel is a great example of someone who is an extreme introvert, yet is witty and can engage well with people effectively during interviews, even though he’s not a big talker.
Elon musk is a great example of an introverted nerd who has a sense of humor and isn’t afraid to voice his opinion. I’m not saying you should copy him exactly, because you don’t have the power or influence he does, but you can still learn how important attitude is.
Extroverts example with women
I have extroverted male friends who can flirt with women and get dates easily.
But I have also met numerous extroverted males who make friends easily, but get “friend-zoned” with women and never understand why.
They are very social but fail to flirt with the women and conceal their true intentions. I will not befriend men like this because they will often try to get at your girl the second you two break up or have an argument. They don’t have the charisma or balls to get women directly, but they have enough to be able to swoop in when the woman is emotionally vulnerable and often drunk. Men who try to get their female friends drunk in order to smash are weak and you should always be weary of snakes like this. This is why I’m only friends with men who are have principles or who are very good with women. In either case they already get women and don’t need yours or value their morals enough to not resort to bitch made behavior.
Anyways, back tot he topic at hand.
Many introverted men will look at the man whose extroverted and gets women, but they fail to acknowledge the heaps of extroverted men who are friendly but never get affection from women.
This is where being an introvert can pay off. When you’re able to analyze where you are and where your short comings are, you will be able to improve on each area. This applies to flirting with women but also to making friends with men and having general social charisma.
Charisma essentially means that you’re likable, that people want to be around you.
And being charismatic will make your life dramatically better.
- More opportunities to make money through more job offerings, clients (many people will choose you over a competitor for a similar service just because they like you)
- Way more dating opportunities (due to you meeting more women and doing better with the women you meet)
- Better self defense – you’ll be more aware of potentially hostile men and can make the call to befriend them, avoid them, or attack first (only when necessary).
- More loyalty from your friends and allies
- Deeper connections with friends, family members, women in your life
- The ability to make friends and have connections anywhere you go
How to be Charismatic
The first step is to be friendly with people.
While being friendly and never flirting can get you “friendzoned” in the dating arena, don’t worry about that right now. We’ll handle that in a minute.
The first step is to just be nice to people. This is not weak or weird. Many introverted guys get too caught up in being a “sigma male” and just end up being weird in social situations. Batman is still Bruce Wayne when he’s not in a costume.
You can still be a man who lifts weights, does combat sports, and not be coming from a position of weakness. You can still be a physically capable man and be kind to people.
Step by Step
Here’s how you can be more charismatic and develop more social success
1. Say “Hello”
Say “Good morning” or “Good afternoon” or “How’s it going?” to people on the street. You can say that as you walk by – no need for a formal conversation. This will get you used to approaching people. Many people, especially in more modern cities, will not respond or give you weird looks. Good. That is getting you used to rejection, which will happen especially when approaching women. And when they respond positively… great. Either way, you have nothing to lose and only something to gain.
In fact, if you just started saying hello to people, you would naturally develop more charisma just by this alone. Especially doing this on the street with people you’ll never see again. Because then it will become a habit. Then when you’re in a position to meet new people in a more “important” situation, like at a place you frequent (martial arts gym, regular gym), or when you go to hit on a woman, you’ll already have a leg up.
2. Ask people’s name
I do this al the time when a new guy comes to the bjj gym. Whether he’s completely new to bjj or he’s already practicing but new to town, I instantly gain more charisma in his eyes by being friendly. I could act tough or be hostile, but what’s the gain to that? We’re already going to try to choke each other, you might as well be cool with the guy.
By just asking his name, when most people besides the instructor will say nothing to him, I become one of his favorite people. I know how hard it is, especially if you’re a brand new white belt, to come into a gym and train with guys who are constantly choking you, and who are generally more introverted themselves. By asking his name and shaking his hand, I begin to develop a friendship. And even if he’s experienced, he’s going to fee more welcome and feel safer training.
And at the next class if I see the same guy and forget his name I’ll just say “hey man good to see you again, can you remind me of your name? I’m good with faces but terrible with names.”
Asking someone for their name shows you care about them at least a little bit, and later on you can bring it up. Forgetting someone’s name is not an issue as long as you are proactive and ask them again.
