No Contact for 30 days: Will it get my Ex Back or will She move on?
No contact for 30 days is a popular tactic for men and women alike after a break up. But it’s mainly used as a tactic by the person who got broken up with in order to try and re-attract their lover who dumped them.
I have a lot of guys that write to me asking about using no contact for 30 days or a specific amount of time. The reason they’re doing no contact is to ultimately get their ex back. No contact definitely works to help you get over your ex, which I advise you do. Even if you get her back in the future, you won’t be placing your happiness in her.
But alas, I know most guys who get dumped and become desperate. They just want their ex back and are willing to try no contact if it will help them.
Does No Contact work?
Well the answer you don’t want to hear is that it depends. No contact for 30 days can work to get your ex back. Or it can seemingly backfire. It depends on three things.
- How much your ex girlfriend liked you / was attracted to you
- Reason for the break up
- How you spend the time apart
The first two are definitely related. If an ex-girlfriend was really into you and broke up with you, you can still get her back. In fact you might not even need no contact, especially not for 30 days.
If you dated her for 3 or 4 years and consistently gave amazing sex and lead the relationship most of the time, her attraction will still be high. Or if you broke up with her. Or, if she broke up with you but because you cheated on her, never were around, treated her like shit, etc.
These are all situations where you were still the alpha. As long as you did’t plead for her back, you’re still attractive in her eyes. I don’t recommend you cheat on your girlfriend or be a shitty boyfriend on purpose. However, in all these scenarios you have a good shot of no contact working. This is because she’ll still miss you and want you. Women will break up with men if they’re “too alpha” like these scenarios, but they’ll want them and will often get back with their ex when they miss his masculine energy.
In a relationship you want to be mostly alpha, but a boyfriend can’t be a 100% ruthless alpha. You still need to show care and love and some relationship qualities if you want a functioning relationship.
That being said, 80% of the time she’s breaking up with you guys it’s because you were too beta, not too alpha. This means that you were the needy one, wanted more time from her. In situations like this guys write to me all the time saying things like
things were perfect / going well and out of nowhere she broke up with me.
In reality, she had been losing attraction to you for quite some time.
It’s still possible to get get back, and you’ll definitely need to use no contact for 30 days or so. It’s not a guarantee you’ll get her back, but doing no contact and doing it the right way will give you the best shot at her coming back.
How you spend the time apart
We’re going to spend the most time on this section. Because if you’re at the point where you need to implement no contact for 30 days, then you’re already broken up. hopefully #1 and #2 went well, but the relationship and break up already happened. Now the only thing you can control is how you spend the time apart.
If you get out there, even if you feel like shit, and grow your value, then you’re going to give yourself the best chance for no contact working.
Staying inside and doing nothing won’t do shit for you. You’ll have low energy and will just be counting down the days. You’ll still have a desperate energy. What you need to do is destroy neediness and get a powerful, strong, masculine energy. You get this crazy masculine energy by going out and conquering.
You need to create a mindset of abundance. That happens naturally when you see other girls wanting to fuck with you.
Getting your fitness on track is one of the easiest ways to feel your masculine energy. You’ll feel amazing after lifting weights or doing some kind of physical activity. You’ll look good as fuck. And you’ll have more testosterone in your body. Physically you’ll be in a better state. But this also translates to more energy mentally and emotionally. You’ll feel like a man.
Hit the gym hard as fuck.
Purpose / business
All of you need to have a purpose.
This is where you combine something you love + something you’re good at + a way to make money. If you don’t know then you need to experiment. If you’re an artist, then maybe you can do graphic design, logo creation, branding, etc. Or if you like film then maybe you can do video production for businesses. Take something you enjoy and figure out how tom provide value.
Even if you have a job and love it, then focus more on it. Although most of you will probably not love working for someone else and therefore will be starting a side business.
Regardless of your specific path, no contact is a great time to get refocused on your purpose. If you don’t have one then this is the time to make one. It will give you a new energy and will give you an outlet to find fulfillment and financial freedom. This will make the actual no contact seem much easier. It’s hard to stress over your ex when you’re focused on creating an empire.
