The Blame Game: Letting her Blame you is a Mistake
Don’t give into to the blame game. Women will often use blaming as a way to leverage guilt or shame to get power in the relationship. Over time this turns men weak, which actually will ruin the relationship. It’s not that you’re perfect or need to be. But you can’t let her blame you for small little things. Let’s discuss further.
Men lose Power by Taking Blame
Men are naturally more inclined to take responsibility. This can be very beneficial in a man’s life in terms of his career and financial decisions.
However, taking responsibility needs to be viewed as your ability to respond, not taking blame. The word “responsibility” generally translates = “blame” or “fault”. I want all of you to take responsibility in your lives. That means I want you to take on the ability to respond as appropriate. But what I don’t want you to do is to take blame for every little thing.
And that’s exactly what happens in relationships. Many women will blame you for little things you did or didn’t do.
How the Blame Game starts
In your mind you’ll think “Oh well, she’s technically right, so I’ll take responsibility for this”.
And then you proceed to apologize and say you won’t do that again, or you’ll remember to do x, y, or z.
For example, your girlfriend could remind you to take our the trash. You agree, but you’re distracted. Whether you’re on the phone, doing work on your computer, or in the other room. Later on you forget that she told you to take out the trash. Then night time comes around, she sees the trash hasn’t been taking out, and she starts playing the blame game. “I can’t believe you didn’t take our the trash when it’s so easy to do. You don’t listen to me, why can’t you just do something that’s so simple and that you agreed to.”
This is where most men mess up. They think “well, she’s right, I could’ve taken out the trash, I don’t know why I didn’t do something so simple.”
Then they apologize and the woman isn’t satisfied. This is where the cycle of him starting to act weak and constant apologizing / not living up to the girlfriends impossible standards.
Technically, you might’ve “fallen short” of what you said. But guess, what, this will always be the case in relationships.
Slow nagging leads to constant blaming and a shift in relationship
Women will nag you if you let them. You must stop this when it comes up. Don’t play the blame game with her. Don’t let take responsibility for small things and details like taking out the trash.
Whatever you do, don’t play the blame game. Shut down pity attempts to emasculate you. Do not play the blame game.
This is when you need to check her and take responsibility as the leader in the relationship
Emotion vs logic
When a woman is playing the blame game with you, she’s coming at you from an emotional place.
It’s not logical to get upset or mad over a small detail. But women do this because they’re more dominated by their emotions than men.
The mistake men make, and why they take all of the blame, is they answer her emotions state directly with logic. But this is not a logical argument to get into. It’s an emotional one. When she says “you didn’t do this / didn’t remember this” she’s being emotional. Answering whatever she’s saying means that you accept her emotional outburst on you.
But you can’t accept this. If she’s getting mad or upset because you forget for something small, which it generally is, then it’s not justified. You have to shut this down.
Don’t answer the emotional statement with logic.
Check her tone
She’s coming at you in an emotional way. Before you inject a logical statement to her, you must reframe the situation and make she sure’s in a logical state. If you don’t do this, if you try to stay in her emotional frame and use logic, she’ll run you the fuck over verbally. This is how women start to take over in relationships.
Check her tone. Tell her:
- “if you want to talk like adults then we can have a discussion. But if you want to blame me for something small like taking out the trash, then this is going to be a fight over something small, which isn’t worth it.”
- “Do you want to have a mature discussion about this, or do you just want to fight?”
If she calms down, then you two can easily dissolve this issue. But if she doesn’t, then you can tell her she can all to you when she wants to be respectful.
This is how you check her. Don’t give into what she’s saying. Women like to assign little tasks to you to lead you in small ways. This is how they “wear a man down” over time. If you’re on point, then you can check her in the moment when she does this. But if you’re not on point, then you must do it in this moment.
Do not comply with her blaming
“We can talk about this like adults, but first you must be respectful”.
Don’t be afraid to tell this to your woman if she’s being rude. A lot of women won’t even respond to this and only respond to more aggression. But if you’re dating a woman who really is of decent character and is generally pleasant, then this is about the nicest way you can check a woman.
If she agrees, then you can discuss. If she doesn’t, then walk away from the conversation and talk to her when she’s being more respectful.
How to handle the discussion
Once she’s in a calm state, break down the situation. Now is the time where you can say what you should or shouldn’t have done.
When she’s in a more logical state, you can answer with logic.
But don’t just take the blame and let her get power over you because you forget one little small thing. Otherwise, there will always be small things she remembers and will be able to blame you for in the future.
Use an analogy.
This is easy for others to understand and will it show her how her getting mad over you for not taking out the trash or whatever is dumb. In the video above I use the coffee example (4:25). You can use this or just something you think of.
Basically, show her another made up scenario where she forget to follow a small guideline that you care about. And then imagine how she’d feel for you getting upset at her for such a small thing.
Women are more empathic than men on average, so if you give her an example (when she’s calm and NOT emotional), then she’ll be able to see. However, you must do this when she’s calm and logical. Doing this while she’s heated and blaming you will just evolve into a bigger argument as her empathy for you can’t exist while she’s mad at you.
Small details that aren’t relevant are hard to remember. When something isn’t of value to you, then your brain doesn’t make a neurological pattern to memorize it. This is why your woman seems to remember more than you. It’s not that she has a better memory. She’s just able to recall things that matter to her (but not you) and use that against you to gain power in the relationship.
Be more aware
You can ultimately stop the blame game by not entering into her emotional frame. However, this works when it’s already come up. The best method is to actually be more aware of yourself at all times.
For example, don’t just complicity say “yea sounds good babe” or “yes sure thing” when she’s telling you little things or giving you a small task.
This takes more mental alertness, sharpness, and presence. When your girlfriend or woman is telling you something and you didn’t really pay attention, ask her to repeat it. Or if she’s telling you to do something small that you’re going to forget, don’t be afraid to tell her no. Especially if you’re busy working, remind her you’re busy and this is not a good time to talk to you. While she may get mad, what you’re actually doing is clearly communicating and not agreeing to things you’ll later forget. You can stop a woman form “wearing you down”, but it requires you stay in the present moment.
If you can do this, you can avoid the blame game all together and maintain a healthy relationship. But if you continue to let your woman blame you for every little thing, then don’t be surprised when she’s running the relationship into the ground and always seems unhappy.
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