September 28

Setting terms for the relationship: Critical for every new girlfriend


Setting terms for the relationship

Setting terms for the relationship

Setting terms for the relationship is an absolute must.  That’s how you get the woman to know what you want from her and it sets things right from the get go.

This article is for men that are considering getting into new relationships with women.  Not women you see casually.   But for girls that you’re allowing into your life as your official girlfriend.  If you’ve read my other articles, you know that the woman should pursue the relationship after a certain time.   You can put effort in.  But if you’re chasing her for the relationship more than she is, then you’re already starting off in the weak position.  She needs to want to lock you down.

Why have terms?

Once she approaches you about being in a relationship, then you can set your terms.  She must agree to all of your terms in order for her to be your girlfriend.  Will she break any of these terms or challenge them down the line?  You bet.  It’s up to you to hold your ground on them.  Because setting terms for the relationship is how you get what you want, stay in power, and keep her attracted and feminine towards you.

What terms for the relationship should be in place?

Every man must come up with his own terms for the relationship.  They’re like guidelines he puts in place that the woman needs to acknowledge and respect.  What you decide to put in your terms is up to you.  It’s not a literal piece of paper, but a few points that you verbalize towards her.

Here are some terms I’d recommend you use when you setting the standard for the relationship with her.

Your work is your priority

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If you’re working towards financial freedom, or already have it and you’re a business owner, any girlfriend must understand that your work is your priority.  You have a purpose that comes first.  You must make it abundantly clear that she will need to be understanding of how important your work is to you.  Because down the line, chances are she’ll demand more of your time.

If you don’t set things straight right now then you’ll be in a weaker position to defend your stance.

And it’s you just being authentic.  You run a business.  Or you have a job and a side business.  You will spend a lot of time working and she needs to understand that.  Even if you’ve already started your business and you only work 30-50 hours a week (you guys doing a job and side business will be more like 80), you still must have your business / purpose to fall back on.  This will bring you happiness, fulfillment, and money.  It will give you a sense of abundance outside of the relationship and pussy in general.

No need to state that directly.  But just that your business is important to you and your work requires sacrifice.

Still need to do be around and lead her

Of course you still will need to spend some time with her and keep her attracted to you.  You can’t be away from months or always drained and never give her anything.  However, the point of setting terms of the relationship, like your work being a priority, is so she understands from the very beginning what it’s going to be like.

Getting her to understand this now will make things much easier down the road.

Respect is necessary

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As a man you need respect.  This needs to be clear from the beginning.  You should have her respect right now naturally from being a man and passing her tests of your strength.

You check her when she’s disrespectful when needed.  Checking a girl or another person doesn’t need to be mean.  But it needs to be done if someone crosses a line.

Up until this point she wasn’t your girlfriend.  So before you might’ve just ignored her or made her wait to see you and apologize.

But since she’ll be your girlfriend, you definitely need to address things head on.

If it’s extreme enough, you need to call out disrespect when you see it.  And if she doesn’t apologize or change, then you withdraw attention.  If it’s minor, withdrawing your attention will be enough.  There’s a time to call out bullshit and a time to let her know she messed up just by being cold.  It’s not about being mean to your girlfriend.  Rather that you keep things authentic and keep clear respect between both of you alive.  This will ensure she stays feminine around you.

All of this is easier if you incorporate respect into setting terms for the relationship.

Respect is what you need as a man

You can tell her that you’re although you’re a busy man, you value yourself and others.  And that respect is everything to you.  If she’s going to be with you, she needs to understand that respect is what you stand by as a man.  She needs to respect you as a man, and major acts of disrespect will cause a rift between you two.  Tell her that if you’re going to be in a relationship with a woman, she needs to understand that respecting you is what you hold most valuable.  And of course you can give her respect as your woman and someone whose important in your life.

A lot of people will clown on Will Smith, but I think when it comes to relationships, the man has it right.  He’s by no means a player like you might think from Fresh Prince, he’s a “relationship guy”.  But he’s not some beta.  He’s an old school alpha male.  Alpha males back in the day generally had one girl or wife.  Some had affairs, others were loyal.  But their overall notch counts were likely low – not saying Will’s is low – but you get the point.

You don’t have to be a ladies man to know how to be masculine with a woman and set terms for respect.

