Never Tell a Girl that you Like her

Never Tell a Girl that you Like her

Never tell a girl that you like her.  Contrary to what you might learn about expressing your feelings, telling a girl you like her will always turn her off.

I know I’m going to get messages from guys and women saying that you should “be authentic” and “if you like her just tell her”.  That’s terrible advice and in the real world it doesn’t work.  Should you be authentic?  Yes.  But with women, you need to understand that you need to be authentic with you energy.

Should you lie to women?  No.  You never need to lie to a woman.  I don’t advise that, whether you’re single and playing the field or you’re in a relationship.  However, in the beginning stages, you should never tell a girl you like her.

If you have a girlfriend or wife, both of you will probably say “I love you”.  That’s all good.  But that’s not what I’m talking about in this article.

Instead, I’m addressing why you should never tell a girl you’re interested in that you like her.

Not what you were taught

Maybe it seems like I’m being a jerk to you guys right now.   On one hand, in so many articles I tell you to be direct, to be a man, to go after what you want.  I always advise you guys to pursue your purpose, be decisive, and be confident in all that you do.

And now I’m telling you not to tell women that you like them.  It sounds counter intuitive.  But any of you that have had success in the dating game know what I’m talking about.  Telling a girl you like her always lowers her attraction.  Of course we’re talking about when you first meet a woman.  I’m not talking about a woman you’ve been seeing or a girlfriend / wife.

Most guys don’t have a good example of a masculine, confident man.  And therefore they rely on guys who suck with women or women themselves.  The guys who suck with women will obviously give you bad advice.  And most women will give you bad advice even though they might mean well.  But a guy whose actually good with women, or a self aware woman whose telling you the truth – will tell you not to tell her that you like her.

If you’re a typical nice guy, this is the opposite of what you were taught or saw growing up.  Let’s discuss why telling her that you like her is a bad idea

Why telling you like her turns her off

I say never tell a girl that you like her because telling her that you like her always turns her off.  Hell, even if she really likes you, telling her that you like her can still lower her attraction.  She may still like you, but it will be dramatically less.   And if she was on the fence about you or didn’t like you, this will only make her want to laugh at you or just feel sorry for you.

You must understand something here.  Women are attracted to men with power.  And yes, we can see this with money or especially status.  You can see this in the fact that women will go crazy over famous guys, but men only like famous women who are attractive.   While a woman would prefer to have a famous guy be attractive, there are plenty of ugly or average famous guys who can get way more women than you or me.

Mick Jagger was never attractive, yet women loved him because of the fame. Fame is the extreme version of status, which is a form of power.

Personal Power

But even with no fame or money, every man has individual power.  This is what some guys overcomplicate and refer to as “game”.  The game of life or the sub-game of dating can be seen as the playing field for which we live or conduct ourselves.  Many men will refer to strategy of success in the game as “game” itself.  But all of a man’s “game” really is, is simple how much he gives away his personal power.

The more willingly he’ll give away his personal power for not getting anything in return, like the other person’s power, the less “game” he has.  However, the more he can get the other person, like the woman he likes, to give up her power in exchange for his, the better his “game” is.

Women like men who keep their personal power.  This isn’t about manipulating women to being mean to them at all.  This is just a fact.  Women like men who are confident, unaffected by the outside world, and who are in control of  themselves.  Guess what it requires to do all of that – it requires holding onto your personal power.

Your personal power is your energy.

You only give away your power to those who also exchange in giving away theirs.  In this sense you can have a more or less reciprocal relationship, whether it’s with women, friends, etc.

Giving too much power away turns her off

When you tell a girl that you like her, you give  too much of your personal power away.  You must sacrifice a bit of your personal power to get anywhere with a woman.  That’s a fact.  But the goal is to minimize this until she also starts to reciprocate.

For example, you give away a bit of your personal power when you approach a girl.  She has the opportunity to shoot you down and damage your ego a bit.  Of course you should primarily pursue women who show you interest (give you eye contact).  But regardless, rejection is a slight sacrifice in power you have to make at first.

The same concept applies to a dating app, although it’s much less in comparison.  When you message a woman first, you give away a tiny, microscopic bit of your personal power.  It’s such a small amount that you don’t really feel it, and to the point where some women may even message you first.

Telling her you like her is a mistake

The point is that yes, you do need to give away a slight amount of your power when you first meet a woman.  However, telling her you like her is way too much.  You give away so much of your power that she gets turned off.  Part of the reason women like you is because they want to figure out if you like them.  Not knowing if you actually like her is part of what makes you attractive.

Even in long term relationships, the man who is able to maintain his personal power is naturally going to pass shit tests and is going to have a girlfriend / wife that loves him.

Of course at that stage your woman knows you like her.  Or does she?  Well she likely does and it’s a good thing to love a woman you’re in a relationship with.

But even then, keeping your personal power means you maintain your self respect.  And when you do this, women who find you somewhat attractive or like you a bit – will like you even more.  Some women on the fence about you will also like you.  This is what we refer to as “game”.

Or we can call this pursuing but not getting needy or thirsty for a woman you just met.  When you’re not available 24/7 or willing to drop everything just to hang out.   And this comes from maintaining your personal power.  This is what happens when you maintain self respect and have a life of you’re own.  When you’re not a slave to needing to get a certain girl, the women you interact with tend to like you more and more.

It’s always bad to tell her that you like her

Telling a girl you like her is always a bad idea because when you’re not in a relationship with a woman, she needs to wonder if you like her in order to be attracted to you.  This is what will give her the motivation to think about you.  If she doesn’t need to wonder if you like her, then she won’t need to waste any thought energy on you, and therefore she won’t desire you.  In order for a girl to like you, she needs to want you.  When she thinks about you often, this causes her to want you.  And she’ll think about you often if she’s unsure if you like her.

This is why you must let her wonder.  Her thinking of you continuously is what will build her interest and cause her to desire you.

When you just tell her that you like her, you kill her imagination and ability to wonder about you.  And therefore her interest in you dies, unless it has already been built up to such a high level (like if you’re already in a relationship).

Be authentic with your energy and make a move

So what should you do instead?  Should you just act uninterested?  Well if she’s not reciprocating when you try to make plans or hang out, then yes move on and she’ll hit you up eventually.

But if she is reciprocating your efforts, then make a move.  Don’t tell her that you like her – instead flirt with her.  Flirting is a way to show a girl you’re interested in the way she wants.  It gives her a chance to kind of see that maybe you like her, maybe you’re just poking a bit of fun at her.   Flirting with her is a way to interact with her in a positive way that shows her that you like her, but not too much.  It’s fun, builds attraction, and takes the stress out of it.  Flirt with her when you see her in person or over the phone or whatever, and make a move to hang out.

Don’t talk to a girl for months and months and then make a move.  You’ve waited too long.  Instead, flirt, and during flirting bring up some way to hang out.

Don’t tell a girl that you like her in a direct way.   That’s how you want to communicate but that’s not what she wants.  If she likes you, she wants you to ask her to hang out.  So do that.  Flirt with her, have fun with the conversation, and make a move.

Notify of
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
1 day ago

Hey man, I started talking to this new girl during quarantine and we were immediately a match, in fact, too much of a match that we started talking/calling each other everyday for hours, I know that is a bad thing to do but the conversation was just too good. A week ago we started drifting apart, I guess that’s only normal as I’d feel that I run out of things to say and she became increasingly bitch‐ier (saying stuff like “I don’t care” and so on, I made sure to check her by asking her if that’s how she’s supposed… Read more »

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x