You can now talk to this person whenever you see them at the venue – whether it’s martial arts, or dance class, or university, or work, or whatever
3. Never complain
Complaining is extremely anti-charismatic.
The most charismatic thing to do is to never complain. Talking about issues and potential solutions is not complaining.
Complaining is less about never speaking about negative things, and more about the way or attitude you have.
For example, you can talk about negative things in a lighthearted way or in a non-complaining way. This is what it means when someone has “good energy”.
“Bro I got fucking soaked, *smiles* look at my socks. Haha I’m definitely going to have to let these dry for the next week. You manage to escape the rain? Ahh an umbrella, smart man. You’re the man with a plan.”
You could technically complain about how wet you got, but talk about in a lighthearted way. In this way you’re not really “complaining”, because you’re not bringing other people down.
When you can laugh about less than ideal situations, you are 10x more charismatic than the average person.
4. Invite people to hang out
In can seem daunting if you’re not used to doing this. Many introverted men who are tired of not having any plans will hope and pray that other men will invite them to hang out or that women will approach them.
But fuck that. You can just invite people yourself.
“Fun plans for the weekend?”
If they say yes, then you can just ask them about what they’re doing.
If they say no, or “not really, just chilling”, you can say say
“For sure man, we should get a drink (or whatever) sometime”
Then you will start to build a friend group. Even if you don’t feel motivated to hang out with people, doing this is essential to build a social group or friend group.
Think of hanging out with people like an investment. It may not be fun to ask at first or hang out just getting a drink or whatever. But when you do this enough you’ll begin to get invited to social events, parties, or trips that you didn’t have access to before. And those events or happenings will often be some of your best memories or more interesting stories.
5. Flirt with women and ask them out
This is an area many men ignore or run from. But if you want results with women in a sexual or romantic way, you need to make a move.
The easiest way to flirt isn’t to say some magic line. You can talk about the weather and still be flirty. If you think about wanting to fuck her, or how fun it’s going to be, you’re going to be more flirty with the way you talk. “Hey _____, how’s your day?” Can be monotone or friendly. Or it can be flirty depending on your tonality. The best way to get the tonality to have some sexual desire, but be a slave to it.
A man who has too much lust will become desperate or nervous or creepy. A man who has no lust is just friendly or like a monk. You want to have controlled lust. You want to fuck her, you know it’ll be fun, but it’s not a big deal either way. That’s the right mindset to flirt properly.
6. Female friends
Having female friends, or at least female associates, can be extremely valuable for getting new women, getting a girlfriend, or just having a better social life.
Do I have truly deep friendships with women? Not really.
Does it make sense to have tons of female friends if you’re in a monogamous relationship? No.
But if you’re single, this is one of the greatest strategies to have an abundant social life.
Having female friends / associates will open many doors to you. They can defend you from other females who lie about about you, they can hook you up with their friends (many women primarily date like this, great way to meet quality women), and they will get you into parties or events that men will not invite you to out of fear of competition.
Let’s be clear – having female friends is not the same as getting friendzoned. That’s when you want a girl, but you’re too pussy to make a move, and then you “somehow” end up being her friend.
Female friends are women you purposely don’t get at in order to have as an actual friend and someone to do things with. Female friends are not going to be able to help you to win a fight or handle a dangerous situation. In fact, as the male in the group you will have to do the bulk of that. But if you have a few female friends who think you’re a cool guy, they will invite you (and you can also invite them) to social events.
Obviously a man in monk mode or whose a family man won’t get must utility from hanging out female friends. But a single man whose looking t maximize his social life will benefit greatly.
You have the tools now to develop charisma and have a successful social life. I decided against having an exact system for this article. The step by step points I gave are really just best practices. If you begin to say hi to people, ask their name, don’t complain, and invite them to hang out, your talking skills will improve and you’ll now have a social circe. When it comes to women – if you approach + ask women out, you’re going to have a dating life. If you decide to obtain a few female friends, this will amplify your social opportunities.
What you need to do now is not overthink. Do not over theorize. The analytical mind of an introvert can be very useful if you keep it in check. Analyze quickly, then act. Do not overthink. Take action, analyze, then take action again.
Talk to people, don’t be negative, flirt + ask out the women you like, and get out of your head.