Will Smith

In an interview with his wife and his wife’s mom, Will tells a story of how he checked Jada (his wife) when they were younger for disrespecting him in public.

He said there’d be no swearing or no yelling.  The reasoning he had was powerful because he came from an abusive home.  But even without that, he could’ve had the same point and stood by it.

Getting his woman to not swear at him or yell at him makes sure she stays on her best behavior.  More so, the fact that Will checked her on her bullshit and was willing to walk away showed Jada his strength.  This helps to keep her attracted long term and keep her level of respect for her man high.  And you need your woman to respect you if you want her to stay attracted to you.  Setting terms for the relationship needs to include respect, especially if you haven’t made that clear already through your actions.

No hanging out with straight males friends or exes


This prevents you from looking weak later when she tries to hang out with other men and you tell her no.

Since this is part of your terms in the beginning, you can refer back to this conversation that hanging out with other straight males is a no.

Otherwise, you’ll look weak or jealous later on when she’s hanging out with other dudes.  Handling this upfront makes it non-specific about any other man in particular, so if she tries pulling this on you later, you can remind her of your terms and make it about your rules rather than about “Chad, Bob, Nick” or whoever the guy is.

Not handling this now can make it look like you’re jealous of the specific guy in the future and make him seem cooler than he is.

Expect push back

It’s likely you’ll get push back on this.  “But why can’t I have guy friends?”  or “What’s wrong with me hanging out with other men?”.  If she’s an attractive and they’re straight men, they’re going to try and sleep with her.  You can tell her something along the lines of “You can have friends socially, but hanging out with straight men alone is a bad situation.  They’re going to try and get at you and I don’t want that drama in my relationship.”

Some traditional women will get onboard with this.  Most western women won’t like it right away, but if she really likes you then she will agree to it out of respect for you.

You can’t control your woman by telling her not to go out with her friends once in a while.

But you can be clear when setting terms for the relationship that you don’t tolerate having really close straight guy friends.  Gay male friends are different, that’s fine.  And she can have guys within her social group.  You can’t control that and it’s not your place to.  But if she’s going to he your woman, then no way in hell should she be hanging out with other men alone.  She already knows this, but you clear the dust on this and make that behavior unacceptable when you set the terms.

You need a supportive, feminine woman

This last one is more of a guide rather than a specific term.  Yet it’s critical when you’re setting terms for the relationship.  Tell her you need a supportive woman.  Because you’re busy focused on your work / business / purpose, things aren’t going to be easy.  She’s going to need to be super understanding of your lifestyle and be there to support you.

Tell her that directly.  What it does is prepares her mentally for the relationship when you’re on your grind.  And it also gets her to be more committed to you.  In her mind she’s seeing that she’s going to need to fight for the two of you even when you’re together.  Women want a man whose direct with his intentions like this.

They want a man whose going to make them feel like they need to put in work to keep things between them in tact.

Your girlfriend doesn’t want to feel like she’s conquered you.  Because then she’ll move on to the next conquest.

Let her feel like it’s going to be tough dating you, and she’s going to need to be super supportive, but that it’s going to be worth it.  This is how you actually prepare her for when you are busy – and also get her wrapped in your masculinity.

For more serious relationships

If you’re entering a more serious relationship, or if your relationship is becoming more serious, then there might be a need for extra terms.  Things like

  • whose the breadwinner
  • duties for the house
  • splitting accounts (joint one, you each have one, etc.)
  • kids
  • where you’re going to live

If this is the type of relationship you desire, as some of you are wanting to have families, then it’s best that you stay on top of this so you can the terms you want.  And the fact that you’re able to set these terms will give your woman more belief in you has a confident leader in the relationship.

Take control of your relationships

take control of your relationship

Take control of your relationships.  If you don’t, your woman will and she’ll eventually get bored of you.  As a man, you need to lead the relationship.  And it’s much easier to do that if you start out strong.

You’ll pursue at first, and then also let her pursue the relationship, and then when she does, you set the terms.  She must agree to your terms and then you can enter a relationship.  If she has terms she needs to bring them up now as well.  This is assuming you’ve evaluated her as a girl that’s worthy of being your girlfriend.

Even if she’s reluctant on some of the terms, hold your ground.  If she really wants to be with you, and at this point she will, then she’ll agree to them.  From there you’ll be starting off the relationship strong and will be giving it the best chance towards providing the most value to your life.


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