Get on your grind
And if you already have a business or have started working on one, no contact is a great time to get back on it. Break ups can be rough and can throw us off our path. But now is the time to slap yourself in the face and wake up. You don’t have time to stress about this shit. You’re trying to be a successful businessman in the area you’ve chosen. If you want your business to be successful, you need to put in the time.
You’ll develop a savage attitude that will stretch you to reach your goals.
Building this business will give you a sense of entitlement and boldness that will make you much more attractive after the no contact phase. Whether you get back with her or not, you’ll be in a better position when you have control over your finances. Which means you’ll feel better, like you’ll have more control over own life. And in turn, your ex girlfriend and other girls will want to get in on some of that masculine energy.
You need to go date other girls.
One of the hardest parts of no contact and break ups in general is that you have no pussy anymore. And if you stay inside all day, you’re going to imagine your hot ex girlfriend being pounded out by random dudes. Fuck thinking about that. Indulging in those thoughts will make you feel like shit. And in fact it can cause the no contact to be worse for you.
Instead, just accept the fact that you’re broken up. She’s out there doing whatever but you don’t give a fuck. Because now you can go meet other girls.
You absolutely need to be dating and fucking other women. This will not only help you get over your ex girlfriend, but it will give you the masculine energy you need if you want to have a chance at getting her back.
Ideally the girls are on the same level or hotter. However, if your ex was one of the hotter girls you’ve been with then don’t beat yourself up about getting with a girl slightly less attractive. You’ve been out of the game for a while. If you need to, get a starter girl to get your dick wet so you give yourself the confidence to get laid again. Then you can work your way up until you’re getting girls as hot or hotter than your ex.
Some guys say to sleep with 10 girls. Well that’s going to be hard for an average guy to do in a month if he’s not going out every night, sleeping with whatever looks at him, or isn’t a 10 himself in the sexual market place.
Put yourself out there
However, the concept is right. You can sleep with a few girls in 30 days or at least build a pipeline of girls to date. This way you’re spending the no contact the right way because your mind is off your ex and on new girls.
The main thing you want to do is date other girls because this will give you the abundance mindset that you don’t need your ex back. Then you’ll have less desperate energy and will be in a better position after the no contact.
And if you can sleep with a few girls, especially one that’s more attractive physically then your ex, then you’ll have a much higher level of confidence. It’s not just numbers of girls, it’s quality. Any of us know we can fuck a 3 or 4. But we don’t want that. We want to fuck and date girls we find attractive. That’s why you while you can start off with a starter girl to get back into dating, you want the goal to get with women who turn you on.
This is what will really take your mind off your ex during no contact. If your ex does fuck around then you won’t care nearly as much because you know you can get another girl like her, at least in terms of looks. Which seems shallow, and it is, but it will do a ton for your confidence as a man.
Getting out there and least trying to date is super important. Once you have success here, this will carry over into your other areas of life.
You need to meet other women right now
I usually emphasize business success and fitness and pretty much every other area over dating. But when you get out of a break up and are doing no contact for 30 days, your dating / sex life just went to 0. Which means this is the area you need to focus on if you want to relive the pain from the break up and be able to bounce back quickly.
Trust me. When you’re getting laid and dating other women, you’ll be in a much better place. If you’re going monk mode or fin yourself being depressed thinking about and you haven’t perviously been a player, your mind can start playing tricks on you. The only guys who should go monk mode after a break up are former player who already know they can get a lot of women. Even then, it’s good to surround yourself with other women.
Force yourself to go out. Get a good photographer to get pictures for your dating profiles. Do what you need to do to build a pipeline of women to date and enjoy feminine company from. Even if you just want your ex back, this is absolutely critical if you want to get her back or move on. If you don’t do this, you’ll be a weak man after no contact and your ex will sense that other girls don’t want you. Which will mean she won’t want you either. It’s a lose-lose. But just get win-win instead by getting back in the dating game ASAP. Use tinder to get dates / lays, use clubs, learn how to dance, talk to girls in real life, and do whatever else it is you need to do to build a pipeline of new girls to meet.
The next thing you want to do is start blowing up your social media. Especially Instagram. Instagram is about showing the best version of your life. Guys complain because it’s fake or it’s stupid. Well fuck them. I mean I get why it seems annoying. But it’s such a powerful tool you can use for your own life.
