She’s not yours, it’s just your turn
She’s not yours, it’s just your turn. This is a common phrase amongst players and men experienced with women. Whether she’s your girlfriend, girl you just started seeing, or a girl you danced with one time, you don’t own her. Even if you tell her she’s yours she agrees, at the end of the day, you don’t really own her. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Why this is important to understand
I’m writing this in particular because I’ve had a lot of guys write to me about women they’ve been seeing. And then things went wrong. A few of these guys have had fun flings with girls, where they have sex for a few weeks when she’s in town, and then she leaves. And instead of enjoying it for what it was, the young guy – and older guys – gets pussy whipped and wants to own a girl who is trying to be free.
Likewise, a lot of men use “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn” when trying to get over a break up. When coaching clients, a good chunk of the calls have to do with relationships and trying to get a woman back. It’s oftentimes an ex girlfriend who dumped the man for another guy. And sometimes it’s just a fling that died out.
While getting over a long term relationship is a lot harder than getting over a just some girl you saw, the concept is the same. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn. And once the relationship is over, whether it was a committed relationship or a casual one, your turn is over. You could have another turn with her and have some fun. Or maybe your turn with her is over for done. Regardless, you don’t own her.
Don’t own a woman
And that that’s where the power lies. When you realize that women can go as they please, you adopt the mentality of a player. You enjoy the woman when they’re in your life. But when they go, you let them go. You’re not trying to tie down a girl who doesn’t want to be with you. After all, women need to pursue the relationship anyways. So you don’t have a choice but to let her go.
It’s not about “if she’s yours she’ll come back to you” bullshit. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
You don’t need to own a woman. Once you realize that you’ll see that you can get the benefits that women bring, like sex, affection, and feminine energy, while minimizing the cons like drama as much as possible.
When you realize you don’t own her, you stop being desperate for her. No matter how hot she is or how well she does certain things, you know that eventually she’ll go down her own path. even if the two of you date for 40 years, one of you will die. You don’t get to have any woman forever. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Get over wanting to own a woman
So you’ve heard the phrase. You get it intellectually. But you still find yourself getting oneitis for women and wanting to keep them forever and ever. Essentially you still have the desire to own a woman. You haven’t internalized the fact that she’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Besides mentally accepting this fact, you need to change your behaviors. And you change your behaviors by changing your focuses. The first focus must be your purpose.
Your purpose is what drives you everyday. It’s the thing that your life revolves around. As men we need purpose to feel fulfilled and to feel like masculine men. In the past, simply surviving was enough purpose in itself. Hunting, fighting off warring tribes, and providing shelter took up all of our time. The spare time we had was meant having sex with our wife (wives) or whatever the term was used, as well as teaching our young men how to do what we did.
And as time progressed, purpose still revolved around family. If you have a family, then taking care of them can be your purpose. But the focus should be the kids. You can still take care of your woman if she’s traditional, but she’s not the driving force. It’s the family unit and the future of your kids.
If you don’t have a family, then you still need a purpose. That purpose can be your business. Combine something you love, are good at, and can make money with. Make that business like your baby. It’s going to be the thing that brings you happiness, keeps you busy, and delivers you from wage slavery by giving you financial freedom.
Chase money and your passion. If you can’t find something you love, at least find something you can enjoy doing. And then you can love being a business owner and all the benefits that brings.
Friends and social life
Outside of your immediate family and your business, the 2nd priority in your life should be having a fun social life. This will need to be sacrificed when you’re building a business, no doubt about it. But once you’ve built that business and have freedom, you should allocate some of your time to having a social life. Humans are social creatures. And even if you’re introverted, it feels good to have friends and to do stuff with them.
The reason why so many guys don’t get “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn” it because they have no friends and only depend on their girlfriend. But when you actually have some friends to go do stuff with and make memories with, you realize that you don’t need to depend on a woman. All the social interaction you have shouldn’t come solely from women. Because they will eventually leave and you need to be able to let them go.
When you have an abundant social life, you realize friends come and go, just like women. This translates to women and makes it much easier to realize she’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Next you have hobbies. This can be things like lifting weights, martial arts, dancing, working on cars, bowling, traveling, and so on. Your hobbies will often overlap with your friends / social life. For example, a lot of your friends may come from a martial art you do, or dancing, or your car community.
Having hobbies makes you more interesting as a man, sure, but they also add value to your life.
They keep your brain focused on continued learning. And they give you something to look forward to that doesn’t have the same stress as your purpose. Your purpose is still #1, but it can be stressful when you’re trying to level up, even if you love what you do. And of course women and friends can let you down or flake out on plans. But your hobbies themselves are always there. Granted you’re in good health, they only disappear if you let them.
Finally we have women. I’m sure you could think of a few things to go before, but most of that you could chalk up to hobbies, friends, family, or your business.
Women can still have a place in your life. They have to be somewhere on the priority list if you’re dating different women or even if you have a girlfriend. They just can’t be first. And women don’t want to be. They want you to have a life outside of them.
You can have amazing sex and good conversations with women in your life. The mistake most men make is putting them on a pedestal. By doing this you through out the knowledge of “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn” and you try and make her yours.
This is a massive mistake.
Instead, if you have women below your business, kids, and social life, then you can still make time for them without becoming needy. At the end of the day that’s what women want. They want a man whose focused on building his money, has a few hobbies and friends, and then has a little bit of time for her. You still need to put some effort into your girlfriend or women you date. They just can’t be occupying your mind all the time.
Dating women, whether you’re fucking multiple or you’re in a committed relationship, needs to be a fun part of your life. Not the main part of your life. It’s nice to have women, but it’s not a big deal if any particular woman leaves. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Prioritize what you value
Whatever you put first is going to be the most important thing to you. If you out a woman first, then she’s going to become the most important thing and you’ll drive her away. But if you prioritize other things like your business and hobbies, then you’ll have high value and a mindset of abundance. She’ll be less likely to leave, more likely to come back, and you’ll be cool with it regardless.