March 26

Relationships Need Order: Stop waiting Until things go Wrong to Man up

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Relationships Need Order

Relationships need order if they’re going to fit properly into your life.  And as a man, it’s your job to bring order into your relationship.  The problems guys write to me about their relationships are generally due to a lack of order.

You still need to flirt with your girl and know when to play this cool.  That’s not the issue most guys have.  Most men lack the ability to set up boundaries and then maintain them properly.

When you’re not in an exclusive relationship, sometimes the right way to handle situations is to withdraw your attention.  Sometimes this is the right move in committed relationships.

However, much of the time you’ll need to be direct and clear on what you will and will not tolerate.  This is why order in relationships comes into play.  In fact this is the better way to operate.  A lot of men who never had a girlfriend think that because they can meet a lot of women they’ll be fine in a relationship.  They fail to realize that a relationship with a girlfriend, especially one you start to like, can quickly turn downhill if you don’t maintain your leadership position.

Masculine brings order to the chaotic feminine

Masculine energy brings order to the chaotic feminine energy.  Everybody has both masculine and feminine energy.  You need both to effectively navigate through life.  As a man, it’s ideal to have your masculine energy be dominant and have much more of it active then your feminine energy.  And for a woman you’re dating, it’s best for her to have her feminine energy dominant.

Masculine energy brings order.  Feminine energy is chaotic.  Both are necessary.  Order by itself is powerful, but it lacks the chaotic to being order to.  And the chaotic force without order has nothing to keep it from going everywhere and becoming a mess.

That’s why it’s your job as a man to bring order to your relationships with women.

Why you’re having relationship problems

jealousy man and woman

If you’re a man with a girlfriend or wife and currently are suffering relationship problems, it’s because of one or multiple of these reasons:

  1. You never established order – aka your terms for the relationship
  2. Order was never enforced – because it wasn’t established or it was but you lacked the balls to check her
  3. Your woman doesn’t respect you
  4. You don’t respect yourself
  5. Chose wrong

1. You never established order – aka your terms for the relationship

If you never established your order, then there’s no order to begin with.  This is done ideally at the beginning of the relationship when you set your terms.  The girl you’re seeing has been pushing for a relationship.  And you’ve determined she’s worthy of being elevated to that status with you.

Now is when you need to establish your terms for the relationships.  Things like not having male guy friends, her being supportive of your schedule, and other terms you may deem important in your relationship.  If you don’t do this now, then you have to discuss things as they come up.  Which will happen regardless, but it’s much better to get these things out of the way now.

2. Order was never enforced – because it wasn’t established or it was but you lacked the balls to check her

Checking your girl: How to put her in her place and stop the disrespect

When you set order in a relationship you also must enforce it.  The more a woman respects you, and the more you stay in your manhood, the less she’ll go against your rules.  But if you show some weakness or she wants to feel your strength, she’ll test you.

If she goes against one of your rules or is starting to slip, you need to check her on this.  No need to yell or be physical.  Simply tell her what she’s doing is going against your agreed upon code.  If she doesn’t change then you break up with her.

It’s not about being cruel.  It’s about having standards and being upfront.  This is how an authentic, genuine relationship will occur.  At least being authentic from your end.  Women will always put on a bit of a show for a man she really likes.

If she goes against your code, you can’t be silent and let her do that.  You must sit her down and tell her.  She wants you to do this.  This way she knows you’re a man of your word.  She’ll know not just that you’re alpha, but that you’re a real man who can stay reasonable and stick to his values.

Most men lose respect because they’re unwilling to be real

This is necessary for your own self respect and for her respect of you.

By calling it out directly, you’ll solve the problem in the majority of cases.  However, you may need to break up with your girlfriend at some point or another if she continues to disrespect the order you’ve established.  You must be willing to walk away if she breaks boundaries that you’ve established and that she previously agreed to.  This won’t always be necessary, but expect it to come at some point in a relationship.

As long as she didn’t do anything crazy or extreme, you can take her back after she apologizes.  This is assuming she’s an overall decent woman and a good girlfriend, wasn’t cheating on your or out with other men.  If she’s not, then you need to walk away all together.

Enforce the order you establish, otherwise you don’t have a basis for a relationship.

3. Your woman doesn’t respect you

signs she's losing interest

Women need to respect you in order to feel feminine around you.  She needs to respect you in order to feel attracted to you and to want to put in effort.  If you have a girlfriend / wife and she doesn’t respect you, then you’re in for a very difficult relationship.  It will usually end with her cheating on you or just leaving you.  And before that happens, you’re going to have all kinds of relationship problems.

4. You don’t respect yourself

Don't make excuses for low quality women

Self respect is everything.  At the end of the day, that’s what’s going to make you a man.  Self respect is when you hold yourself in high regard.  You have self respect when you value yourself.

When you have an ample supply of self respect, other people respect you in return.  Your girlfriend will respect you, other girls will respect you, ex girlfriends will respect you, your friends will respect you, clients will respect you, and even your enemies will respect you.

When you don’t have respect for yourself, you open yourself up for tons of relationship problems.  How can a man establish order or enforce it with a woman when he doesn’t even respect himself?  How can he have the strength to walk away from disrespectful people?  He can’t do any of that.

If you don’t respect yourself, your relationships with women and all other relationships with people will be of a low quality.

5. Chose wrong

Many men choose bad women to begin with, and although this is a cop out for bad leadership, the quality of a woman is critical if you’re going to elevate her to girlfriend status.  A quality girl won’t settle for a bad leader, she’ll leave you.  That being said, an okay quality woman can be a good girlfriend if she has the right leader.

Of course I want you guys to have high quality women in your life.  Especially if you’re elevating a woman to the status of a girlfriend.

You need to choose the right women that you allow into your life.  No woman is perfect, they all have flaws.  And every woman likes a little bit of drama and can be a little crazy.  But there are certainly real drama queens out there.  There are tons of women that are decent people, but are terrible girlfriend prospects.

Yet guys will settle for the hottest woman they get and try and wife her up.  It’s natural for a woman to have some chaos.  That’s feminine.  but if she has chaos that won’t follow your orders, it’s because she also has her own orders she wants you to follow.  These are women that have too much masculine energy.  They make bad girlfriends for a man that wants a feminine woman by his side.

Some women are just more masculine in nature, and others are masculine in general but will be feminine for the right guy.  But if that’s not you, then you need to leave her alone.

Choosing the wrong women will lead to a relationship with no order, and that won’t be a healthy or productive use of your time.

Why relationships need order

respect is necessary for attraction - the rock

Relationships need order in order to function.  The masculine is there to bring order to the chaos.  Women  are naturally chaotic, and a powerful man can bring order to harness this chaos.  With this kind of man, a woman can completely surrender herself because she knows nothing will break him, including her.  Every man she dates eventually succumbs to her.

But when you can keep order and maintain your leadership role by sticking to your values, she’ll be by your side.

Order is what she looks for in a man.  And order is what you need to bring in order to feel like the man you want to be.  It’s what will make the relationship work.  If your relationship has no order, no rules, and nothing to hold it together, then you need to be honest and take responsibility.  It’s your fault for not establishing order.


Tags

how to lead a relationship, leader in relationship, managing relationships, relationships, relationships need order


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