Why not leverage this ego-driven app for your own benefit? Women use social media as a tool to keep track of other women and the social status of men. It’s not everything, but it can be a solid bonus to you.
You can post and get off. Post cool pictures from your life. Increase your following. This will help to provide social proof for other girls you meet in real life, plus you can actually use it to get at new girls directly if you like. It also acts as a way to game girls you want to fuck, you have fucked, and you guessed it, your ex.
Self discipline + social media = winning
Whatever you do, don’t look at what she posts or likes. You need to have self discipline. Let her look at what you post. If she unfollows you then make your profile public so she can lurk you. She will check in on your profile once in a while. When she sees that you’re “winning” and looking like you’re living your best life, she’ll get jealous and want to be apart of it. Especially if you increase your following and get other girls to follow you.
Instagram is a great way to boost your sexual market value by making yourself higher status. Status is important and you can massively increase your social status by upping your profile.
No need to spend hours on it. Don’t consume other people’s content, besides some of your bros. Get on, post, like some of your bros pictures, then get off. Use it as honey to get girls something to think about.
Doing this during no contact will be like running dread game on your ex. It’s fine to live a dope life and not post about it. But when you put it on Instagram, women will actually see that and think of you as higher status because of it. If your ex sees you as more attractive during the no contact, she’ll want to get you back.
What happens after no contact for 30 days?
So what happens after no contact for 30 days? Or even just no contact at all? There’s 3 possibilities this can play out.
- She hits you up
- You hit her up
- You guys never talk again
The first one is the most ideal. She’ll be texting you first which gives you the power. In this case, your best bet is to keep things short, sweet and get her to hang out. Don’t become a texting buddy, text back right away, or act desperate. Be cool, confident, and direct. “Hey good to hear from you. It’d be fun to get a drink and catch up.” Or something along those lines depending on the exact message she sends.
If you live a dope life and post about it, then she’ll most likely text you. This may before or after the 30 days. But don’t get too caught up on doing no contact for 30 days. There’s nothing magical about it. If she texts you after 2 weeks, you don’t need to wait 2 weeks to respond so you get the full month. You can respond to her a few hours later or the next day.
The 2nd option means you hit her up. This is less than ideal. However, it’s the most useful if you two were long distance and you’re going to be in her city. That’s really the best situation in which hitting her up first makes sense.
If she’s in your city or metro area, you can still text her first, but it’s just not as ideal. If you do, keep things short and ask if she wants to get a drink. However, be aware that since you’re reaching out to her, she’ll have the power and therefore have less attraction. If she was still very attracted to you at the time of the break up then this can still work. But you need to make sure you have no needy or desperate energy.
And the 3rd option is you two never talk again. This will happen if she never texts you first and you also never text her. This will happen if she starts dating a new guy or just wasn’t that attracted to you. It’s more likely that even if she is dating / fucking new guys, she’ll still text you at some point if you never text her.
If you acted really weak or have been being a depressed loser since the break up, it’s possible you two never talk again. This is still better than if you texted her first and she rejects you, as it allows you to move on.
But if you turn shit around, get your life back on track, and post about it on social media, I can say with a high amount of confidence that she will get in contact with you at some point.
Will you get her back with no contact?
Do you get her back or not? Well if you play it cool, meet up with her, have sex, and then let her chase you for the relationship, then it’s possible. Whether you really should or not depends. I usually recommend you don’t get back with an ex after no contact or really after any break up. You two didn’t work out. But if long distance was the separator or you were just acting super weak and had a good relationship before that, then you can try to make things work.
The key here is being okay with either outcome. You’re cool with living your own life to the fullest no matter what. She may be apart to join you for the ride or maybe she’s not. Either way, you’ll be enjoying this life and doing the things you want to do.
Move on and become a boss no matter what
That’s the attitude you must have. No contact for 30 days, or any extended amount of time can be difficult. You need to get out of your head and out of hour house/apartment. Get out there, meet other girls, hang out with your friends, work on your business, and get in incredible shape. Then you’ll be in a position to get her back or move on and get better women.
No contact is great for you to work on yourself. It can help you get over her or get her back if you so choose. You must take this time to realize that you’re the center of your world, not her, and not any other girl. This way you can lead your relationships with women in the future, and have a girlfriend that will be a fun part of your life, but not the sole source of your happiness.